Company

[Therdde]

Characters:
Nyssa - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Cougar

Winter. It's coming and the autumn air is growing dryer and colder. This only bothers the young female just a bit, knowing that her travel plans will be delayed until spring. But it is better that she wait that risk the danger in unknown lands in the midst of a blizzard. She is at the edges of Amaranth still, having killed an aging muskrat by its river. A creature little more than a meal that found itself just too slow back to its den. Nyssa lays on her stomach under the canopy of colored leaves, delicately washing her paw pads and every so often glancing up into the rainbow rustling above her with a serene smile on her face.

For the past several hours Kein has been stalking through his territory, doing his best to burn off his frustration. It has worked reasonably well. The chieftain is exhausted, and only a familiar, if faint, smell has kept him going for this long. It has been far too long since he has seen Nyssa. He has caught her scent time and again, and never has worry crept in that she would have left him behind. Right now, though, it seems important to him to see her, to spend some time with her.

That smile stays, even as the forest seems to grow quiet, allowing her ears to pick up the steady march of paws across the fallen leaves. Nyssa looks up from her paws, blue eyes sweeping through the forest until the tan figure of another cougar against the dark tree bark catches her attention. She breathes deeply from the air around her, tasting the male's familiar scent on the tip of her tongue and her muzzle blooms into a delicate smile. Nyssa does not expect to begin her journey today but that doesn't mean she is not pleased to see the Chieftain. She rises from her prone stance to perch herself on her haunches, tipping her head just a little he approaches, "Hello, Kein," she calls gently.

Kein stops walking once Nyssa greets him, leaving a fair bit of space between them. For a moment he is silent, just looking at her and breathing in deeply. Rather suddenly, though, some of the tension leaves his body, and he manages a smile. "Hello Nyssa. It is good to see you again." Nothing untoward, but there is a sincerity that is rather seldom there when he feels he must be pleasant in some social situation or another.

She turns the smile with an upturn and pinch of her cheeks, eyes closing in an upside down half-halo for a moment before they blink open and shine. Nyssa allows Kein his space, not moving from her own claimed space, instead shifting her paws in order to look at him better. He seems tired but the air that he exhales is the old and at once he inhales the new. It causes her to utter a gentle, 'Hmm' from within her throat, and then, "You, as well... tell me, Kein, how are you?" How do your dreams find you this day? Her mind echos this but her lips still the thought, content in this easy conversation.

'Let's just go. Right now.' Kein doesn't say it, though. He thinks it, and even strongly desires to say it in response to her question, but he doesn't. It merely offers him a moment of amusement before he is reminded of all the reasons why he can't, and then he has to fight against a frown. "Mmm?" Wait a moment, what did she ask again? Kein takes another deep breath, then says, "I'm doing better. Now. What about you, Nyssa? Have you been getting enough to eat?" The last thing he should be thinking about is courting the female easily young enough to be his daughter, but if there is one task he should like to devote his time to, suddenly, it is finding Nyssa food, much as he once did for Nayeli.

"I've managed to find a few things," here and there, she is certainly not starving, "though I am trying to leave as much as I can for your tribe." She smiles gently at him, almost as embarrassed that she is taking from lands that are not her own. They have had this conversation before but still. Nyssa laughs very softly to herself, shaking her head before she looks up from her paws back to Kein's face, "You should remember to eat yourself," she purrs. And take care of yourself, too, Kein. She finds herself standing then, gracefully, fluidly like water, but stills her paws from approaching though they try to will themselves to do just that.

Kein keeps eye contact with Nyssa as she speaks. Of course, winter has not hit them yet. He would be surprised to see anyone failing to eat enough, truly. Still, he nods. "Of course. I... I've been eating plenty." At the very least, he has managed to maintain his bulk through the fall thus far, which will give him some advantage when the snows come. "Though... if we are to be here much longer... I'd sooner see you take a meal than pass it up just because it is on this land." True, he has two sets of grandcubs, but neither set is very large. He doesn't see Nyssa putting much of a strain on the land.

