Post by Cael on Jan 18, 2007 7:21:11 GMT -5
Curving Creek
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Upon this strip of land the water changes once again, running off from the brook and slanting first to the east and then back to the west, creating a sharp corner of bank on the western side that leads into some thick undergrowth. The area, unlike most others, is fairly open - the creekside is clean and littered with gentle blades of short and sweet grass, creating something more akin to a beach than a forested waterway. A few large boulders left here long ago by the world changing are planted in various spots, providing both vantage points and sunning spots.
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[IC] Felstride, Lazuli Alpha male
[IC] Storm, Lazuli Alpha female
[IC] Miakoda, Lazuli Beta female
Away from the dense foliage that surrounds the den site. Away from the wolves that slumber and the suffocating amount of emotions that seem to radiate from the area itself. Away from all of that, everything else seems .. serene. Spacious. Miakoda is glad for this fact as she's been in dire need to "get away" for a while, though unlike wolves of the younger generation, she's opted to stay upon pack lands. The she-wolf can be found near half-frozen creek, standing on its frozen banks with her head tipped downward toward the particles of ice that cling at the edge of the waters. A half-set sun casts long shadows upon everything, including herself, though it's her image that she stares at, not the thin lines of darkness. A light breeze pushes her tail slightly to the side and teases the long fur of her coat, but other than that, she's motionless.
The sun does cast long and thin shadows of the trees, but it also brings a rosy hue to the snow as it slowly sinks behind the edge of the earth. He too has wandered his way away from the crowded den site, complacent in the fact that issues with other, more aggressive wolves seems to have subsided for now. It is this quiet lull that causes his foot paws to pick their way through the snow, and the Alpha male takes the time to settle his mind. Felstride doesn't notice much at first, his bright honey-eyes cast somewhere off in the distance and the wind playing games with his thick neck scruff. The look on his face is a strange mixture of serenity and solitude all rolled into one, and as he looks around the forest his attention meets with the familiar form by the creek. He says nothing, though, only managing to lower himself to his haunches and watch Miakoda in silence.
Miakoda's ear turns, though it's not because she's picked up the soft sound of a certain wolf's paw steps. Her head turns to look upriver, but whatever it was she thought she heard is not, or is no longer there. Her head raises a little now and she takes in a deep breath through her nose that's exhaled as a cloud through her mouth. Amber eyes turn up and settled prolongedly upon the hues of dusk that have been painted across the horizon, and she takes a step forward, settling a fore paw within the biting waters of the creek. "It's ... not vengeance, is it?" Words are soft and marked by her seen breath of white, and her body gently flattens with an exhale. It's her next breath that brings a familiar scent to her, and both ears now raise as she turns around, eyes searching for and soon finding the alpha male sitting there. "...How long have you been there?"
The only motion from Felstride at first is the subtle shift of his ears on his head, tilting forward as the she-wolf whispers to the wind but the sounds are so soft that he cannot make them out; perhaps that was the point, after all. He blinks slowly, taking in a deep breath and letting the brief cloud envelope his head before realizing that Miakoda has seen him, smelled him rather, and now directs that voice his way. "Not long," comes Felstride deeply rich voice, somewhat subdued.. almost quiet, as he respectfully drops his head until his nose barely brushes the snow, then pushes off with his paws until he stands again. The wolf takes a few steps in the direction he had been going, parallel to the river, and glances at the Beta, "I am sorry I bothered you. I did not know you were here. I shall go, if you wish.." And there he leaves it hanging, unsure if he did something wrong, and unsure of his own needs to do what is right.
Miakoda faintly lifts a brow as he speaks of departing, and slightly does she shake her head in reply. "Why? These are your lands, Felstride," she says evenly as she steps away from the water, pausing long enough to give her wet fore paw a good shake before it's set back upon the snow. "You needn't go," she assures with a sidelong look to him, eyes lingering for a moment before they're turned toward one of the large boulders that lay in the area. "There's room enough to share, and I'm doing nothing that could be interrupted or bothered." Her tail flicks to one side before she advances upon one of the aforementioned boulders. She leaps upon one and soon after settles onto her stomach, allowing a fore paw to hang over the edge while the other is curled toward her chest.
"They are not mine," he manages after a short while, gently shaking his head as he watches Miakoda make her way on top of said boulder, "They belong to all of us." For some reason, the wolf still feels the need to justify that though he may hold a title, it is still just that; a title. To Felstride, creating a cohesive pack is more important than running one. That said, the male slowly turns and quietly moves through the snow, brushing away small tracks as he closes the gap between them with just a few paces. Settling back down on his haunches again, curling his tail around his foot paws, Felstride watches Miakoda with an odd sense in the back of his mind; she's not acting like she does when surrounded by the pack. Then.. which personality is true, or are they both valid? The she-wolf confuses him greatly, but he does not make that the topic of conversation. His amber eyes trail to her dangling foot paw, and his voice comes quietly from his barely parted muzzle, "What were you doing, if I may ask?"
Miakoda says nothing in reply to his comment about who owns the pack lands, though there is a subtle dip of her muzzle that might have been a nod. His question inspires a chuckle from her, and the she-wolf gives her head a half shake. "Nothing at all," she answers, watching him from her perch. "So you see, it's rather difficult to interrupt nothing when nothing is happening. Unless you count the task of staring at the stranger that is yourself on the surface of frozen waters as something. I don't." A single shoulder is shrugged and her eyes also turn to her own overhanging paw. "And you? What are you doing here? It isn't often that I see you away from...the pack," she says after taking a moment to change her words.
He listens, and because he does so he catches the subtle change in her tone and the slight pause between her words. An ear flicks, but Felstride doesn't say anything regarding what he knows she meant and instead turns his attention to the frozen water and Miakoda's meandering tracks in the snow. The male gently shrugs his shoulders, shifting ever so slightly on his forepaws as he stares at the crystal reflection of the dying sun, "Perhaps you were looking for something in the ice..." The question posed is left hanging, as if he was hoping for an answer but not particularly expecting to get one. At her own query, Felstride issues a deep burr from his chest, letting his gaze rove across Miakoda and her high perch to where the den lays not far off. "It is quiet. I took the time to walk, perhaps for the same reasons as you." Again he shrugs, rolling his shoulders skyward before a blink leads him to return his gaze the she-wolf's way. It is not scrutinizing, somber, or accusatory; it is just.. watching.
Something in the ice? Miakoda chuckles at that and diverts her gaze to the creek. "I'd be hard pressed to find it there," she replies before she uncurls her paw from her chest and pushes herself up into a sitting position. She stands soon after and, after meeting his watching gaze, dismounting from her bounding and landing neatly upon the snow not far in front of him. "You walk. I walk. Perhaps we should walk together," she says with a subtle lift of a brow. "Unless you've done enough walking with more favorable company than I and you find yourself too weary.." she says, noting the last /walk/ he took with a certain other alpha.
Maybe she would, but that doesn't mean she wasn't searching for it. Felstride doesn't take his attention from the Beta as she stands, jumping from her perch. He listens, like he always seems to be doing, and as Miakoda's words gradually evolve into something a little more harsh, his reaction is to stand and begin walking. His gait is slow, purposeful, and he brushes by the she-wolf with his shoulder, accepting her.. ah, invitation (if it can be called that) to walk. Felstride says very little, lost in his own thoughts and wondering before finally a flick of his ears and a flit of his eyes to one side is offered. His muzzle parts, his black lips just barely separating as he speaks softly, almost sadly, "You are upset with me. What did I do wrong?"
Her paws press softly against the snow-covered ground as she walks with him, keeping about a pace worth of distance to the side of him. She says nothing for a while, and her face is expertly void of any expression whatsoever. But this succeeds in giving her an almost cold look that reaches her concentrated eyes which she keeps set forward as they go along. Though she hears his question, she is in no hurry to answer it and silence stretches for a time as she thinks over her words. "You know," speaks Miakoda, her words coming softly, "this is the second time you've asked me those questions. Not the second time today, but the second time, regardless. I'm not upset with you," she assures, still speaking without looking at him. "I am, though unjustly so," she corrects with a slight wrinkle of her nose. "We've had this conversation before, haven't we? You know what I have to say. You know how I ... feel. But it doesn't matter."
