Post by Therdde on Sept 21, 2009 10:53:13 GMT -5
Characters:
Ama - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Cougar
- Wooded Terrain -
A slim ray of morning sunlight is breaking through the trees when Ama opens her eyes. After she left Maul yesterday, her heart was heavy, sadder. She came to this place where she may rest, and prepare for her journey. Now she rests on her side, her back to a tree. Pushing herself to her belly, the cougaress sighs. Her imminent departure is the first thing to her mind. The fact that she is not - or has not - said goodbye to even one soul in Amaranth the second. And finally, it crosses her mind to look at the faded marking on her shoulder... nearly gone. She made sure to clean herself well the previous night, and tried to remove what dye she could... but the dye is intended to remain as long as possible. It is not easy to be rid of. Finally, she arches her spine and rises, all in one smooth motion. Today it ends... or begins.
Kein is not foolish. He knows Ama has not yet left. He is not cruel, though. She was still recovering when they last spoke, months ago, and besides, what he has asked of her is no easy task. He will probably always feel guilt for even having asked it of her. He cannot push further. She must be allowed to do it on her own time, and not only because to push her further would further condemn him, but also because she cannot be distraught when she goes to her son. So he has avoided her, and waited, and watched carefully for any sign of trouble. Those signs have not come, but he has not relaxed. Today, the only reason he doesn't avoid her is because she is so near the border, and the border has to be checked. More than once a day, when he can manage. His approach in the female's direction is slow, steady, and his own mind... Thankfully blank. He spends enough hours agonizing over all that troubles him. The few periods his mind is clear are a blessing.
Oh, Ama would be a fool to think Kein didn't know she was still here. But she has avoided him. Him, and everyone else in Amaranth. It served only to build upon her guilt for not having set out immediately. For not setting out when she should have, months ago. When the weather was promising. But of course, there had been more than that. For time she was genuinely ill. Her pelt may not be scruffy anymore, and she may not be frightfully thin, but Ama has seen better days. It is a shame she should go to her son like this... but it will be more convincing, won't it? Just as her marking - allowed to fade as if she were truly going away for ever - would serve its own purpose in this plot. Ama runs a paw over her face once before she begins northward. It is evident in the whole of her being that her heart is heavy, and part of her still hesitant. Necessity drives her on. She moves silently for some moments before pausing. She's not entirely certain why she has stopped, or feels a need to, but she does. Her eyes lower, focusing on her paws for a moment as if willing them to move again.
He should see her. Speak to her. He should not feel a need to tiptoe around any member of his tribe. And still, he hesitates. Her scent grows stronger, and he knows he is getting closer. Why...? It is with a deep breath and a deliberate raising of his head that he continues onward. He will not be able to avoid her forever. Perhaps if he knew she was this far north to finally leave, he would let her go in peace, but he doesn't. It takes a fair bit of will power for him to keep his head high and keep his approach steady. When she is in sight, he finally stops walking, but he does not lower his head. He cannot let the things he has had to do in the past keep him from doing the things he will have to do in the future.
Maybe it was fate telling her to stop. To wait here. Indeed, had she continued, Kein may never have encountered her at all. It is a light, felid paw-step that alerts her of another. She flicks an ear and lifts her eyes. A deep breath tells her who it is. Her head turns. Her expression is grim as she looks upon the face of the one cougar she has made every effort to avoid since summer began. The cougaress turns to face him quietly. She doesn't speak right away. Maybe there's some amount of shame in her eyes. She should not be here. Or perhaps she should be? For once, she cannot bring herself to break the silence, and so she remains still, frozen in the morning light as she stares at the chieftain. She cannot simply move on without saying farewell to him now. Can she? Finally, some part of her moves, even if it is only the absent-minded, flicker of her long tail.
Kein would have known she had left. If he has remained with his family for an hour, or been taken aside by some other duty, he still would have known before the morning was over. Is it fate, then, that they should meet, when it will probably change little? He'll know a few minutes sooner, yes, but... With no knowledge that she is actually leaving, he says, "I have not come to pester you." It is the shame he can see that has him saying that, and absolutely nothing more about why she is still here. After that statement, he goes on with, "I am simply here on patrol... And to check on you, since you are here." Sure, that's probably technically Nayeli's job. Checking on a Sister's mental wellbeing, since her physical wellbeing is clearly... Well, good enough, anyway. Still, he has rarely hesitated to make himself available for any member of Amaranth who might wish to speak to him.
