A Meeting of Elders

[Azoto]

(OOC) This scene initially to be between Wachiwa and Skahla, however others of the UTE pack may join in as they wish; posted to the forums because (yet again) of a clash between our time zones. n.n;

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Behind the Waterfall --
Past the veritable wall of rushing water lies a dark, spacious cave. The ever present roar of the waterfall at the mouth serves to sever the outside world and the cavern by creating a barrier to all five senses. The inside of the cavern is naturally damp, and the air is filled with a light mist from the falls.

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Wachiwa is circling her rut in the earth within the waterfall cavern; she's yanked almost all of her stray shed fur from winter out in clumps, and as well from along her belly, to line the rut, as well as plucking the fur from rabbits brought to her by Ikuna. It's in the rut that two pups lay; Kurux slumbers, as does his wee sister, Nonkene. The runt and the giant, sleeping next to each other. At the moment, she needed to stretch her legs. Before laying down again, she drags the remains of a rabbit close, and then lays down, curling about her pups.

She gnaws halfheartedly on the ears of the hare, before stretching out on her side to give the pups each a chance to nuzzle in and find a teat; feed the babies first, then feed her own belly; she sighs to herself at this, before she lays her head on one crooked forepaw, thinking about things. She's failed her pack, she's sure; somehow part of this must be her fault; and in punishment the Spirits laid this task upon her; a task to bear and guide two puppies that will, in all likelyhood, find themselves unwanted among their only family except save their mom.

Some hope had come when Asku had returned; his smell about the place gave her some.. vague comfort, but it was weak and not always there. Especially when Ahiga's scent was growing weaker. In some ways, she could tell; the Pack was pulling together, but it was also starting to fall apart.

Somehow, she was sure all of this was her fault.

[Therdde]

At least Wachiwa is not alone in blaming herself. Not even in the slightest. The alpha has been able to offer the new mother no comfort, though. It is not for any instinct to see that his own children are provided for before any others. He has only one healthy child remaining, and the pups he has not met are, have to be, as deserving of food as Hadir. He has never been comfortable around pups, though. Or around mothers, for that matter. He loved Shawnee to the very... end, if that's what this is. But he always felt awkward, being around her when she was preoccupied with their pups.

With Wachiwa, there is no chance that he will feel any less awkward. If he is to do as he told himself he must, though, and be there for the members of his pack who need them... then he must do it all the time, instead of continuing to shy away when it is simply too uncomfortable for him to do so. So, after days of putting it off, Skahla finally makes his way into that cave that holds Wachiwa and her pups. As he does, he wonders, again, how he can possibly tell her about how he simply couldn't find her sister.

[Azoto]

How does one tell someone the last person they have any track of in their family is possibly gone?
How do you tell someone that they just spent a bad winter getting mauled, harassed, and having horrible things done to them at the whim of a bunch of dogs - the same dogs who then attacked her back, and left her forced to have to collect what of it she could even while badly injured and compromised...
After losing her parents at so young an age, then losing the two wolves who had been like her parents so recently, and then losing her brother Mori to being alienated of the pack...
How does someone tell Wachiwa that her sister, her last bit of family in the pack, may be gone..? Dead? Or just.. lost. Can't be found.

These are, indeed, questions to be considered. At the moment, Wachiwa's concernes lay with the two pups at her side; although one glaance at them makes her features, troubled, soften, slightly. She had wanted these to be the children of Asku, the children of Skahla's brother. She had wanted these to be the children of her puphood love. It was, perhaps, imagining them as such until they finally came, that kept her going through the winter, kept her from trying to just die.

She knew they would not be loved by the pack; not after their sire's actions. But perhaps she could love them, as a mother loves any child. And perhaps.. Maybe, in time, Asku... If he did not see her a slight, could love them as if they were his own. She let herself believe these false hopes to get through it. And curling about the pups now, she sighed a little, and began to sing to them softly, a song she only slightly remembers.

"Down a dark path, through the willow woods, there is a pond there, where dream boats are docked in the cat tail reeds, I know, I've been there.."

It is in the singing that she notices someone coming into the waterfall; ears twitch, and a pause in soft tones comes when she looks toward the dark shape coming inti the cave; the sight of which brings her carefully to sit up. Her foreleg is finally healing, but in a manner that suggests a perminent weakness there from now on.

"Skahla... I am.. glad you are back, so safe. I.. Have much to talk to you, I guess.." She looks to the small balls of sleeping fur about her legs sadly.