"If it did not matter, Miakoda," he replies almost immediately, slowing the pace even further until he stops altogether, tilting his head to cast his gaze down at her foot paws, "Then you would not continue to act as you have been." Felstride makes as if to go on, but no words come to him and so he is forced to shut his muzzle and stare at the snow covered earth. The sun has nearly gone, and a few stars have begun to shine in the darker region of the sky which will soon envelope them in a blanket of black. She has been cold to him, and something tells him that she is well aware of her personality shifts; he doesn't have to elaborate on that. Felstride's ears fall back along his skull as his brow knits in a mixture of concern and grief. A sigh escapes him before he lifts his honey-eyes to meet hers, "I care very deeply for you, Miakoda. You may not believe me, but it is true. But I fear that one day, if we continue to act so coldly, that you will begin to hate me. I am lost, Miakoda."
As his paw steps slow and eventually stop, Miakoda finds hers doing the same, mirroring him. Pausing where she is, still that pace away from him, she exhales a breath and turns her eyes on him, forcing her gaze to steadily stay upon his as he speaks to her. Her eyes briefly veil and her muzzle tips downward toward the snowy ground. But quickly do they reopen and her head levels once more, shoulders squaring. "I don't know if I believe you, though you say it's true. I can't help the way that I am ... or rather, the way that I act, for the way that I've acted is not who I am. But when you are with her, when you .. worship her so, my heart grows sick. It grows so sick that I feel something .. unpleasant inside. Something that I should not feel toward anyone of this pack."
That very feeling, that sickness that comes from something so pure as compassion, is something that Felstride has worked so hard to avoid.. and yet it seems that he has failed in doing so. His eyes flutter closed in an uncontrolled blink, ending up shadowed and half-lidded, focused on the ground beneath her paws. Felstride exhales a deceptively calm breath, though a single tear manages to work its way from his eye to soak immediately into his cheek fur; the last of the day's light probably didn't even get a chance to see it. The wolf's tail hangs still behind him, his ears slicked back like a young pup getting lectured for wandering too far away from his mother. To him, Storm is the creator of the Lazuli and the reason he tries to desperately to keep it together. But his compassion for Miakoda goes beyond pack dynamics, and it is here that he meets his problem. He must betray one.. to keep faith with the other. Despite his promise to her, he may very well speak about this to his Alphess. His thoughts aside, Felstride lifts his head to meet the she-wolf's steadiness, admiring her tenacity but also wishing it didn't have to be quite this harsh. The wolf says nothing as he paces forward, brushing his cheek along hers and he continues to walk, muscular shoulder touching her sides until he has passed her with the tip of his tail. Then, Felstride's bright eyes close, his hindquarters sink into the snow, and his forepaws slide under the white blanket until he can bury his face. And sobs. Softly.
She isn't sure how her words will be received. Hell. In the end, she isn't sure if she's said anything at all. Real or a dream? A blink brings her to the present and the smallest shakes of her head is seen. Real. With an inhaled breath she waits for .. something. Anything. Miakoda couldn't even imagine what his reaction to all that could be, but she tries to prepare herself for .. anything. As the alpha begins toward her, her body stiffens and her head slightly lifts. The unexpected touch has her vaguely shivering, and briefly do her eyes close as his body grazes so beautifully along her own. It's only as the soft caress of his tail has left her that her lids part and a held breath is released through a parted mouth. She can't turn around. Not yet. It takes her a moment to compose herself. To not feel and look so utterly .. taken by this already taken wolf. But eventually she does turn around, and what she sees there causes her expression to fall. "..Felstride?" Hesitantly does she take a step forward, then another until she's alongside the somber wolf. "...No. No, don't do that. I'm sorry," she whispers as she lowers her head enough to nuzzle against his ear, if he allows. "Felstride, no. This is anything but your fault and your tears should not be shed on my account. Pause them. Pause them and smile at your own fortune."
Fortune? What fortune is there in such a struggle, one that any other wolf could have easily settled with a flick of his tail? In all this, there is something deep inside his chest that he can't let go of; a strange and duty bound calling of faith and honor, a belief he has carried with him long before the Lazuli, long before his time as a wanderer. There is little for him to do now, though, for that knot in his chest has forced its way into his throat, shaking his body slightly as he fights with himself to keep the feeling down and stem the trickle of tears that squeezes through his shut eyes. What if things were reversed? Would he still be here, stuck in the middle? Who knows. What he does know is Miakoda's soft touch behind his ears, and it causes them to relax and come away from his head slightly. It takes him time, a long time, but the alpha painfully lifts his head until his eyes, now glistening behind shed tears, stares distantly off toward the river. For once... he is at a loss. Miakoda's words reach him, distantly, but as he draws a halting breath and lifts his parted muzzle to glance at her... there are no words that come to him. Pause them? His eyes glitter, breath shuddering. What now? Helpless, the wolf looks to her now. (Some alpha).
As his head finally lifts from his paws and he turns teary eyes to her, it's a soft look that he's greeted with. Miakoda's expression is one of compassion and obvious care, and gently does she lean forward to touch her nose to his muzzle before her tongue is used to brush his tears away from his facial fur, and if her gesture is not denied, her tongue is also washed up his muzzle and between his eyes. If a wolf could purr, rest assured that this wolf would be purring a soft sound to him now, but what she can not show through sound she tries to convey through soft touch and gentle affection. Eyes closing now, she gently presses the side of her head against his, silent for a time as she breathes in his scent with deep breaths. "Felstride.." his name is said with an exhale and she pulls her head from his soon after. "If I could cease your tears, I'd be by your side to cease them forever. I so desperately want to be the one that you turn to for comfort. That I turn to for comfort ... But I'm not." Her head shakes a little at this realization, and her chin slightly lifts afterward. "I realize that I am the one that causes discontent in this pack. It is I that is the source of your sorrow, and I apologize. I apologize, and I .. I will alleviate it. I don't want to be the one that plagues you any longer. As much as I care for you, I won't be your downfall."
He does not protest, and lets her wipe away the shame of his sorrow from his fur, closing his eyes yet again but this time to let them rest. As the night surrounds them, Felstride is aware of only Miakoda next to him, and as she rests her head against his own, he returns the affection and offers a gentle nuzzle underneath her chin. At his name, the wolf opens his eyes to peer up at the she-wolf, cupping his ears forward at hearing her desires out loud again. Though, when the apology comes, he drops his head and shakes it once left, once right, and pushes himself up to his haunches with great effort. Once up, Felstride shakes his head again, his muzzle clenched tight and slightly down turned as he struggles. "No," he manages to whisper through his teeth, turning his still saddened eyes on Miakoda. "No, do not. I.." He stops there, back peddling once. Split equally in two, Felstride is at a crossroad that either path he takes will end up with pain, "I.. love you, Miakoda." Blurt. "B-But I c-cannot.. I.. I must betray one to keep faith with another.." his voice grows pained, brows knitted, and he shakes his head. At a loss, unraveling, Felstride seems to be less of the self-confidant one he makes himself to be.
Miakoda does not step forward as he steps back, and she stands there watching him with a sad expression etching over her features. But .. He loves her? Oh, how her heart swells and leaps at the phrase, and Miakoda gently sucks in a breath as she absorbs the moment, as disheartening as it ends up being. "Oh Felstride.. Felstride, I love you too. How I've longed to hear you say this. How I've dreamt..." her words trail off now, and her head gently bows down as she turns her eyes from him. "...I understand, Felstride. You needn't speak any further. I understand. You have already chosen your female, and she lays in wait for you." Her eyes turn to the den site, though they're unable to linger for long. "My .. My desires can only be dreams. Felstride .. I can't stay. I can't stay here and long for you as I have been all this time. It ruins you, and it ruins me."