He breaks the silence, and she finally moves again. Her eyes immediately. "You have every right to," she responds softly, quickly. She should have been gone long ago. Then lifts her eyes again. For once, she makes no effort to greet him formally. Or even informally. She isn't tense, but again - her entire being seems to reverberate with the knowledge that she goes now. Away. Far from here. But under that, she knows her mission, and she will do whatever she must. For Amaranth. For her sons. ...can she still help her sons if she is loyal to Amaranth? That is something she has pondered in her time spent here. Can she still be their mother when this is done? She twists around to face Kein fully, but doesn't go any nearer to the male. What if she never returns, after all? "I know. I know you didn't come here for that," she goes on, softer still. "Still. We have not spoken in a long while, Chieftain..." A soft sigh.
"Cubs. I'd forgotten how time consuming they are." It's a sad excuse for why they haven't spoken in so long, and an absolute lie, but he'll take it as a joke, something that he attempts to use to break the tension between them. He can't help but feel like it fails, as the smile that he uses feels no more genuine when he stops talking than when he began, but... Well, maybe it will help her more than it helped him. He's not good with this small talk thing, nor, apparently, with realizing when a conversation may warrant more than simple small talk, as it so clearly does now.
His attempt it pathetic. But Ama can still appreciate it for what it might've been. So she reciprocates his smile, though it remains a heavier, emptier smile still. "Ah, that they can be," she says kindly despite all else, for she thinks of young Maul, and that is something she won't soon forget, though it makes her heart ache. The silence which follows weighs Ama down, and her smile slips away, leaving her empty again. She tries to keep her head up, in any case. She would comment on how precious his daughter was - is - or some such, but she cannot. Instead, she settles for a whisper that is almost as dead as the fading leaves: "I am going away." As they had once planned long ago. Her face contradicts her voice, and there is a deeper emotion there - and so many things she must say before she is gone.
Now? Today? Kein blinks, then looks away. Well. "Of course. Probably a good time for it, before it gets too cold." Kein takes a deep breath. With no sign of Cheveyo or Hahnee, and with his other plan being further cemented in his head... He'd almost begun to tell himself it wouldn't be necessary, but now that they're here... "I suppose there are a few things I ought to tell you, before you go. A few things... Well, that we probably should have worked out before."
That was it. It is said, and now it can be done with... well, not with certainty. But she has at least said she is going, now, today... and yet, imagine her surprise when Kein continues. The cougaress's face is rather unreadable, her surprise kept inward as she takes a few steps closer, her tail curled behind her. She doesn't speak, but it is clear she is listening. Why wouldn't she? She attempts to smile, though. But it cannot lighten her heart, to merely smile. Not as the company of the young cub had lightened it so yesterday.
Kein does not look back to Ama. Rather, he looks off to the east as he speaks. "My mate's grandmother... My children's great-grandmother... She brought Amaranth to these lands. My mother came here when she was not yet full-grown, and if I'd have had my way, all of my children would have been raised here through their childhoods... And yet, I fear I will have to be the one to lead Amaranth in exodus from the peaks of this mountain. I fear that I cannot simply trust that your warning, if it comes in time, will be enough to keep my youngest daughters safe." He is voicing it, now, for the first time ever, and it feels like admitting failure, that he should abandon his territory to whatever might arrive in the meantime. Even if he leaves his sons here to guard it for them... Well, there is no guarantee that they will ever be returning either.
What Kein tells Ama causes her heart to stop for the barest moment as she realizes what he has said. Can she feel anything other than guilt? Her eyes close, tightly, and she turns her head away. She opens her eyes again to look upon the faded crimson on her own shoulder. Her face is hard - harder than it has ever been - when she looks up at Kein again. He looks to the east. To the rising sun. Ama looks away, and her expression softens again. What can she say? She cannot ease his worries. He may be right. And who was it who brought this turmoil? Was it she? Had /she/ brought this? Had her entire life, her entire existence boiled down to... this? "You are a good chieftain," when she finally speaks, her voice nearly breaks, it's whisper quivering, "...I have met few as good as you." And she wished his life was not the one to which she had brought so much turmoil.