[Therdde]

The voice catches Skahla's attention and causes his step to falter. Soon enough, though, he is making his way in again. He has told himself so many things about how the pack simply has to treat these pups. The reality of it is different, though. Of course it is. After Skelaghe died, after Wyanet and Hahtalekin died, they couldn't even make Skelaghe's half-dog children feel comfortable here. How are they meant to do that with the pups of a dog who hurt Wachiwa this badly?

Hopefully by remembering that they are Wachiwa's pups too. No pup with Wachiwa as a mother could possibly grow to be savage or cruel, Skahla is convinced of it. Or maybe he only tells himself he is convinced of it. Either way, once the new mother notices him, Skahla stops moving forward entirely. He'll have to get over this. He knows he will. But for today, he cannot treat Wachiwa's pups any differently than he did his own, which means he cannot bring himself to get near them.

Such queer little things, pups. So... fluffy. So fragile. Forcing his gaze away from them and to Wachiwa, the alpha frowns. Even while he frowns, he says, "You're looking a little better, Chewy. The others have kept you fed, right?" He absolutely does not address what Wachiwa says, not directly. When she figures out how to say what she wants to say, she'll say it. And when he figures out how to say what he needs to say...

[Azoto]

A weak smile comes from this; 'awkward' rambles freely between them both, and makes japes at them as they try to figure out how to beat it back enough to use their tongues and voices to say what needs to be said. Wachiwa replies softly, "Yes.. Yes, I'm always finding food left for me, though I rarely see who leaves it because I've been... resting." And possibly because, like Skahla, it is hard for anyone else in the pack to make eye contact with Wachiwa or her pups, after what has happened.

Wachiwa herself finds it hard to make eye contact with the Alpha, turning her one-eyed gaze to her paws again in thought, before she speaks again. "... Shawnee's... not coming back, is she. If she was here, I'm sure she'd have come to see her sister by now, to offer... I don't know. Advice? Consolation? Anger, perhaps." She sighs, before she looks to the ground; so interesting this soil at her feet.

"You don't have to.. say anything about that to me, Skahla. If anyone here deserves more consolation, it's you, you, Althaea, and Hadir. ... I.. didn't find any answers for him, Skah. Maybe this is just... the way things will be, for him. He's made it this far... Maybe, now that he's older, things will start to get better." Chewy sighs in thought, before she looks over to the pups at her side; as usual, they're quiet only when asleep. She can't help but smile at that thought.

"... Little Kurux takes after his uncle. He's always grumpy unless he's being fed, bathed, or is sleeping." She weakly announces, and also tries to tease.

[Therdde]

Skahla turns his head away from Wachiwa abruptly when she brings up Shawnee. Even when she continues beyond merely asking after her sister, Skahla cannot look back. It is not grief or sorrow that has him looking away, though. At least, not sorrow for himself. It is shame.

"I... I was never that grumpy, you know." It is an attempt to be almost light hearted, but it fails dismally. No, he shouldn't even have tried. He should have just... said what really needs to be said.

"I am sorry, Wachiwa. I shouldn't have let you go in the first place." Has he simply repeated the same mistake with Althaea? He hopes not, for at least Althaea is going to visit allies. Known allies. He does wonder, though, how many times each lesson is going to have to be drummed into his thick skull before he gets the message.

[Azoto]

"If you had tried to deny me," Wachiwa remarks softly, "I would have gone anyway. I thought... I thought maybe I really could find answers for him, Skahla. Instead, I found only more questions.. and I found.... Something I don't wish to recount to anyone." She sighs, shaking her head. "I don't think it would have changed much anyway... If anything, I would have been with Shawnee, and then I wouldn't be here." She frowns, and sighs, shaking her head, before she looks to the two problems at paw; the large and the small.

"I will understand, if you want me to leave with them as soon as they are old enough to travel, Skahla. I know already that Ahiga does not approve of dogs.. And I know I can't hope to expect anyone to accept that these two, while horrible reminders, did not ask for this life, and can grow up different." She sighs a little, and then says softly, "I would ask, though, that.. You at least let me stay close to my family; stay close to the pack, where-ever we go, back 'home', or somewhere new. So I can see... all of you, even if I do so from afar." She smiles weakly.

Then looking to the balls of fur, she murmurs softly, "... I...I am a horrible mother, for at first, when the one came out, and all the rest refused to breath.. or .. breathed only for a short enough time to give hope.. I began to .. pray that Kurux would be the only one, and that maybe he would befall the same problems as Hadir." She's quiet for some moments, before she considers.