"You cannot leave," he nearly begs, retracing his backward steps with a forward bound, stepping in front of her view where the den lies, "Please." Felstride's heart pounds against his chest, and he breathes heavily in an attempt to keep what little composure he has left, "You must not," comes his last whisper, this time begging, dropping his head to look up at her through saddened and desperate eyes. Were she to leave, though the choice of his paths would return to one, the wolf knows that he could never forgive himself. He loves Storm. He loves Miakoda. One understands, the other doesn't know. Then there is a flicker of hope behind his eyes, and as he steps closer to reach out and brush his tongue by her cheek he wonders if his hopes are well founded. "I can speak with her. She may understand. I have come to love two, equally and deeply, and I do not think I can ever change that. But. If I can speak with Storm." They are untraditional, as it were. But who's to say how Storm and Miakoda will feel about one another? If. It's always if. "I cannot choose one over the other. I cannot give up on both and leave the pack to flounder. You must not leave, for it would destroy more than just myself."
As he so suddenly blocks her view, Miakoda takes in a breath and lifts both ears, eyes steadily holding his own. She cannot leave? Miraculously, the female manages a ghost of a grin. "I very well can. All I have to do is put one paw in front of the other and .. and .." And that's as far as her jest gets as she soon loses heart and that grin fades. The touch of his tongue to her cheek does help to lift her spirits some, but his next words has her heart squeezing in his chest. "Felstride, you mustn't. Oh, you mustn't!" she says, ears flattening against her head. "She wouldn't..she couldn't understand. She'd despise you and me, and you would be more miserable than you are now. Felstride.." Eyes close and she lowers her head, hoping to press her forehead against fur of his chest. "You must let me go. It's the only path to your happiness with her."
Her jest doesn't go very far with him even from the beginning because he knows what she uses her humor for, and now is not the time for pushing things aside. Despite Miakoda's abhorrence to the idea, Felstride still feels that somehow, Storm would indeed understand; she would prefer to know than to have this going on behind her back, he knows that much. As she buries herself in his neck scruff, Felstride lifts his muzzle to rest his chin delicately across her head, his nose resting behind one of her ears. He stays like that for a moment, but her last words cause him to reach out with his fore paw and press it pointedly on one of hers, "I will not let you leave, Miakoda. It would destroy me more than you could ever know. If I betray my honor and continue to keep this from Storm, then I would rather be unhappy than to risk losing you."
Miakoda keeps her muzzle and face pressed against him, finding comfort in both his nearness and the strength of his scent. Each exhale is warm and come in slow intervals, and as she speaks again a vague whimper can be heard lifting from her throat. This is bad. This will be very bad. Very slowly dose she pull her head away from him and her eyes open in order to hold his own. "If you tell her," she says slowly, "...when .. you tell her, I want to be there. I'd like to be there. But Felstride, I can't see anything good coming from this. Nothing at all but heartache." Her brows push together slightly and a frosty breath is exhaled afterward, eyes half-veiling. "I'm sorry for all of this, really I am. I know it's all my fault."
The wolf lets her stay as she wishes, though when her voice muffles through his fur and she pulls her face away, his ears tilt forward and miraculously he manages the barest of smiles. The corner of his muzzle pulls up ever so slightly, and Felstride dips his head down in response to her worry. To be honest, he was quite surprised that Miakoda would want to be present when he told Storm.. everything, but a strange feeling of content washes through him tickled with a hint of worry, "Miakoda," he whispers, taking a small step forward, "I think perhaps your worries may be unfounded. Storm is understanding, and you know this as well as I. I know she would rather be told, than to feel betrayed by the two wolves she loves most." The wolf watches her for a short time, eyes glistening with both concern and hope. Felstride takes a slow breath, his tail gently brushing the snow behind him, "It is not your fault. If any blame is to be put, blame me. But I believe that all will be well, if you will trust me..."
"I understand that," says Miakoda softly, gently lowering her head in a nod. "I hate it as much as you. She is .. or was, I'm not sure, my best friend. Though, how would you feel if your best friend told you that he was in love with your mate?" she questions with a mirthless chuckle. "That's what I fear. I fear the wrath of betrayal. But I do trust you," she confirms with a small, yet sincere smile. "And I /don't/ blame you..." She trails off now and turns an ear, quirking a brow now. "Well .. perhaps you're partially to blame. Your eyes are to blame. Or that chivalrous streak you have." Smirking slightly, she stands to touch her nose to his shoulder. "If you think all will be well, well .. all will be well." She hopes.
The wolf offers a slow and deliberate nod at Miakoda's assessment, and while he doesn't disagree with her, he doesn't wholly agree, either. "Still," he churrs deeply, letting his eyes drift shut and feeling the muscles in his face, neck, and shoulders slowly relaxing, "I know that the feelings of betrayal would be greater were we never to tell her anything." Felstride's ears flick once before he opens his eyes, now brighter.. less dull, letting them fall on Miakoda as she presses her nose to his shoulder. He takes another breath, turning to face the den site with a look of hopeful determination, "Yes, I do think that we shall all be well. Perhaps not at first, it may take time... but I think.. I think all will be well."
She isn't to sure whee some of the pack has gone off to but she's sure there around somewhere or another. Storm is making her way through the snow covered ground a half yawn escaping the alpha as she's done with patrol of the lands near the mountains. At least there isn't any pack trying to kill them there..yet. Her ears perk knowing the caught a voice an the the fresh scents of Fel and Mia so she trods onward until she catches sight of the pair an smiles. "Evening you two." The alpha calls out, tail swaying about as she's glad to see them.. If she only knew what they'd been talking about now an then so many days before.
Miakoda looks briefly to the den site, but her attention soon returns to Felstride again and her expression softens. Tail swishing once, she lightly nuzzles at his shoulder before taking a backward step, and it's a lucky thing that she's done so just when she did for it's not very long after that another wolf arrives on the scene. Speak of the devil. Miakoda's ears quickly lift at the familiar sound of Storm's voice, and she takes a few more sudden steps away from Felstride. A reflexive thing. She was caught off guard! "..Evening, Storm," she says with a light smile to the alpha before her eyes dance to Felstride.
Off guard, indeed. Felstride returns the nuzzle with a light smile, but at Storm's sudden voice his ears twist to one side as his eyes and muzzle follow, that smile widening in reflex. Despite all the conflicts in his mind these past few days, he cannot deny that he loves Storm greatly and is happy in her presence. Of course, his thoughts are a little less happy, but that doesn't stop him from rising slightly, twitching his tail at Miakoda before pacing forward a few steps to greet Storm. He nuzzles her warmly, "Hello, Storm," he churrs softly, easing himself back in his haunches, glancing briefly back at Miakoda. Hmm. There is silence for a moment, as he wonders how to approach this, but decides that instead of making Storm ask them, he will take the brave step, "We were.. speaking of many things. Important to us, and the pack."
Storm tilts her head as she peers at the two curiously, not that she thinks anything of them nuzzling. She murrs softly an nuzzles Felstride back. "Oh?" She questions while settling down next to him an half leans against his side. "So what have you two been talking about?" This shall be interesting..
Aw. Is it really her turn to say something? Miakoda stands where she is, slightly distanced from the two and somewhat at a loss as to how to handle this. It isn't often that she finds herself lacking anything to say, and though she has much to say ... it's not anything easily spoken. Ears faintly flick back and his eyes turn from one alpha to the other, lingering on Felstride longer than Storm. "Mmm.." she says thoughtfully, looking at Storm now. Her brows furrow faintly and nothing else is heard after that. She gives a look to Felstride, one that reads 'Sorry I'm a chicken but didn't we agree that it'd be /you/ that talks to her?' .. Right!
