Post by Therdde on May 29, 2008 2:36:47 GMT -5
Characters:
Maulisho – Female Cougar
Kein – Male Juvenile Cougar
- Sweeping Steppe -
It isn't much of a wait for Kein to finish eating Mateka; as the cub finishes, Maulisho moves out from her place of observation and slowly pads toward her firstborn. She doesn't speak at first, wanting Kein to notice her before she says anything. There will be plenty of conversation to follow, as Maulisho has a lot she wants to tell him... but for the moment, she's content to let Kein enjoy his small victory over the mouse.
Immediately after finishing off the mouse, Kein spends a moment just cleaning his face and paws. During this time, the hunger subsides, and he takes a deep breath. That is when he finally hears someone approaching him from behind. He turns around, not quite alarmed, but even the slight hint of concern in his posture fades when he spots his mother. "Good morning, Mom." He doesn't realize he was being watched, and he feels better, both physically and emotionally, since killing that mouse.
"Hello there, Kein." Maulisho continues forward until she can sit down right next to her son. "How was your hunt?" Maulisho headtilts slightly, gazing at where Mateka had formerly been trapped against the ground. "Rather well, I take it?" She may or may not tell him she'd been watching; she hasn't completely decided how to steer this conversation yet.
Kein was not terribly quiet during the altercation with Mateka. At a couple points, he was actually yelling. It doesn't surprise him, now, that he drew someone's attention... But Mom could have easily just now arrived. It would be pretty easy to tell he managed to catch and eat something. Slowly, Kein nods, and leans against his mother. "I'm sorry he was too little to share." The rest of his family has to be just as hungry as he was, but Kein isn't really large enough, yet, to be much of a provider.
Now that's more like the Kein of old -- always concerned about the needs of others. Maulisho is glad to see at least a glimpse of that returning, instead of the boy's recent gloomy and self-absorbed self. "That's okay... I'm not too terribly hungry. Besides, somehow I have a feeling that you wanted this particular mouse all to yourself." A crooked smile quirks at one corner of the cougaress' muzzle, and her eyes take on an understanding look.
Kein has a harder time responding, now. A part of him is still worried that, given his motives, singling out this mouse might have been bad. Mom seems to be understanding, though, and given what she said, she probably knows who the mouse was... Which means she probably heard more than a little bit of what he said. With a deep breath, he says, "I did... And I'm glad he's gone." And if his tone is any indication, he's not sure he /should/ be glad.
Maulisho is quiet for a moment, looking her son over, then asks something she's not sure how to say in anything but plain and simple words: "Why did you kill him, Kein? Was it for his meat, or was there another reason?" She's pretty sure she already knows the answer, but she does want to hear from Kein his reasons behind it.
Kein looks down at the ground as Mom asks that question. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, but his answer is honest when he speaks. "There was another reason... But I wouldn't'a killed him if I wasn't hungry, Mom. I promise." He would have just gotten into another long, drawn out conversation while debating if his anger was really sufficient reason to kill someone, and he would have wound up letting the mouse go, just like last time. Or so he tells himself.
Nodding, Maulisho leans down to give her son a nuzzle. "I know you wouldn't have. Don't worry about that. Tell me though... what other reason did you have? What was it about this particular mouse?" Idly she wonders if he's still hungry and whether she'll need to find him something else to eat after this conversation. One mouse is, after all, just a single mouse.
Kein hasn't wanted to talk to his mom because he didn't want to burden her further... But now that he's not as upset anymore... Maybe it'll be okay. Nuzzling back at his mom, he says, quietly, "If not for him, we'd still be home, and... And Nayeli wouldn't have laughed at me, and... You wouldn't have gotten hurt." Kein is actually rather cautious about shifting responsibility away from himself, which is why Nayeli laughing at him gets attributed to Mateka, but him insulting Nayeli doesn't, not specifically or out loud.
Maulisho is careful to listen without immediately trying to correct or contradict Kein's story or explanation. Once he finishes, though... "The mouse isn't responsible for why we had to leave home, Kein. That..." Maulisho sighs. "That is something entirely different, something between Chesmu and myself." She can understand why he might think that his little dispute with Nayeli might have contributed to their flight, but in reality it had nothing to do with it. Maulisho's going to speak to Chesmu could have been over anything, and his desire for her certainly wasn't limited to just that one conversational encounter.
"But... You didn't stay with me. You left, and you got hurt... And that's my fault. Mine and his." Maybe if she would have just stayed, Chesmu would have never gotten a chance to hurt her, or they would have had more time to realize that the chief really was bad, if for different reasons, or something. Kein closes his eyes and presses against his mom as tears sting at his eyes. Not much frightens the young cougar, but the idea of his family getting hurt has always been one of those things.