If that were true, he should have stopped it from ever reaching this point. He should have taken this position when it was first his, so that his mother might not have died. Not died, and not been reincarnated. So that Chesmu wouldn't have had the opportunity, and so that Ama would not have had to flee upon his death. He didn't, though. He left Amaranth to the care of a cougar who had never had reason to believe he would be responsible for its protection, and that cougar failed... And so, even as he tries endlessly to pick up the pieces, Kein has failed. "I do the best I can, Ama. We all do, and I am forever hopeful that it will be enough... But it does raise some troubles, since you may not know where to send any messages you may have for us. I will do my best to send word to you, but you must take care to warn any messenger you may send that he is not to deliver any news to anyone but me or Nayeli, as I will be stressing to any messenger I may send to you." Just because a messenger Ama sends may come across some male cougar on the mountain doesn't mean it will be Kein, and this news in the paws of the wrong animal... It could be bad.
Ama's gaze remains steadfast as Kein speaks. There were so many places - so many ways - that everything went so wrong. Ama has been at its center and at its fringes, but she has always been part of this chaos. She thought everything would be better when Chesmu was gone. That her life could begin anew, refreshed. She never imagined... "I will," she confirms, gently. With confidence. She can at least do that. If she could, she would deliver them herself, but... her sons were smart. It would be unwise for her to move too far from them once she left Amaranth.
Kein finally looks back to Ama. He can't remember if he said this before, but even if he had, he would say it again now. "I do not want the bloodshed of any more members of Amaranth. If anything goes wrong... Please don't sacrifice more than you already have, Ama. When the time comes... You will be welcomed back into Amaranth with gratitude, no matter what the circumstances surrounding your return are." At least, he hopes that will be the case. That her sons will not manage, somehow, to poison her against him. If they do... Then he would have put every last hope he had into a failed maneuver, and they will probably all pay for it.
Whether he had spoken those words before or not did not matter - the reminder could not hurt. ...even if it was not needed. But if only Ama had taken the time to apply this thought to herself. If she does not return, then it is because she is unable to... not because she does not want to. Her gaze finally wavers. "I will do what I must to stop this madness," she states simply. For, though she hates to refer to her son in such a manner - that he should be mad like his father - is it not true? Finally, she moves again, turning away from Kein to look to the north... where she should be going so very soon. "I owe everything to Amaranth," she says gently. She has known love and loss here. She has felt acceptance as she had never known before this place. Acceptance she never had as a cub, growing up. Some might think it wrong she was so willing to move against her own children ... even if it is difficult for her to do so. She turns her head to look at Kein, but she doesnt speak again.
That's far from reassuring. Kein has to bite back his frustration and his fear. She'll do what she must... And so will he, so that his daughters can have peace and safety. "Before too much longer, I suspect that Amaranth will owe you everything in return. Travel safely, Ama. I sincerely hope that we will see each other again soon." She is the closest he has to a friend amongst the cougaresses of Amaranth, outside of the Matron and Shamaness. He will be sad to see her go, whether he lets himself show it or not.
She approaches Kein slowly, looking him in the eyes. "Thank you," her voice a whisper, as always. "Before I am gone," she continues a moment later, "I want you to know that my fondest wishes and memories are with Amaranth. That will never change. May your family be safe, and may you be safe." She would send word as soon as she knew anything. She would be safe with her son. She worried more for Amaranth, though she did believe the paws leading it were more than capable of keeping it well. "Please, remember my heart is here... if we should not meet again," this she says and moves - perhaps to nuzzle the chieftain in a farewell gesture, if he will take it - and then she turns to leave. It is as if she believes she will not return. Or perhaps it is the charade she prepares herself for. After all, if she believes she is never returning, then the lie will be easier to tell...
Kein has avoided all contact with Ama in the past, but he does not avoid this. He only barely returns it, but at least he does not back away. He doesn't speak again, rather watching in silence as she begins to walk away. It is what he had to do, he tells himself. What they both had to do. But, dammit, he is tired of seeing the members of Amaranth torn away from what they want, from what they deserve, by forces both outside and inside, and he is determined that this... This, and the exodus from the mountain... Should be the last it will happen.