Feel free to volunteer any time now, Mia'! Of course, he watches her for a moment, giving a gentle flick of his ear as if to tell her that everything was alright, before his gaze flutters down to Storm. He lifts one of his paws and presses it firmly against one of hers for a lingering second, before returning it to the snow. The wolf takes a long and deep breath, letting his eyes close a moment before opening them with a new courage that came from deep within. "I.." he pauses, closing his muzzle in an attempt to gather himself and try again. "I love you very much, Storm. I have come to love this small family that you and I have worked hard to knit. I.. have come to see everyone as family; Bodhi a brother, SilentPaws a son. And," again he stops, lifting his eyes to Miakoda, "I have come to see Miakoda.. as I have of you. I have struggled with these feelings for some time, but I knew I could never feel right until I told you. I do not want to betray you, Storm, because I love you. I do. Now, I am unsure of where to go, for I fear that my poor decisions might lead to unnecessary pain." Breath. There. He has left Miakoda's feelings out, for now, and with a gulp, returns his worried eyes down to his alphess.
Storm glances to Mia some, she's not surprised by her lack of not talking, she's gotten use to it after all. It still bothers her to say the least, more in a hurt way then anger though. She glances back to Felstride smiling.. at first anyway, but as Felstride talks on the smile turns to a frown an she just watches him unsure her maw opens some but she's not sure what to say.. Is he leaving her for Mia?... She's confused to say the least an glances to Miakoda slightly, ears lowering before she looks back to Felstride. The alpha say nothing for a moment, maw twitches an head lowering some. "I don't understand.." She lifts her gaze to Felstride once more. "What are you planning on doing then?..You sound as if you plan on leaving me." Well its a truthful thought after being told something like that.
Hmm, what is it that she should be doing? Standing there? Well, Miakoda's doing a fine job of that at the moment! but maybe she should be pacing. Or moving. Breathing might be nice! She's apparently forgotten how to do such as Felstride begins to speak, and her breath is held as she looks to Storm for reaction. Ears flatten briefly as the other female speaks, and her head lowers just slightly as she exhales. "It isn't that at all," she says with faintly furrowed brows. "You know Felstride, and one would have to be blind to not see how crazy he is about you." A glance to the wolf brings with it a smile smirk, though her attention soon returns to Storm. Unfortunately, words again fail her, and instead of speaking, she settles onto her haunches with her head lifted, giving Felstride room to speak.
"No," comes Felstride's almost immediately, vehement response, shaking his head as he stands to face Storm, "I would never do such a thing as leave you." Miakoda's words are echoed with another nod, and the wolf worriedly paces back and forth once or twice before stopping and returning his gaze to Storm. His eyes are a mixture of worry, sadness, and love, and his maw struggles to open as he continues; somewhere inside, his heart is tearing in two with anxiety. "But I am afraid that you will think ill of me, for caring for Miakoda so much as I do for you. I.." he stops again, plunking his hindquarters down in the snow and glancing at both wolves in front of him. His ears twitch before he whispers into the cold breeze, "I love you both greatly, but I am afraid that such a wonderful thing as love will tear our family apart. I will leave neither of you. I will not leave this pack to fend for itself. But Storm, I needed to tell you because you needed to know. To keep it from you would be dishonorable and unfaithful, though I still do not know what I can do for you both. Am I supposed to neatly divide my emotions between two? I could not. Am I supposed to choose one or another? I.. I have proven that in my weakness.. I cannot."
Storm ear flicks to Miakoda while her gaze just rests upon Felstride watching him quietly, alright fear of him leaving gone.. Now fear of wondering why the heck he didn't tell her in the first place is there. "Felstride.. If you felt this way why didn't you just tell me to start with? I can't believe you just had this feeling over night." She offers with a soft tone while she glances over to Miakoda watching her a few moments. "You feel the same as Felstride.. IS this why you treated me like you did the past days making me think I wronged you some how?" When it was really the other way around.. The one wolf she considered her sister here falling for the one wolf she's ever loved. If she's mad at anyone she could be mad at Miakoda over this.
Miakoda glances over to Storm with a look that's a sad mixture of both guilt and sorrow, and yet, somewhere within that mix is the faintest glimmer of glee. As she's spoken to, her ears lift and she gently exhales a sigh. "I'm sorry, Storm. The way I treated you was wrong, and I realize that. But ... have you ever been so consumed by jealousy that all you wanted to do was make that wolf feel as miserable as you did? ... Perhaps not. That is my own weakness, I've realized. I'm vengeful. I'm envious." She smirks a little, though that look too is tainted with guilt. "And I'm sorry. I truly am very sorry, and I can only hope that someday you will forgive for all of this. I'm not so idealistic to think that it will come quickly, but I also have patience and I'll wait as long as it takes and work as hard as I need to to gain your friendship and trust again."
"We were afraid," is all the poor male can manage, his ears drooping back against his skull as Storm's focus turns to Miakoda. He had hoped to perhaps take the blame, leaving Miakoda out of it to help keep thing together, but a part of him realizes that the truth.. and apologies.. were best to come out now. His attention shifts to the beta as well, letting go of a breath he didn't realize he had held as she speaks with the wisdom of a calm mind. He gives her a gentle bob of his head, and as he does so he lowers his until he now looks up at Storm with apologetic eyes, "I am very, truly sorry, my Lady Storm. If I hurt you, it was not my intention. I still love you. I always will." Felstride gives the slightest nods before letting his eyes drift shut. He can only imagine what Storm will do, but a weight has been lifted from his heart now that everything has been said. A new worry arises, wondering if the alpha will ever trust him again, but whether or not she chooses to, Felstride will be their for the her, Miakoda, and the pack regardless.
"You've known me a long time Miakoda.. Have I ever wished that on anyone? Even the ones that treated me so poorly when I was growing up.. Perhaps that is my weakness then." Storm offers softly an looks away from the two, her maw twitching. "I treated you like my sister Miakoda, I would have done anything for you an it seems you would not have done the same for me." She's hurt, more from Miakoda's actions then Felstride's. "Then perhaps you don't know me that well either Felstride.. An that is what hurts me the most, the fact that neither of you felt that you could trust me, that neither of you could come an speak to me." The alpha bites her lip as she watches Felstride and lowers her head to press it against Felstride's, a soft sigh escapes her. "I love you Felstride.. Suppose I feel for you when I first saw you, nothing is going to change how I feel about you my dear wolf." The alpha slowly slips to her paws an starts to pad away from the two. Her mind full of everything, even more then what was said. The alpha slowly slips to her paws an starts to pad away from the two. Her mind full of everything, even more then what was said. So much has happened since she started this pack that she truly wonders if she was ever to suppose to be alpha.
"Storm..." Miakoda frowns as she watches the other female, ears pressed against her skull. "Storm, c'mon. This isn't something that we could just .. That I just ... blurt out to you. How do you think I feel about all of this? How I felt trying to keep myself form feeling anything.." Another exhale, and she stands, watching after the departing wolfess with a lost look on her face. Eyes now trail to Felstride, but she hangs back, apparently expecting him to follow after her while she has little desire to do so herself.
But he will not follow, for a part of him knows that Storm will need to think and for something as injured as trust... it might take her some time. A little time alone before things will return to normal. The wolf issues a pained whine, though he bites his tongue to keep it back the best he can as Storm draws away from their nuzzle and moves silently away. With a creased brow and saddened eyes, the alpha remains seated in the cold snow, one ear pointed Storm's way as she disappears into the woods, the other listening to Miakoda. He lifts a paw, shaking it slightly as if to suggest to let it all simmer down.. that it was alright. Part of him wanted to believe that. When her figure is gone, vanished among the night and the trees he lifts his head to the silent and starry night to issue a strong and carrying howl. One that rushes into the air, full of strength and determination, saying, "I am here. I am strong." There is no sadness in his voice, no weakness, a message to all that he is still Felstride. When the time comes, he will still be there.
Storm moves off through the forest heading off until she hears the howl. She pauses an lifts her head listening, thinking.. Soon a howl escapes the alpha female, not one for help or calling anyone but one to prove she's still there. No she's not going anywhere, she just needs to think. With that done the she-wolf moves off heading toward the mountains to settle down in some place with cover it seems.