"I had to talk to Chesmu anyway, so don't feel like you were the one responsible. What's done is done, and nothing can change that. Chesmu is... well... it would have happened either way." Maulisho looks thoughtful for a moment, then adds, "One reason I suspect he became leader is because he's... persistent. Stubborn. Good traits for a leader if properly used."
Just because what's done is done doesn't mean Kein won't feel some amount of responsibility. Even when his mom tells him not to. It's not that easy to get rid of. "I don't wanna be like Chesmu, Mom." But he suspects he already is. He has had his moments of being stubborn, and yelling, and he hurt Nayeli. A lot. Enough to make her run away, just like Mom ran away.
Aha. She suspected that might be something on Kein's mind but it is definitely good to hear him confirm it. Thankfully Maulisho has had plenty of time to think of a response. "Kein, I'm going to ask you two simple questions. It may not completely alleviate your fears, but I think it'll help." They are more rhetorical in nature than investigative, but they do serve a purpose.
More often than not, when she warns him that she is about to ask him questions, they aren't very easy questions to answer. She never warns him that she's going to ask him a question and then asks him what color the sky is, or how many siblings he has. "Okay." He can't even begin to guess what she's going to ask, because he can't imagine what kind of questions could make him feel better. Of course, Mom is much smarter than he is, so he doesn't doubt that those questions exist.
Question number one: "Who is responsible for Chesmu's actions and decisions? For that matter, his words as well." Kein obviously knows the answer so Maulisho continues with question number two. "The follow-up question is just as easy: who is responsible for Kein's actions, decisions, and words?" Maybe it isn't as simple as it might sound, but Maulisho is trying to make a point.
"He is, and I am... But..." No. He has done so well about not blaming his circumstances for his actions, and he's not about to start now. "I'm just... afraid... that I won't really get better." Kein, openly admitting to being afraid of something, without being prompted? That has to be a first. "I'm still going to try, though. I promise." He just has to think before he does something or opens his mouth, which might not be difficult, in principle... But he hasn't had the greatest success with it, so far.
Maulisho lowers herself down to the ground alongside of Kein, looking off into the distance. "After my terrible experiences with the cougar that killed my sister, then Azriel, then Velefar, and even with LaVeaux, I've sometimes had difficulty believing that it was their choices that made them who they are, rather than the fact that it's just how male cougars normally are." Maulisho glances over at Kein with a small smile. "It took Kasim to show me that cougars /can/ make right decisions and be good and honorable and all that."
Kein has to wonder if it's as hard for Kasim and it seems to be for him. And what about Pelutho? Pel has never hurt anyone, never said anything mean. Is it hard for him to be that way? Because it /does/ seem to make more sense that this is just natural for male cougars. Kein certainly didn't /want/ to hurt his friend, or his family. But if that's true, if Kasim and Pel are really just the same, but better at hiding it... Then Kein can too, right? "I'm gonna try to be like Kasim, Mom." Right now, the only thing Kein is worried about is not upsetting his mom or anyone else. He doesn't understand how being that laid back could potentially cripple a cougar's ability to protect his family, not yet.
Maulisho is quick to shake her head. "Kein, you are going to grow up into an adult that is entirely shaped by your own decisions. You can try to be like Kasim, or anyone else, but ultimately you are still /you/. Don't try so hard to be like someone else that you forget that you are a unique cougar." Her tail twitches as she thinks of how often she's had to remind herself not to worry if she wasn't exactly like her own mother.
And if who he is, as a unique cougar, is someone like Chesmu, or one of the others she listed? No. She might still love him. She probably would. But he's not going to be that way, not if he can help it. All the same, he nods blankly and nuzzles against her side. Maybe it is enough to determine who he is /not/ going to be like, rather than trying to be /like/ someone. Then he can do what Mom wants and still do what he wants.
The cougaress drapes a paw over Kein's back, nuzzling him back. "I will always do what I can to help you grow up into the cougar you want to become, and I hope you never forget this." She lets out a deep breath, thinking.
Kein curls up a little beside his mom. Even when he doesn't particularly need comforted, some part of being just like this is always comforting. "I know you will. I just wanna be the cougar /you/ want me to become, too." He wants to make his mother proud and happy, at least as much as he wants anything else. That's why he suggested he should be like Kasim. She didn't go for that, and he hopes he can find his own unique personality and still be someone who makes her proud.