"It would be better to winter here once again, Kein," Nyssa responds, voice very gentle, feeling something like unease from the male. She replies to his kind words with a nod of her head, feeling the inside of her ears flushing hot. Why? "That is very kind of you." The female has seen and felt nothing but kindness from the Amaranth Chieftain and at this moment when that realization hits her it seems to stagger her. Crystal blue eyes widen slightly, then soften and unbidden a purr slips from her maw. Ears perk forward, stifling the accidental sound.

Nyssa has a way of understanding him than no one else seems to. It makes it easier that he does not have to be the one to explain that he feels he has to stay here at least through the winter. He was already upset enough about the idea of remaining here that long. At least he does not have to be more upset in justifying his feelings of obligation to the young female. When she purrs, however briefly, he manages a sincere smile, even without realizing it was her purring that drew the smile from him. "You are welcome, Nyssa, to all that is mine." Perhaps that's going a little far. He certainly did not mean to admit that much. But he's not exactly thinking about it, either.

Then she finds herself laughing, far from mocking or insulting, but like the wind light and airy, "Oh, Kein," she breathes, looking away when she feels that burn in her ears returning. She can't rid her muzzle of her smile, and she doesn't want to, either, even though brief thoughts of what has been happening flash across the back of her mind. Is this why she came here, and, if it is, will she cause more trouble for the Chieftain that is worth finding the answer to that question? Nyssa decides that she will think on those things later, finding that her paws have paced ahead and to the male, her muzzle grazing across his cheek suddenly that she blinks. Did she really do that?

How long has it been since Kein has touched another cougar? How long since he has touched any animal unless he was hunting? The question occurs to him, but he does not have an answer as he tenses, just for the unfamiliarity of the situation. Less then a second later, though, he manages to press against her muzzle just slightly. It's really not much in the way of tenderness from the middle-aged male, but his tenseness leaves him as he enjoys the light touch and the nearby smell of her fur for even just the briefest moment before he takes a small step backwards so that he can look into her eyes.

She is surprised at herself, to say the least, but grateful that Kein does not shy from her. Nyssa brings her head away, sitting on her haunches as she returns the look with one of her own, steady yet with a childish hint of uncertainty behind them. Sure, she is not much older that Kein's first litter but... then the idea of Maul sweeps across her mind, though she keeps that conversation for another day. "Yes, Kein?" she asks him, voice impossibly quiet in the vast forest around them.

Kein does not respond immediately. He simply looks at her for several moments, until he manages to come to some sort of decision. Then, with a smile, he says, "I was just admiring how cute you are." Again, there is complete sincerity in his voice when he speaks. This time, however, he does not wait around for a response. Rather, he turns to begin to walk away. Sure, it may leave her a bit flustered, but if he stays now, he'll be prone to not want to complete a single one of his duties for the remainder of fall. No, better that he leaves the girl flustered now, and then, if he gets the chance, sneaks back to enjoy her company tonight.

Nyssa's ears curl forward, her brows lift, and her smile widens. She can feel a flush under her skin and as Kein turns her eyes trail down to her paws. Flustered, certainly. Flattered, completely. They've never spoken like that before. As she looks up, Kein's form disappears into the trees, and lightly does she call after her, "Thank you." And Nyssa remains there for a time before sliding back down to her stomach, smile remaining, her thoughts drifting up on the wind.

- Time Passes -

In the past couple hours, the temperature has dropped by quite a bit. As Kein returns to the area where he left Nyssa, using the last of the sun's light to guide his way, he finds himself rather looking forward to settling in for the night. Once he draws closer, his pace slows and he searches for the female's scent. Hopefully she won't have gone too far.