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Upon this strip of land the water changes once again, running off from the brook and slanting first to the east and then back to the west, creating a sharp corner of bank on the western side that leads into some thick undergrowth. The area, unlike most others, is fairly open - the creekside is clean and littered with gentle blades of short and sweet grass, creating something more akin to a beach than a forested waterway. A few large boulders left here long ago by the world changing are planted in various spots, providing both vantage points and sunning spots.
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[IC] Felstride, Lazuli Alpha male
[IC] Storm, Lazuli Alpha female
[IC] Miakoda, Lazuli Beta female
Away from the dense foliage that surrounds the den site. Away from the wolves that slumber and the suffocating amount of emotions that seem to radiate from the area itself. Away from all of that, everything else seems .. serene. Spacious. Miakoda is glad for this fact as she's been in dire need to "get away" for a while, though unlike wolves of the younger generation, she's opted to stay upon pack lands. The she-wolf can be found near half-frozen creek, standing on its frozen banks with her head tipped downward toward the particles of ice that cling at the edge of the waters. A half-set sun casts long shadows upon everything, including herself, though it's her image that she stares at, not the thin lines of darkness. A light breeze pushes her tail slightly to the side and teases the long fur of her coat, but other than that, she's motionless.
The sun does cast long and thin shadows of the trees, but it also brings a rosy hue to the snow as it slowly sinks behind the edge of the earth. He too has wandered his way away from the crowded den site, complacent in the fact that issues with other, more aggressive wolves seems to have subsided for now. It is this quiet lull that causes his foot paws to pick their way through the snow, and the Alpha male takes the time to settle his mind. Felstride doesn't notice much at first, his bright honey-eyes cast somewhere off in the distance and the wind playing games with his thick neck scruff. The look on his face is a strange mixture of serenity and solitude all rolled into one, and as he looks around the forest his attention meets with the familiar form by the creek. He says nothing, though, only managing to lower himself to his haunches and watch Miakoda in silence.
Miakoda's ear turns, though it's not because she's picked up the soft sound of a certain wolf's paw steps. Her head turns to look upriver, but whatever it was she thought she heard is not, or is no longer there. Her head raises a little now and she takes in a deep breath through her nose that's exhaled as a cloud through her mouth. Amber eyes turn up and settled prolongedly upon the hues of dusk that have been painted across the horizon, and she takes a step forward, settling a fore paw within the biting waters of the creek. "It's ... not vengeance, is it?" Words are soft and marked by her seen breath of white, and her body gently flattens with an exhale. It's her next breath that brings a familiar scent to her, and both ears now raise as she turns around, eyes searching for and soon finding the alpha male sitting there. "...How long have you been there?"
The only motion from Felstride at first is the subtle shift of his ears on his head, tilting forward as the she-wolf whispers to the wind but the sounds are so soft that he cannot make them out; perhaps that was the point, after all. He blinks slowly, taking in a deep breath and letting the brief cloud envelope his head before realizing that Miakoda has seen him, smelled him rather, and now directs that voice his way. "Not long," comes Felstride deeply rich voice, somewhat subdued.. almost quiet, as he respectfully drops his head until his nose barely brushes the snow, then pushes off with his paws until he stands again. The wolf takes a few steps in the direction he had been going, parallel to the river, and glances at the Beta, "I am sorry I bothered you. I did not know you were here. I shall go, if you wish.." And there he leaves it hanging, unsure if he did something wrong, and unsure of his own needs to do what is right.
Miakoda faintly lifts a brow as he speaks of departing, and slightly does she shake her head in reply. "Why? These are your lands, Felstride," she says evenly as she steps away from the water, pausing long enough to give her wet fore paw a good shake before it's set back upon the snow. "You needn't go," she assures with a sidelong look to him, eyes lingering for a moment before they're turned toward one of the large boulders that lay in the area. "There's room enough to share, and I'm doing nothing that could be interrupted or bothered." Her tail flicks to one side before she advances upon one of the aforementioned boulders. She leaps upon one and soon after settles onto her stomach, allowing a fore paw to hang over the edge while the other is curled toward her chest.
"They are not mine," he manages after a short while, gently shaking his head as he watches Miakoda make her way on top of said boulder, "They belong to all of us." For some reason, the wolf still feels the need to justify that though he may hold a title, it is still just that; a title. To Felstride, creating a cohesive pack is more important than running one. That said, the male slowly turns and quietly moves through the snow, brushing away small tracks as he closes the gap between them with just a few paces. Settling back down on his haunches again, curling his tail around his foot paws, Felstride watches Miakoda with an odd sense in the back of his mind; she's not acting like she does when surrounded by the pack. Then.. which personality is true, or are they both valid? The she-wolf confuses him greatly, but he does not make that the topic of conversation. His amber eyes trail to her dangling foot paw, and his voice comes quietly from his barely parted muzzle, "What were you doing, if I may ask?"
Miakoda says nothing in reply to his comment about who owns the pack lands, though there is a subtle dip of her muzzle that might have been a nod. His question inspires a chuckle from her, and the she-wolf gives her head a half shake. "Nothing at all," she answers, watching him from her perch. "So you see, it's rather difficult to interrupt nothing when nothing is happening. Unless you count the task of staring at the stranger that is yourself on the surface of frozen waters as something. I don't." A single shoulder is shrugged and her eyes also turn to her own overhanging paw. "And you? What are you doing here? It isn't often that I see you away from...the pack," she says after taking a moment to change her words.
He listens, and because he does so he catches the subtle change in her tone and the slight pause between her words. An ear flicks, but Felstride doesn't say anything regarding what he knows she meant and instead turns his attention to the frozen water and Miakoda's meandering tracks in the snow. The male gently shrugs his shoulders, shifting ever so slightly on his forepaws as he stares at the crystal reflection of the dying sun, "Perhaps you were looking for something in the ice..." The question posed is left hanging, as if he was hoping for an answer but not particularly expecting to get one. At her own query, Felstride issues a deep burr from his chest, letting his gaze rove across Miakoda and her high perch to where the den lays not far off. "It is quiet. I took the time to walk, perhaps for the same reasons as you." Again he shrugs, rolling his shoulders skyward before a blink leads him to return his gaze the she-wolf's way. It is not scrutinizing, somber, or accusatory; it is just.. watching.
Something in the ice? Miakoda chuckles at that and diverts her gaze to the creek. "I'd be hard pressed to find it there," she replies before she uncurls her paw from her chest and pushes herself up into a sitting position. She stands soon after and, after meeting his watching gaze, dismounting from her bounding and landing neatly upon the snow not far in front of him. "You walk. I walk. Perhaps we should walk together," she says with a subtle lift of a brow. "Unless you've done enough walking with more favorable company than I and you find yourself too weary.." she says, noting the last /walk/ he took with a certain other alpha.
Maybe she would, but that doesn't mean she wasn't searching for it. Felstride doesn't take his attention from the Beta as she stands, jumping from her perch. He listens, like he always seems to be doing, and as Miakoda's words gradually evolve into something a little more harsh, his reaction is to stand and begin walking. His gait is slow, purposeful, and he brushes by the she-wolf with his shoulder, accepting her.. ah, invitation (if it can be called that) to walk. Felstride says very little, lost in his own thoughts and wondering before finally a flick of his ears and a flit of his eyes to one side is offered. His muzzle parts, his black lips just barely separating as he speaks softly, almost sadly, "You are upset with me. What did I do wrong?"
Her paws press softly against the snow-covered ground as she walks with him, keeping about a pace worth of distance to the side of him. She says nothing for a while, and her face is expertly void of any expression whatsoever. But this succeeds in giving her an almost cold look that reaches her concentrated eyes which she keeps set forward as they go along. Though she hears his question, she is in no hurry to answer it and silence stretches for a time as she thinks over her words. "You know," speaks Miakoda, her words coming softly, "this is the second time you've asked me those questions. Not the second time today, but the second time, regardless. I'm not upset with you," she assures, still speaking without looking at him. "I am, though unjustly so," she corrects with a slight wrinkle of her nose. "We've had this conversation before, haven't we? You know what I have to say. You know how I ... feel. But it doesn't matter."