Ama - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Cougar
- Wooded Terrain -
A slim ray of morning sunlight is breaking through the trees when Ama opens her eyes. After she left Maul yesterday, her heart was heavy, sadder. She came to this place where she may rest, and prepare for her journey. Now she rests on her side, her back to a tree. Pushing herself to her belly, the cougaress sighs. Her imminent departure is the first thing to her mind. The fact that she is not - or has not - said goodbye to even one soul in Amaranth the second. And finally, it crosses her mind to look at the faded marking on her shoulder... nearly gone. She made sure to clean herself well the previous night, and tried to remove what dye she could... but the dye is intended to remain as long as possible. It is not easy to be rid of. Finally, she arches her spine and rises, all in one smooth motion. Today it ends... or begins.
Kein is not foolish. He knows Ama has not yet left. He is not cruel, though. She was still recovering when they last spoke, months ago, and besides, what he has asked of her is no easy task. He will probably always feel guilt for even having asked it of her. He cannot push further. She must be allowed to do it on her own time, and not only because to push her further would further condemn him, but also because she cannot be distraught when she goes to her son. So he has avoided her, and waited, and watched carefully for any sign of trouble. Those signs have not come, but he has not relaxed. Today, the only reason he doesn't avoid her is because she is so near the border, and the border has to be checked. More than once a day, when he can manage. His approach in the female's direction is slow, steady, and his own mind... Thankfully blank. He spends enough hours agonizing over all that troubles him. The few periods his mind is clear are a blessing.
Oh, Ama would be a fool to think Kein didn't know she was still here. But she has avoided him. Him, and everyone else in Amaranth. It served only to build upon her guilt for not having set out immediately. For not setting out when she should have, months ago. When the weather was promising. But of course, there had been more than that. For time she was genuinely ill. Her pelt may not be scruffy anymore, and she may not be frightfully thin, but Ama has seen better days. It is a shame she should go to her son like this... but it will be more convincing, won't it? Just as her marking - allowed to fade as if she were truly going away for ever - would serve its own purpose in this plot. Ama runs a paw over her face once before she begins northward. It is evident in the whole of her being that her heart is heavy, and part of her still hesitant. Necessity drives her on. She moves silently for some moments before pausing. She's not entirely certain why she has stopped, or feels a need to, but she does. Her eyes lower, focusing on her paws for a moment as if willing them to move again.
He should see her. Speak to her. He should not feel a need to tiptoe around any member of his tribe. And still, he hesitates. Her scent grows stronger, and he knows he is getting closer. Why...? It is with a deep breath and a deliberate raising of his head that he continues onward. He will not be able to avoid her forever. Perhaps if he knew she was this far north to finally leave, he would let her go in peace, but he doesn't. It takes a fair bit of will power for him to keep his head high and keep his approach steady. When she is in sight, he finally stops walking, but he does not lower his head. He cannot let the things he has had to do in the past keep him from doing the things he will have to do in the future.
Maybe it was fate telling her to stop. To wait here. Indeed, had she continued, Kein may never have encountered her at all. It is a light, felid paw-step that alerts her of another. She flicks an ear and lifts her eyes. A deep breath tells her who it is. Her head turns. Her expression is grim as she looks upon the face of the one cougar she has made every effort to avoid since summer began. The cougaress turns to face him quietly. She doesn't speak right away. Maybe there's some amount of shame in her eyes. She should not be here. Or perhaps she should be? For once, she cannot bring herself to break the silence, and so she remains still, frozen in the morning light as she stares at the chieftain. She cannot simply move on without saying farewell to him now. Can she? Finally, some part of her moves, even if it is only the absent-minded, flicker of her long tail.
Kein would have known she had left. If he has remained with his family for an hour, or been taken aside by some other duty, he still would have known before the morning was over. Is it fate, then, that they should meet, when it will probably change little? He'll know a few minutes sooner, yes, but... With no knowledge that she is actually leaving, he says, "I have not come to pester you." It is the shame he can see that has him saying that, and absolutely nothing more about why she is still here. After that statement, he goes on with, "I am simply here on patrol... And to check on you, since you are here." Sure, that's probably technically Nayeli's job. Checking on a Sister's mental wellbeing, since her physical wellbeing is clearly... Well, good enough, anyway. Still, he has rarely hesitated to make himself available for any member of Amaranth who might wish to speak to him.