Not far, if moved much at all. In fact, Nyssa dozed very lightly in the last rays of light before the moon began to rise and the chill air wrapped around her like a blanket. She roused not too long ago, lying prone and stretching her legs and paws to their extent before rolling back to her stomach, shaking a few stray leaves from her pelt. The female finds herself smiling still, despite the cold around her, and continues her stretching ritual as she sits up, preening for only a moment before her head turns to a skitter of a night creature away from the approaching male. Her greeting is wordless, a warm smile and that subtle purr like a puff and air.

There are a number of doubts Kein could entertain, a number of questions he could ask himself. Many of them have entered his mind briefly, but he has done his best to block them out. After all, even if it lasts no more than a few more days, it is simply nice to feel so appreciated. To feel as though someone enjoys his company, hopefully as much as he is enjoying hers. He manages to return her smile, but he doesn't bother to speak until he is just a couple feet away from her. "I thought I might join you tonight." How lucky for whatever creature that ran from him that all he cares to think about right now is Nyssa.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Kein," she whispers back, unable to hide a hint of astonishment in her voice. Since she's been on her own, she's spent her nights with no one but her guide, and a fleeting and tempermental creature it has been, too. Nyssa's ears tilt delicately on top of her head and nods her assent. Should she ask now? Should she ask him anything? Does he-- "Is there something on your mind?" Not that he would only come see her to unload a problematic life story-- that is certainly not what she means.

Something on his mind? Kein cannot help but laugh. Oh, for the days when he could go more than an hour or two without something terribly important and unpleasant crossing his mind, but whatever /is/ on his mind, it is not the reason he is here. "We'll call it the wind, hmm? The wind is on my mind." It does not even occur to him, as he says that, that the wind is her totem. Perhaps if that had occurred to him, he might wonder whether there is a reason gusts left him so chilled towards the end of the evening, so eager to share someone's company tonight,

Nyssa seems to still a little bit, her eyes wide with a hint of surprise but more than that with the joy of knowledge. She's never really talked with Kein much about her clan or their beliefs but only fleetingly and in passing. That simple statement seems to warm her from within and there is a familiar tug at the tip of her ears. Her smile is quick to brighten, "The wind says many things. It is never still." And that is all that she'll offer on that, unless the Chieftain would like to know more about what drew him here. She doesn't seem to realize that it could have just been a passing remark. To her, Kein meant it.

"Oh yes? And what is it saying to you now?" For so long as he has lived, Kein has never been terribly in touch with spirituality. He has, however, seen the forms of animals long dead, and heard other animals speaks of things they had no earthly way of knowing. He is, thus, entirely serious when he asks. In no way does he mock her beliefs. After speaking, though, he allows himself to lie down, stretching a little as he does.

"To smile," Nyssa replies very simply, doing just that. For a moment she watches Kein, then turns her body and steps a faction closer before easing her haunches to the side and settling herself next to him. She folds one fore paw underneath her chest, the other out in front of her for balance, and her tail coming to rest across her back legs. "To speak with you, Kein," she says then, soft face turned toward him as her eyes rest on the frame of his face. There is a pause from her, whiskers quivering at the whispers in her ears, "I believe," and then she pauses, breathes, and continues, "I believe I met your daughter the other day."

Kein finds himself purring oh-so-quietly as Nyssa lies beside him. If only- No. No, he is here to enjoy her company, not to wonder how things might be different. And then she is speaking, and it helps him to take his mind off whatever thoughts he'd started. "My daughter? Which one?" Kein remains curious, but mildly so. Surely, if the meeting had gone poorly, he'd have heard about it already.

His purr. Deeper than hers, as infrequently used, too, perhaps, but an action that soothes her mind. She echos it, 'Hmm,' from her throat before he replies and, embarrassed, she shrugs. "I'm sorry, I don't know. She never gave me her name." But how to bring up such a curious event; it didn't bother her but with what little she knows of the Chieftain or his life, she does know that he is quick to guard himself against the world. Nyssa kneads her paw into the cool earth a moment, considering this, then, "She asked me a very curious question. Something that I felt deep inside somewhere and I haven't shaken it." Instead of avoiding the male, she looks him directly in the eyes. "She asked who was inside of her."