"If it did not matter, Miakoda," he replies almost immediately, slowing the pace even further until he stops altogether, tilting his head to cast his gaze down at her foot paws, "Then you would not continue to act as you have been." Felstride makes as if to go on, but no words come to him and so he is forced to shut his muzzle and stare at the snow covered earth. The sun has nearly gone, and a few stars have begun to shine in the darker region of the sky which will soon envelope them in a blanket of black. She has been cold to him, and something tells him that she is well aware of her personality shifts; he doesn't have to elaborate on that. Felstride's ears fall back along his skull as his brow knits in a mixture of concern and grief. A sigh escapes him before he lifts his honey-eyes to meet hers, "I care very deeply for you, Miakoda. You may not believe me, but it is true. But I fear that one day, if we continue to act so coldly, that you will begin to hate me. I am lost, Miakoda."
As his paw steps slow and eventually stop, Miakoda finds hers doing the same, mirroring him. Pausing where she is, still that pace away from him, she exhales a breath and turns her eyes on him, forcing her gaze to steadily stay upon his as he speaks to her. Her eyes briefly veil and her muzzle tips downward toward the snowy ground. But quickly do they reopen and her head levels once more, shoulders squaring. "I don't know if I believe you, though you say it's true. I can't help the way that I am ... or rather, the way that I act, for the way that I've acted is not who I am. But when you are with her, when you .. worship her so, my heart grows sick. It grows so sick that I feel something .. unpleasant inside. Something that I should not feel toward anyone of this pack."
That very feeling, that sickness that comes from something so pure as compassion, is something that Felstride has worked so hard to avoid.. and yet it seems that he has failed in doing so. His eyes flutter closed in an uncontrolled blink, ending up shadowed and half-lidded, focused on the ground beneath her paws. Felstride exhales a deceptively calm breath, though a single tear manages to work its way from his eye to soak immediately into his cheek fur; the last of the day's light probably didn't even get a chance to see it. The wolf's tail hangs still behind him, his ears slicked back like a young pup getting lectured for wandering too far away from his mother. To him, Storm is the creator of the Lazuli and the reason he tries to desperately to keep it together. But his compassion for Miakoda goes beyond pack dynamics, and it is here that he meets his problem. He must betray one.. to keep faith with the other. Despite his promise to her, he may very well speak about this to his Alphess. His thoughts aside, Felstride lifts his head to meet the she-wolf's steadiness, admiring her tenacity but also wishing it didn't have to be quite this harsh. The wolf says nothing as he paces forward, brushing his cheek along hers and he continues to walk, muscular shoulder touching her sides until he has passed her with the tip of his tail. Then, Felstride's bright eyes close, his hindquarters sink into the snow, and his forepaws slide under the white blanket until he can bury his face. And sobs. Softly.
She isn't sure how her words will be received. Hell. In the end, she isn't sure if she's said anything at all. Real or a dream? A blink brings her to the present and the smallest shakes of her head is seen. Real. With an inhaled breath she waits for .. something. Anything. Miakoda couldn't even imagine what his reaction to all that could be, but she tries to prepare herself for .. anything. As the alpha begins toward her, her body stiffens and her head slightly lifts. The unexpected touch has her vaguely shivering, and briefly do her eyes close as his body grazes so beautifully along her own. It's only as the soft caress of his tail has left her that her lids part and a held breath is released through a parted mouth. She can't turn around. Not yet. It takes her a moment to compose herself. To not feel and look so utterly .. taken by this already taken wolf. But eventually she does turn around, and what she sees there causes her expression to fall. "..Felstride?" Hesitantly does she take a step forward, then another until she's alongside the somber wolf. "...No. No, don't do that. I'm sorry," she whispers as she lowers her head enough to nuzzle against his ear, if he allows. "Felstride, no. This is anything but your fault and your tears should not be shed on my account. Pause them. Pause them and smile at your own fortune."
Fortune? What fortune is there in such a struggle, one that any other wolf could have easily settled with a flick of his tail? In all this, there is something deep inside his chest that he can't let go of; a strange and duty bound calling of faith and honor, a belief he has carried with him long before the Lazuli, long before his time as a wanderer. There is little for him to do now, though, for that knot in his chest has forced its way into his throat, shaking his body slightly as he fights with himself to keep the feeling down and stem the trickle of tears that squeezes through his shut eyes. What if things were reversed? Would he still be here, stuck in the middle? Who knows. What he does know is Miakoda's soft touch behind his ears, and it causes them to relax and come away from his head slightly. It takes him time, a long time, but the alpha painfully lifts his head until his eyes, now glistening behind shed tears, stares distantly off toward the river. For once... he is at a loss. Miakoda's words reach him, distantly, but as he draws a halting breath and lifts his parted muzzle to glance at her... there are no words that come to him. Pause them? His eyes glitter, breath shuddering. What now? Helpless, the wolf looks to her now. (Some alpha).
As his head finally lifts from his paws and he turns teary eyes to her, it's a soft look that he's greeted with. Miakoda's expression is one of compassion and obvious care, and gently does she lean forward to touch her nose to his muzzle before her tongue is used to brush his tears away from his facial fur, and if her gesture is not denied, her tongue is also washed up his muzzle and between his eyes. If a wolf could purr, rest assured that this wolf would be purring a soft sound to him now, but what she can not show through sound she tries to convey through soft touch and gentle affection. Eyes closing now, she gently presses the side of her head against his, silent for a time as she breathes in his scent with deep breaths. "Felstride.." his name is said with an exhale and she pulls her head from his soon after. "If I could cease your tears, I'd be by your side to cease them forever. I so desperately want to be the one that you turn to for comfort. That I turn to for comfort ... But I'm not." Her head shakes a little at this realization, and her chin slightly lifts afterward. "I realize that I am the one that causes discontent in this pack. It is I that is the source of your sorrow, and I apologize. I apologize, and I .. I will alleviate it. I don't want to be the one that plagues you any longer. As much as I care for you, I won't be your downfall."
He does not protest, and lets her wipe away the shame of his sorrow from his fur, closing his eyes yet again but this time to let them rest. As the night surrounds them, Felstride is aware of only Miakoda next to him, and as she rests her head against his own, he returns the affection and offers a gentle nuzzle underneath her chin. At his name, the wolf opens his eyes to peer up at the she-wolf, cupping his ears forward at hearing her desires out loud again. Though, when the apology comes, he drops his head and shakes it once left, once right, and pushes himself up to his haunches with great effort. Once up, Felstride shakes his head again, his muzzle clenched tight and slightly down turned as he struggles. "No," he manages to whisper through his teeth, turning his still saddened eyes on Miakoda. "No, do not. I.." He stops there, back peddling once. Split equally in two, Felstride is at a crossroad that either path he takes will end up with pain, "I.. love you, Miakoda." Blurt. "B-But I c-cannot.. I.. I must betray one to keep faith with another.." his voice grows pained, brows knitted, and he shakes his head. At a loss, unraveling, Felstride seems to be less of the self-confidant one he makes himself to be.
Miakoda does not step forward as he steps back, and she stands there watching him with a sad expression etching over her features. But .. He loves her? Oh, how her heart swells and leaps at the phrase, and Miakoda gently sucks in a breath as she absorbs the moment, as disheartening as it ends up being. "Oh Felstride.. Felstride, I love you too. How I've longed to hear you say this. How I've dreamt..." her words trail off now, and her head gently bows down as she turns her eyes from him. "...I understand, Felstride. You needn't speak any further. I understand. You have already chosen your female, and she lays in wait for you." Her eyes turn to the den site, though they're unable to linger for long. "My .. My desires can only be dreams. Felstride .. I can't stay. I can't stay here and long for you as I have been all this time. It ruins you, and it ruins me."