He breaks the silence, and she finally moves again. Her eyes immediately. "You have every right to," she responds softly, quickly. She should have been gone long ago. Then lifts her eyes again. For once, she makes no effort to greet him formally. Or even informally. She isn't tense, but again - her entire being seems to reverberate with the knowledge that she goes now. Away. Far from here. But under that, she knows her mission, and she will do whatever she must. For Amaranth. For her sons. ...can she still help her sons if she is loyal to Amaranth? That is something she has pondered in her time spent here. Can she still be their mother when this is done? She twists around to face Kein fully, but doesn't go any nearer to the male. What if she never returns, after all? "I know. I know you didn't come here for that," she goes on, softer still. "Still. We have not spoken in a long while, Chieftain..." A soft sigh.
"Cubs. I'd forgotten how time consuming they are." It's a sad excuse for why they haven't spoken in so long, and an absolute lie, but he'll take it as a joke, something that he attempts to use to break the tension between them. He can't help but feel like it fails, as the smile that he uses feels no more genuine when he stops talking than when he began, but... Well, maybe it will help her more than it helped him. He's not good with this small talk thing, nor, apparently, with realizing when a conversation may warrant more than simple small talk, as it so clearly does now.
His attempt it pathetic. But Ama can still appreciate it for what it might've been. So she reciprocates his smile, though it remains a heavier, emptier smile still. "Ah, that they can be," she says kindly despite all else, for she thinks of young Maul, and that is something she won't soon forget, though it makes her heart ache. The silence which follows weighs Ama down, and her smile slips away, leaving her empty again. She tries to keep her head up, in any case. She would comment on how precious his daughter was - is - or some such, but she cannot. Instead, she settles for a whisper that is almost as dead as the fading leaves: "I am going away." As they had once planned long ago. Her face contradicts her voice, and there is a deeper emotion there - and so many things she must say before she is gone.
Now? Today? Kein blinks, then looks away. Well. "Of course. Probably a good time for it, before it gets too cold." Kein takes a deep breath. With no sign of Cheveyo or Hahnee, and with his other plan being further cemented in his head... He'd almost begun to tell himself it wouldn't be necessary, but now that they're here... "I suppose there are a few things I ought to tell you, before you go. A few things... Well, that we probably should have worked out before."
That was it. It is said, and now it can be done with... well, not with certainty. But she has at least said she is going, now, today... and yet, imagine her surprise when Kein continues. The cougaress's face is rather unreadable, her surprise kept inward as she takes a few steps closer, her tail curled behind her. She doesn't speak, but it is clear she is listening. Why wouldn't she? She attempts to smile, though. But it cannot lighten her heart, to merely smile. Not as the company of the young cub had lightened it so yesterday.
Kein does not look back to Ama. Rather, he looks off to the east as he speaks. "My mate's grandmother... My children's great-grandmother... She brought Amaranth to these lands. My mother came here when she was not yet full-grown, and if I'd have had my way, all of my children would have been raised here through their childhoods... And yet, I fear I will have to be the one to lead Amaranth in exodus from the peaks of this mountain. I fear that I cannot simply trust that your warning, if it comes in time, will be enough to keep my youngest daughters safe." He is voicing it, now, for the first time ever, and it feels like admitting failure, that he should abandon his territory to whatever might arrive in the meantime. Even if he leaves his sons here to guard it for them... Well, there is no guarantee that they will ever be returning either.
What Kein tells Ama causes her heart to stop for the barest moment as she realizes what he has said. Can she feel anything other than guilt? Her eyes close, tightly, and she turns her head away. She opens her eyes again to look upon the faded crimson on her own shoulder. Her face is hard - harder than it has ever been - when she looks up at Kein again. He looks to the east. To the rising sun. Ama looks away, and her expression softens again. What can she say? She cannot ease his worries. He may be right. And who was it who brought this turmoil? Was it she? Had /she/ brought this? Had her entire life, her entire existence boiled down to... this? "You are a good chieftain," when she finally speaks, her voice nearly breaks, it's whisper quivering, "...I have met few as good as you." And she wished his life was not the one to which she had brought so much turmoil.