Inside of...? "Maul." Kein takes a deep breath. If there is one person he would be reluctant to leave, it is Maul. Not that she would ever agree to come with him. Nor, most likely, would she miss him terribly. But he has left her far too many times in his life, and it will break his heart to do so again. "She's not..." But perhaps he is coming to his daughter's defense before he actually needs to do so, so he cuts himself off and instead asks, "And?"

"Shh," Nyssa soothes as Kein tries to continue, very subtley shaking her head. Don't bring up your walls so suddenly, Chieftain. The sound from the female is not demanding or hissed, but like her demeanour, it is gentle. At least now she can place a name to the young face she will remember. So alike and yet so very far apart. "I'd thought perhaps it was her guide-- her totem, rather, speaking to her. She insisted it was not. Then I wondered something," Nyssa muses, her eyes trailing up into the darkening sky and its alternate patches of clouds and winking stars. "Amaranth feels like an old place, a wise mountain." Yes, Amaranth lives just as either of them. "Perhaps it was a creature whose paws once tread the same earth. Your daughter, she was eager to know and yet it was like that... voice... told her she should not have said such things." Then there is a small sigh from her. "I hope I did not upset her."

Kein looks away from Nyssa as he thinks. Of course the girl still struggles with it. Kein shouldn't be surprised by that, but it does upset him. The chieftain takes a deep breath, then says, "When... When Nayeli was still pregnant, before she gave birth to Maul... We were visited by her grandmother. She told us that both of the cubs Nayeli was carrying would be spirits returning to Amaranth. One was meant to be that of a stillborn cub, and the other one... Maul is... /Maulisho/ /was/ my mother." And even he doesn't know who Maul is, or how much she knows. Just knowing that she struggles with what she is still today makes him reluctant to discuss anything with her, reluctant to remind her of something before she is ready to remember it.

So, whatever-- whoever it was that she felt there, it wasn't just an imagination being swept away by another's. She listens with canted ears, her face growing concerned and then softening, and when Kein is quiet again she leans forward and rests her muzzle against his shoulder, remaining there for much longer than that fleeting touch before. Nyssa breathes in his scent deeply there, closes her eyes a moment and then, "There was nothing malicious there. Just confusion. She's young." Nyssa can't be much older. "It's what's been asked of her. No one should feel guilt for that. Particularly you, Cheiftain," she finishes, hardly speaking above a whisper.

"Shouldn't I?" Oh, there is nothing of value down that road. It has taken Kein long enough to accept that his mother's spirit being returned to Amaranth could hardly be considered a blessing, at least for him. He can't go back to wondering what he could have done differently. "I wanted her back so badly." He is forced to stop talking a take a deep breath before beginning again, just to keep control of his voice. "I can't describe to you how much I blamed her, when... when she passed. So how should I not feel guilt that she is back, and suffering for it?" It's not something he thinks about often, thankfully. But it is there.

Perhaps Maulisho came back not for Kein's daughter to learn something, but for Kein himself. As the Chieftain speaks, painful as it is, the fact that he gives all of this to her so suddenly, so openly, it becomes quite clear to the young female. "What if," she begins, lifting her head and placing her paw on his fore leg, her eyes resting there, as well, "that visitation was to show her son that he should not feel such? She has helped you give life to another on this mountain, completing a cycle that you have wounded yourself with for so long. Wouldn't your daughter's own existence be that salvation you and your mother have been searching for?" She presses her paw to his leg before withdrawing to tuck it back against her chest. "I'm sorry," Nyssa sighs, apologetic, "I shouldn't say such things. I have no right to."

Kein closes his eyes as Nyssa speaks, taking the time to breathe deeply and make sure he has control over his emotions. He can be honest with Nyssa, sure, but he hardly intends to use her as a shoulder to cry on. When he opens them again, he feels a bit calmer, and he says, "If I should not feel guilty over Maul, then you certainly should not feel guilty for trying to make me feel better, Nyssa." With another deep breath, he leans his head against her before adding, "Not that I can make any promises."