"You cannot leave," he nearly begs, retracing his backward steps with a forward bound, stepping in front of her view where the den lies, "Please." Felstride's heart pounds against his chest, and he breathes heavily in an attempt to keep what little composure he has left, "You must not," comes his last whisper, this time begging, dropping his head to look up at her through saddened and desperate eyes. Were she to leave, though the choice of his paths would return to one, the wolf knows that he could never forgive himself. He loves Storm. He loves Miakoda. One understands, the other doesn't know. Then there is a flicker of hope behind his eyes, and as he steps closer to reach out and brush his tongue by her cheek he wonders if his hopes are well founded. "I can speak with her. She may understand. I have come to love two, equally and deeply, and I do not think I can ever change that. But. If I can speak with Storm." They are untraditional, as it were. But who's to say how Storm and Miakoda will feel about one another? If. It's always if. "I cannot choose one over the other. I cannot give up on both and leave the pack to flounder. You must not leave, for it would destroy more than just myself."
As he so suddenly blocks her view, Miakoda takes in a breath and lifts both ears, eyes steadily holding his own. She cannot leave? Miraculously, the female manages a ghost of a grin. "I very well can. All I have to do is put one paw in front of the other and .. and .." And that's as far as her jest gets as she soon loses heart and that grin fades. The touch of his tongue to her cheek does help to lift her spirits some, but his next words has her heart squeezing in his chest. "Felstride, you mustn't. Oh, you mustn't!" she says, ears flattening against her head. "She wouldn't..she couldn't understand. She'd despise you and me, and you would be more miserable than you are now. Felstride.." Eyes close and she lowers her head, hoping to press her forehead against fur of his chest. "You must let me go. It's the only path to your happiness with her."
Her jest doesn't go very far with him even from the beginning because he knows what she uses her humor for, and now is not the time for pushing things aside. Despite Miakoda's abhorrence to the idea, Felstride still feels that somehow, Storm would indeed understand; she would prefer to know than to have this going on behind her back, he knows that much. As she buries herself in his neck scruff, Felstride lifts his muzzle to rest his chin delicately across her head, his nose resting behind one of her ears. He stays like that for a moment, but her last words cause him to reach out with his fore paw and press it pointedly on one of hers, "I will not let you leave, Miakoda. It would destroy me more than you could ever know. If I betray my honor and continue to keep this from Storm, then I would rather be unhappy than to risk losing you."
Miakoda keeps her muzzle and face pressed against him, finding comfort in both his nearness and the strength of his scent. Each exhale is warm and come in slow intervals, and as she speaks again a vague whimper can be heard lifting from her throat. This is bad. This will be very bad. Very slowly dose she pull her head away from him and her eyes open in order to hold his own. "If you tell her," she says slowly, "...when .. you tell her, I want to be there. I'd like to be there. But Felstride, I can't see anything good coming from this. Nothing at all but heartache." Her brows push together slightly and a frosty breath is exhaled afterward, eyes half-veiling. "I'm sorry for all of this, really I am. I know it's all my fault."
The wolf lets her stay as she wishes, though when her voice muffles through his fur and she pulls her face away, his ears tilt forward and miraculously he manages the barest of smiles. The corner of his muzzle pulls up ever so slightly, and Felstride dips his head down in response to her worry. To be honest, he was quite surprised that Miakoda would want to be present when he told Storm.. everything, but a strange feeling of content washes through him tickled with a hint of worry, "Miakoda," he whispers, taking a small step forward, "I think perhaps your worries may be unfounded. Storm is understanding, and you know this as well as I. I know she would rather be told, than to feel betrayed by the two wolves she loves most." The wolf watches her for a short time, eyes glistening with both concern and hope. Felstride takes a slow breath, his tail gently brushing the snow behind him, "It is not your fault. If any blame is to be put, blame me. But I believe that all will be well, if you will trust me..."
"I understand that," says Miakoda softly, gently lowering her head in a nod. "I hate it as much as you. She is .. or was, I'm not sure, my best friend. Though, how would you feel if your best friend told you that he was in love with your mate?" she questions with a mirthless chuckle. "That's what I fear. I fear the wrath of betrayal. But I do trust you," she confirms with a small, yet sincere smile. "And I /don't/ blame you..." She trails off now and turns an ear, quirking a brow now. "Well .. perhaps you're partially to blame. Your eyes are to blame. Or that chivalrous streak you have." Smirking slightly, she stands to touch her nose to his shoulder. "If you think all will be well, well .. all will be well." She hopes.
The wolf offers a slow and deliberate nod at Miakoda's assessment, and while he doesn't disagree with her, he doesn't wholly agree, either. "Still," he churrs deeply, letting his eyes drift shut and feeling the muscles in his face, neck, and shoulders slowly relaxing, "I know that the feelings of betrayal would be greater were we never to tell her anything." Felstride's ears flick once before he opens his eyes, now brighter.. less dull, letting them fall on Miakoda as she presses her nose to his shoulder. He takes another breath, turning to face the den site with a look of hopeful determination, "Yes, I do think that we shall all be well. Perhaps not at first, it may take time... but I think.. I think all will be well."
She isn't to sure whee some of the pack has gone off to but she's sure there around somewhere or another. Storm is making her way through the snow covered ground a half yawn escaping the alpha as she's done with patrol of the lands near the mountains. At least there isn't any pack trying to kill them there..yet. Her ears perk knowing the caught a voice an the the fresh scents of Fel and Mia so she trods onward until she catches sight of the pair an smiles. "Evening you two." The alpha calls out, tail swaying about as she's glad to see them.. If she only knew what they'd been talking about now an then so many days before.
Miakoda looks briefly to the den site, but her attention soon returns to Felstride again and her expression softens. Tail swishing once, she lightly nuzzles at his shoulder before taking a backward step, and it's a lucky thing that she's done so just when she did for it's not very long after that another wolf arrives on the scene. Speak of the devil. Miakoda's ears quickly lift at the familiar sound of Storm's voice, and she takes a few more sudden steps away from Felstride. A reflexive thing. She was caught off guard! "..Evening, Storm," she says with a light smile to the alpha before her eyes dance to Felstride.
Off guard, indeed. Felstride returns the nuzzle with a light smile, but at Storm's sudden voice his ears twist to one side as his eyes and muzzle follow, that smile widening in reflex. Despite all the conflicts in his mind these past few days, he cannot deny that he loves Storm greatly and is happy in her presence. Of course, his thoughts are a little less happy, but that doesn't stop him from rising slightly, twitching his tail at Miakoda before pacing forward a few steps to greet Storm. He nuzzles her warmly, "Hello, Storm," he churrs softly, easing himself back in his haunches, glancing briefly back at Miakoda. Hmm. There is silence for a moment, as he wonders how to approach this, but decides that instead of making Storm ask them, he will take the brave step, "We were.. speaking of many things. Important to us, and the pack."
Storm tilts her head as she peers at the two curiously, not that she thinks anything of them nuzzling. She murrs softly an nuzzles Felstride back. "Oh?" She questions while settling down next to him an half leans against his side. "So what have you two been talking about?" This shall be interesting..
Aw. Is it really her turn to say something? Miakoda stands where she is, slightly distanced from the two and somewhat at a loss as to how to handle this. It isn't often that she finds herself lacking anything to say, and though she has much to say ... it's not anything easily spoken. Ears faintly flick back and his eyes turn from one alpha to the other, lingering on Felstride longer than Storm. "Mmm.." she says thoughtfully, looking at Storm now. Her brows furrow faintly and nothing else is heard after that. She gives a look to Felstride, one that reads 'Sorry I'm a chicken but didn't we agree that it'd be /you/ that talks to her?' .. Right!