"And then I realized that.. Maybe the reason, Kurux, and Nonkene, survived.. are healthy.. Is to give our Alpha a chance to have a healthy 'son' under his watch." She looks to Skahla with a strange expression. "You could take the mantle of caretaker from me so easily; it would be the Wolf right, you know. Without Shawnee, it would be a little hard.. But I could at least.. get him to weaning.. And you could have your healthy son..." ... She's quiet. Perhaps she's gone a little mad in the time she'd spent among the dogs.

"I started to think maybe.. this is the Spirits' answer for Hadir."

[Therdde]

Skahla becomes clearly startled by everything that Wachiwa is saying, and for the second time he looks at that male pup. Before he speaks, it becomes clear that he is thinking. Of course, all of these things are within his rights. He could run Wachiwa off. He could demand to raise the boy, or both the pups, as his own. It may be the only chance he ever has to have healthy... Ute-blooded... "offspring."

If he could actually do either of these things, though, whether it is within his rights or not, he would not be worthy of his role. It would be the final link in proving he is not fit to be alpha, that he has no chance of redeeming himself, and then hopefully... one of the younger adults, or all of them, would be there to protect Wachiwa and run him off.

"Stop, Chewy. Just... stop. It is not on you to apologise for what has become of Hadir. This, Ute, wherever we are, is your home. Yours as much as it is mine. More than it is mine. It is your pups' home too, no matter what Ahiga thinks he knows. I will not see the mistakes that were made with Skelaghe's pups repeated."

Perhaps his speech is harsher than it needs be, but his anger is not with Wachiwa. His anger is with the fact that she has cause to be worried about these things in the first place. She should have known she would have a safe place to return. She should have known an Ute alpha would never allow anyone to run her pups off. And because of all of Skahla's failings over his time as alpha, she was forced into a position where she had to return to her home without knowing whether she would even be welcome.

[Azoto]

Wachiwa's ears droop a little; in comfort, perhaps, but also in thought. She would never admit it openly, but the truth would be that if Skahla had taken his right, she would have been sad for not being allowed these pups, but would have at least seen them grow. She is sad, still, however; for Hadir is still Hadir, and without answers for him, she feels very bad, like her quest outside of the Ute brought nothing but pain, sorrow, and a promise of worse to come.

She looks to the two pups again, and then heaves a sigh, before she looks to Skahla. ".. I do not know the entirety of what happened with Skelaghe's pups. At the time, we were all young; you and your brother being groomed for taking your parent's place, you likely saw more than I, who spent my youth chasing leaves, and listening to the stories.. Until there were no more stories." She smiles weakly.

"... But I know that as long as I have a say, I will not raise these pups to... be.. like their.. sire." she frowns. "He is no 'father', he may have sewn the seed, but he does not have the claim to them. Let them find a 'Father' in all of Ute. Let them grow, and learn from all of us." She sighs. And then lays her head down on her paw again, thoughtful.

"You are right, though. Wherever we are is home, as long as we are all together. The old den, a new den, land is land. The heart of the pack is in the Wolves who make it... I think perhaps.. maybe the younger members of the pack, may need a reminder of that." She pauses, and considers Skahla's expression, and then adds: "And perhaps we the older, too. You... Are as troubled as I, Skahla."

[Therdde]

As troubled as Wachiwa? It is a selfish thought that follows in Skahla's head, for he cannot compare the pain of losing a mate to the pain that she experienced, but he still considers that he is more troubled than Wachiwa. He hopes it, at any rate, because this was meant to be his burden. He SHOULD be more troubled.

"Not that you ever have, Wachiwa, but I beg of you... let my troubles be my own." Skahla has grown old in the past couple of years. Older than anyone who ever saw that pup barking at the water and attacking the trees could have imagined he would grow. "I am willing to take responsibility for my failings. I don't want to see anyone else hurt because of me."

"And as for you... all I want from you, Chewy, is for you to continue telling your stories. But not about this. Not about anything like this. Now more than ever, the pack needs to know that life is not misery and suffering. Do you understand?" And is she capable of doing such a thing, in her state? He hopes so, because if she can't, who else is left? He can't tell a story to save his life. Or to save anyone else's.

[Azoto]

With a slight stiffness, wachiwa slowly stands, earing a few whines of complaint from the pups as their warm and happy body heat sours stands. But she quickly nuzzles them for comfort, both hers and theirs, then stiffly comes closer to Skahla, before leaning in to nuzzle at his shoulder-- he, too, needs the comfort, and she knows while it may be an odd thing to receive from her, she will give it as she can.

"Your problems have always been yours, Skahla. But you know I worry. I worry you will let the weight on your shoulders become so great it will crush you down, and I'll lose someone who is, perhaps, my second greatest friend. My first, now, I suppose, if Shawnee has joined our parents in the great hunt beyond with the spirits," Wachiwa sighs sadly at this, but.. She smiles slightly anyway. "You will have a humped over back like a bear. Perhaps it is you I should call Kurux." She teases softly, before she sighs.