"No one is asking for promises." She lifts her muzzle as Kein leans into her, a natural reaction it seems, and rests her chin on the crown of his head. "A mother doesn't know what it is to feel hate toward her cubs, no matter what has passed between them." Not that she has ever been a mother, but for Nyssa the idea is unfathomable. "A mother teaches, and they do that out of love. There is a reason that she is still here, Kein, and it is certainly not to hurt you." Nyssa doesn't know where these thoughts and feelings come from, but she knows that wherever it is, it is true. She withdraws from him only slightly, to look at his face for just a moment and then presses her cheek against his, sighing into that light and airy purr.

"Ah, but you see, a mother has to be that way. If she weren't, no tyrannical little cub would survive the first few months." Maul has done plenty in her lifetime to cause pain to those around her, though it has been mostly unintentional. Regardless, Kein is really only trying to lighten the mood before adding, "Besides, she might be inclined to disagree with you. Her mother was far from loving. All of the things she experienced, the first time around..." Kein shakes his head, then rests it against Nyssa again.

"Maybe she just wanted to know what it was like," Nyssa gives, finding that Kein's words hurt her more than she expected them to. It's still nothing that her son should feel guilt for. Then agan, as she said before, she has no right to pretend to know what has passed seasons before her or even Kein. She's quiet for quite some time after that, at a loss for what to say or do. She finds her throat caught but lets go of that tightness and keeps what could have been tears away from her eyes. Then after a moment she opens her eyes again and finds that she has brushed Kein's cheek with her tongue, smoothing his own invisible tears away. Nyssa blinks, pulls back her head a little and looks dumbly down at her paws.

Kein breathes slowly and deeply even as Nyssa seems to be struggling with her own breath. In an attempt to remove the tenseness from the female, he agrees. "You're right. Maybe she did." He then nudges under her chin, trying to raise her head. Of course he still feels guilt. He feels guilty about things regarding all of his children, and probably will until he dies. It doesn't keep him from functioning, though.

At his urging she looks back up at him, brow furrowing only slightly at his words. "Do you really think so?" she asks, wanting to know if Kein really does believe that. He could just be saying that but she hopes not. Her eyes are bright as they try to rinse away the feelings of saddness that washed over her a moment. "Look at me," she says almost in jest, sniffing, "It's foolish."

Kein nuzzles firmly against Nyssa before responding, "Yes, I really think so. And you are being anything but foolish." At least, he hopes not. Far be it from him to suggest someone is being foolish for caring about him and his. After responding, he settles in to just try to comfort her with some gentle nuzzles and a quiet purring.

"Thank you," she purrs softly, lowering her eyes and leaning into Kein's nuzzle with the barest brush of her own. Nyssa smiles a little then, laughing, "We should go back to listening to the wind." The Chieftain was much happier before she began such a silly conversation with him, and now look at her state, their roles reversed. "Unless," she says, lifting her gaze again to Kein's own, "you had something of your own?" Or they can sit there in the quiet night. It would certainly not be uncomfortable. As foolish as she felt, Nyssa is at peace. To share that with Kein would be a pleasure.

"I suppose, since the wind has such important things to say, we'd best not keep talking over it." Okay, so maybe that's a bit over the top. Truthfully, though, Kein has had something of a rough day, and he is looking forward to spending a few hours in silence, now. He wastes no time, either. After speaking, her pulls his head back from Nyssa before resting it on one paw, ears perked as he does so.

Nyssa smiles ruefully and gives Kein one final nod, drawing both her front legs underneath her and taking a deep breath. She watches him settle and then allows her eyes to drift closed, ears daintily swiveling to the side. While Kein might listen to the silence, or the noise of the wind in the autumn leaves, Nyssa listens for something else. Whether or not she hears anything no one could tell, as she doesn't seem to give away anything except that serene smile.