Feel free to volunteer any time now, Mia'! Of course, he watches her for a moment, giving a gentle flick of his ear as if to tell her that everything was alright, before his gaze flutters down to Storm. He lifts one of his paws and presses it firmly against one of hers for a lingering second, before returning it to the snow. The wolf takes a long and deep breath, letting his eyes close a moment before opening them with a new courage that came from deep within. "I.." he pauses, closing his muzzle in an attempt to gather himself and try again. "I love you very much, Storm. I have come to love this small family that you and I have worked hard to knit. I.. have come to see everyone as family; Bodhi a brother, SilentPaws a son. And," again he stops, lifting his eyes to Miakoda, "I have come to see Miakoda.. as I have of you. I have struggled with these feelings for some time, but I knew I could never feel right until I told you. I do not want to betray you, Storm, because I love you. I do. Now, I am unsure of where to go, for I fear that my poor decisions might lead to unnecessary pain." Breath. There. He has left Miakoda's feelings out, for now, and with a gulp, returns his worried eyes down to his alphess.
Storm glances to Mia some, she's not surprised by her lack of not talking, she's gotten use to it after all. It still bothers her to say the least, more in a hurt way then anger though. She glances back to Felstride smiling.. at first anyway, but as Felstride talks on the smile turns to a frown an she just watches him unsure her maw opens some but she's not sure what to say.. Is he leaving her for Mia?... She's confused to say the least an glances to Miakoda slightly, ears lowering before she looks back to Felstride. The alpha say nothing for a moment, maw twitches an head lowering some. "I don't understand.." She lifts her gaze to Felstride once more. "What are you planning on doing then?..You sound as if you plan on leaving me." Well its a truthful thought after being told something like that.
Hmm, what is it that she should be doing? Standing there? Well, Miakoda's doing a fine job of that at the moment! but maybe she should be pacing. Or moving. Breathing might be nice! She's apparently forgotten how to do such as Felstride begins to speak, and her breath is held as she looks to Storm for reaction. Ears flatten briefly as the other female speaks, and her head lowers just slightly as she exhales. "It isn't that at all," she says with faintly furrowed brows. "You know Felstride, and one would have to be blind to not see how crazy he is about you." A glance to the wolf brings with it a smile smirk, though her attention soon returns to Storm. Unfortunately, words again fail her, and instead of speaking, she settles onto her haunches with her head lifted, giving Felstride room to speak.
"No," comes Felstride's almost immediately, vehement response, shaking his head as he stands to face Storm, "I would never do such a thing as leave you." Miakoda's words are echoed with another nod, and the wolf worriedly paces back and forth once or twice before stopping and returning his gaze to Storm. His eyes are a mixture of worry, sadness, and love, and his maw struggles to open as he continues; somewhere inside, his heart is tearing in two with anxiety. "But I am afraid that you will think ill of me, for caring for Miakoda so much as I do for you. I.." he stops again, plunking his hindquarters down in the snow and glancing at both wolves in front of him. His ears twitch before he whispers into the cold breeze, "I love you both greatly, but I am afraid that such a wonderful thing as love will tear our family apart. I will leave neither of you. I will not leave this pack to fend for itself. But Storm, I needed to tell you because you needed to know. To keep it from you would be dishonorable and unfaithful, though I still do not know what I can do for you both. Am I supposed to neatly divide my emotions between two? I could not. Am I supposed to choose one or another? I.. I have proven that in my weakness.. I cannot."
Storm ear flicks to Miakoda while her gaze just rests upon Felstride watching him quietly, alright fear of him leaving gone.. Now fear of wondering why the heck he didn't tell her in the first place is there. "Felstride.. If you felt this way why didn't you just tell me to start with? I can't believe you just had this feeling over night." She offers with a soft tone while she glances over to Miakoda watching her a few moments. "You feel the same as Felstride.. IS this why you treated me like you did the past days making me think I wronged you some how?" When it was really the other way around.. The one wolf she considered her sister here falling for the one wolf she's ever loved. If she's mad at anyone she could be mad at Miakoda over this.
Miakoda glances over to Storm with a look that's a sad mixture of both guilt and sorrow, and yet, somewhere within that mix is the faintest glimmer of glee. As she's spoken to, her ears lift and she gently exhales a sigh. "I'm sorry, Storm. The way I treated you was wrong, and I realize that. But ... have you ever been so consumed by jealousy that all you wanted to do was make that wolf feel as miserable as you did? ... Perhaps not. That is my own weakness, I've realized. I'm vengeful. I'm envious." She smirks a little, though that look too is tainted with guilt. "And I'm sorry. I truly am very sorry, and I can only hope that someday you will forgive for all of this. I'm not so idealistic to think that it will come quickly, but I also have patience and I'll wait as long as it takes and work as hard as I need to to gain your friendship and trust again."
"We were afraid," is all the poor male can manage, his ears drooping back against his skull as Storm's focus turns to Miakoda. He had hoped to perhaps take the blame, leaving Miakoda out of it to help keep thing together, but a part of him realizes that the truth.. and apologies.. were best to come out now. His attention shifts to the beta as well, letting go of a breath he didn't realize he had held as she speaks with the wisdom of a calm mind. He gives her a gentle bob of his head, and as he does so he lowers his until he now looks up at Storm with apologetic eyes, "I am very, truly sorry, my Lady Storm. If I hurt you, it was not my intention. I still love you. I always will." Felstride gives the slightest nods before letting his eyes drift shut. He can only imagine what Storm will do, but a weight has been lifted from his heart now that everything has been said. A new worry arises, wondering if the alpha will ever trust him again, but whether or not she chooses to, Felstride will be their for the her, Miakoda, and the pack regardless.
"You've known me a long time Miakoda.. Have I ever wished that on anyone? Even the ones that treated me so poorly when I was growing up.. Perhaps that is my weakness then." Storm offers softly an looks away from the two, her maw twitching. "I treated you like my sister Miakoda, I would have done anything for you an it seems you would not have done the same for me." She's hurt, more from Miakoda's actions then Felstride's. "Then perhaps you don't know me that well either Felstride.. An that is what hurts me the most, the fact that neither of you felt that you could trust me, that neither of you could come an speak to me." The alpha bites her lip as she watches Felstride and lowers her head to press it against Felstride's, a soft sigh escapes her. "I love you Felstride.. Suppose I feel for you when I first saw you, nothing is going to change how I feel about you my dear wolf." The alpha slowly slips to her paws an starts to pad away from the two. Her mind full of everything, even more then what was said. The alpha slowly slips to her paws an starts to pad away from the two. Her mind full of everything, even more then what was said. So much has happened since she started this pack that she truly wonders if she was ever to suppose to be alpha.
"Storm..." Miakoda frowns as she watches the other female, ears pressed against her skull. "Storm, c'mon. This isn't something that we could just .. That I just ... blurt out to you. How do you think I feel about all of this? How I felt trying to keep myself form feeling anything.." Another exhale, and she stands, watching after the departing wolfess with a lost look on her face. Eyes now trail to Felstride, but she hangs back, apparently expecting him to follow after her while she has little desire to do so herself.
But he will not follow, for a part of him knows that Storm will need to think and for something as injured as trust... it might take her some time. A little time alone before things will return to normal. The wolf issues a pained whine, though he bites his tongue to keep it back the best he can as Storm draws away from their nuzzle and moves silently away. With a creased brow and saddened eyes, the alpha remains seated in the cold snow, one ear pointed Storm's way as she disappears into the woods, the other listening to Miakoda. He lifts a paw, shaking it slightly as if to suggest to let it all simmer down.. that it was alright. Part of him wanted to believe that. When her figure is gone, vanished among the night and the trees he lifts his head to the silent and starry night to issue a strong and carrying howl. One that rushes into the air, full of strength and determination, saying, "I am here. I am strong." There is no sadness in his voice, no weakness, a message to all that he is still Felstride. When the time comes, he will still be there.
Storm moves off through the forest heading off until she hears the howl. She pauses an lifts her head listening, thinking.. Soon a howl escapes the alpha female, not one for help or calling anyone but one to prove she's still there. No she's not going anywhere, she just needs to think. With that done the she-wolf moves off heading toward the mountains to settle down in some place with cover it seems.