"And no... No, this is not.. there are no stories to be told of what happened to me. Not now. Now until my pups are grown, and have pups of their own, Spirits willing. But I will tell stories. I will tell the story about Coyote and the stars, or I will tell the story about the greedy fox who tried to steal the hare from his own reflection. But.. no. No, there will be no stories about this winter.. Not for a long time."

[Therdde]

Absolutely despite himself, Skahla cannot help but give a smile at Wachiwa's teasing. It is thin, only barely there, but there all the same. He even manages to nuzzle back against Wachiwa. He has never been very free with affection, but he is trying. He is trying, and finding himself wondering why it is he held himself back over the years.

"Even the ones who are grown, Chewy. All of us need a reminder of what the Ute spirits are. Reminders that they are there, teaching us the lessons... that we need to learn." He has become so convinced of this recently. He isn't entirely certain what those lessons are, yet. Or why they need to know them. He is certain, however, that every bit of pain they have felt is a result of their boneheadedness, of HIS boneheadedness, in learning these lessons.

"And marks, Wachiwa. Like my mother used to have. It has been a long time since any wolf has worn one here, but I want us all to now." Because it's important. He knows it is. If pressed, he would simply say something about community or a pack identity or some such, but the truth is that he doesn't know why he thinks they're important, why he feels so strongly that each member of the pack should wear the symbol of a spirit they've scarcely been taught about. He only knows that he does.

He has spent every day since he became alpha fighting against these things he knows he should do. Questioning himself about whether he had a good enough reason for any of it, so that no one could accuse him of being that strange little pup, not fit to be alpha. Look at how far that tactic has gotten them. So he is done with it. It is time to try... something different.

[Azoto]

Ears ... flatten a little, at the mention of marks, and Wachiwa looks to the ground, trouble on her face. "... These marks; they are like the ones Helaku had, are they not? That.. may cause some .. disquiet, among the younger wolves. Tala especially-- she had no love for the wolf Helaku who lived among us during the spring when Ikuna was abducted, and she had reason for it; he made many mistakes in his attempts to be kind and give guidence."

Wachiwa considers. And takes a breath.. before she looks up to Skahla again: "I have to admit, I do not know the stories of the markings, not even from listening to Helaku talk of what was his Ute. Do you know much of them, Skahla? Perhaps it is you who should tell stories, too. Tell us stories of what we should be, if we are to return to what we once were." She smiles slightly, then looks to the water thoughtfully.

In this, she ends up leaning against Skahla unless he backs away; leaning against him in a manner of familiar comfort. Something she half expects he, too, needs.

[Therdde]

"I used to listen. To Crescendo, before she left, about what HER Ute was like. When I was supposed to be asleep. But you know I can't tell a story to save my life, Chewy." As he speaks, he does not move away from Wachiwa.

"This is OUR history, Chewy. And we've just let ourselves ignore it because... because we were too wrapped up in other things, I don't know. The best I can do now is... maybe tell you things. Talk with you. And maybe you can talk to the others in a way that won't put them to sleep, like it would if I tried."

After Skahla finishes speaking, he turns his head to nuzzle at the new mother before he begins to move away. He, for one, has said what, at least for today, he had to say, but he looks at her to make sure the same is true of her before he excuses himself.

[Azoto]

Wachiwa spends the time as he speaks, leaning against him, turning her head to breathe his scent. She remembers their puppy days so faintly now; she can only remember the good things, like the hiding holes, and the tugging war of squirrels. She'd be lying if she tried to tell him she ever listened to anyone; Wachiwa always knew she would not grow up to be an Alpha or a Beta. She was going to live life, be free, follow her heart. She sighs softly, then nods slowly.

"We should talk then, Skahla. About the things you heard from Crescendo. I promise not to fall asleep when you speak. Maybe I can translate the stories of old better for you, so you do not worry about others not listening." She smiles a little, but watches as he moves to leave. She sighs, and turns away, to return to the litter of nested two puppies, curling around them as she lays down, humming soft notes to them, to sooth their sleep in her momentary disturbance. But.

"Skahla..?" She speaks up, after checking them over to reassure them and herself. "... I still think your parents would be proud of you. You have triumphed in the face of so much trouble. Because of you, though our numbers have been cut low, we will survive, and the Ute will live on in heart and spirit. You have done great things... And I, for one, am proud to call you my alpha." She smiles, then adds softly, "And as long as I'm alive and able, my children, they will know all the songs of their Uncle's deeds."