If that were true, he should have stopped it from ever reaching this point. He should have taken this position when it was first his, so that his mother might not have died. Not died, and not been reincarnated. So that Chesmu wouldn't have had the opportunity, and so that Ama would not have had to flee upon his death. He didn't, though. He left Amaranth to the care of a cougar who had never had reason to believe he would be responsible for its protection, and that cougar failed... And so, even as he tries endlessly to pick up the pieces, Kein has failed. "I do the best I can, Ama. We all do, and I am forever hopeful that it will be enough... But it does raise some troubles, since you may not know where to send any messages you may have for us. I will do my best to send word to you, but you must take care to warn any messenger you may send that he is not to deliver any news to anyone but me or Nayeli, as I will be stressing to any messenger I may send to you." Just because a messenger Ama sends may come across some male cougar on the mountain doesn't mean it will be Kein, and this news in the paws of the wrong animal... It could be bad.
Ama's gaze remains steadfast as Kein speaks. There were so many places - so many ways - that everything went so wrong. Ama has been at its center and at its fringes, but she has always been part of this chaos. She thought everything would be better when Chesmu was gone. That her life could begin anew, refreshed. She never imagined... "I will," she confirms, gently. With confidence. She can at least do that. If she could, she would deliver them herself, but... her sons were smart. It would be unwise for her to move too far from them once she left Amaranth.
Kein finally looks back to Ama. He can't remember if he said this before, but even if he had, he would say it again now. "I do not want the bloodshed of any more members of Amaranth. If anything goes wrong... Please don't sacrifice more than you already have, Ama. When the time comes... You will be welcomed back into Amaranth with gratitude, no matter what the circumstances surrounding your return are." At least, he hopes that will be the case. That her sons will not manage, somehow, to poison her against him. If they do... Then he would have put every last hope he had into a failed maneuver, and they will probably all pay for it.
Whether he had spoken those words before or not did not matter - the reminder could not hurt. ...even if it was not needed. But if only Ama had taken the time to apply this thought to herself. If she does not return, then it is because she is unable to... not because she does not want to. Her gaze finally wavers. "I will do what I must to stop this madness," she states simply. For, though she hates to refer to her son in such a manner - that he should be mad like his father - is it not true? Finally, she moves again, turning away from Kein to look to the north... where she should be going so very soon. "I owe everything to Amaranth," she says gently. She has known love and loss here. She has felt acceptance as she had never known before this place. Acceptance she never had as a cub, growing up. Some might think it wrong she was so willing to move against her own children ... even if it is difficult for her to do so. She turns her head to look at Kein, but she doesnt speak again.
That's far from reassuring. Kein has to bite back his frustration and his fear. She'll do what she must... And so will he, so that his daughters can have peace and safety. "Before too much longer, I suspect that Amaranth will owe you everything in return. Travel safely, Ama. I sincerely hope that we will see each other again soon." She is the closest he has to a friend amongst the cougaresses of Amaranth, outside of the Matron and Shamaness. He will be sad to see her go, whether he lets himself show it or not.
She approaches Kein slowly, looking him in the eyes. "Thank you," her voice a whisper, as always. "Before I am gone," she continues a moment later, "I want you to know that my fondest wishes and memories are with Amaranth. That will never change. May your family be safe, and may you be safe." She would send word as soon as she knew anything. She would be safe with her son. She worried more for Amaranth, though she did believe the paws leading it were more than capable of keeping it well. "Please, remember my heart is here... if we should not meet again," this she says and moves - perhaps to nuzzle the chieftain in a farewell gesture, if he will take it - and then she turns to leave. It is as if she believes she will not return. Or perhaps it is the charade she prepares herself for. After all, if she believes she is never returning, then the lie will be easier to tell...
Kein has avoided all contact with Ama in the past, but he does not avoid this. He only barely returns it, but at least he does not back away. He doesn't speak again, rather watching in silence as she begins to walk away. It is what he had to do, he tells himself. What they both had to do. But, dammit, he is tired of seeing the members of Amaranth torn away from what they want, from what they deserve, by forces both outside and inside, and he is determined that this... This, and the exodus from the mountain... Should be the last it will happen.