"You will, Kein. You will." How does he become like Kasim and not like Chesmu? By forgiving Nayeli, for starters. Learning forgiveness instead of bitterness is a huge lesson, and one that Maulisho can definitely attest to the importance of. Azriel... Maulisho looks away, deep in thought. There are still nights where she dreams of all the pain he caused her, and how much she would love to tear his throat out, should she get the opportunity.
If Kein knew who Azriel is... He'd probably desire much the same thing. All in all, it's a good thing he doesn't know who his biological father is, because he /might/ be foolish enough to try, should they ever meet, regardless of how young he is. With a deep, relaxed breath, he says, "I really love you, Mommy." No matter that they've been taken away from home, and even from Nayeli. He still plans to fix that. But no matter what his mom does, he will always love her.
Muzzle moving over to rest on the ground next to Kein, Maulisho smiles and says softly, "I've loved you ever since you were born, Kein, and nothing you have ever done has changed that in the slightest. When you and Nayeli... well... when that happened, I felt awful for you both, but I know that you'll figure out a way to win her friendship back." She smiles, remembering an arboreal conversation not that long ago. "She's waiting for you, y'know."
Kein can't tell his mom what he promised Chandani he'd do, or she'll be upset and tell him not to go. Of course, the very fact that he knows that means he shouldn't be planning to do it, but... He can't imagine just leaving Nayeli and Chandani there. "How long do you think it's gonna be 'til we go back?" He asks because, as far as Mom knows, Nayeli is probably going to be waiting a long time... If she even really waits that long.
"I don't know... I really don't know." She'll have to decide what next course of action to take once they've met up with Lark's pack. "I know you want to see Nayeli again, but... all I can say is that you'll have to be patient." Maulisho doesn't state her reasons for why she thinks Kein wants to see Nayeli again, but she /has/ mentioned forgiveness already, so it doesn't take too much to connect the dots.
"And hope that she'll be patient too." Kein's not sure exactly how long he would wait around for an apology if he felt someone owed him one. He wanted to apologize to Nayeli as quickly as possible. That won't happen, but maybe when Chandani passes on what he said, she'll know why he didn't go apologize sooner, so it'll all be all right. Besides, they've only been travelling for about a day and a half, now. If they get to Mom's friends soon... Then he can hopefully be back soon enough that it won't matter.
The cougaress purrs softly. "I wouldn't be too concerned with her being patient. I'd imagine that she's just waiting right now for the day when she'll see you again and everything will be restored, friendship and all." And who knows? Maybe by that day the two of them will be a good bit older and it might become more than just a friendship? "I'm glad that you're concerned enough for her, but don't let it cause you too much anxiety over it."
Just a couple days ago, Mom wasn't even sure that Nayeli would forgive him. Now Mom thinks Nayeli is just waiting for him to go there? It's a nice thing to believe, anyway, and Kein nods, even giving his mom a slight smile. "I'll be happy to have my friend back."
"As will I." Maulisho lets out a happy purr and relaxes for a nice rest, unless her son has anything else on his mind he might want to talk about.
Kein is more than content to rest beside his mother for a little while, now that he has eaten something. The trip is still wearing on him slightly, and he's not as restless as he usually is, but he is a good deal happier. For the time being, until Mom decides they have to get going, he just closes his eyes and listens to her purring.
Maulisho – Female Cougar
Kein – Male Juvenile Cougar
- Sweeping Steppe -
It isn't much of a wait for Kein to finish eating Mateka; as the cub finishes, Maulisho moves out from her place of observation and slowly pads toward her firstborn. She doesn't speak at first, wanting Kein to notice her before she says anything. There will be plenty of conversation to follow, as Maulisho has a lot she wants to tell him... but for the moment, she's content to let Kein enjoy his small victory over the mouse.
Immediately after finishing off the mouse, Kein spends a moment just cleaning his face and paws. During this time, the hunger subsides, and he takes a deep breath. That is when he finally hears someone approaching him from behind. He turns around, not quite alarmed, but even the slight hint of concern in his posture fades when he spots his mother. "Good morning, Mom." He doesn't realize he was being watched, and he feels better, both physically and emotionally, since killing that mouse.
"Hello there, Kein." Maulisho continues forward until she can sit down right next to her son. "How was your hunt?" Maulisho headtilts slightly, gazing at where Mateka had formerly been trapped against the ground. "Rather well, I take it?" She may or may not tell him she'd been watching; she hasn't completely decided how to steer this conversation yet.
Kein was not terribly quiet during the altercation with Mateka. At a couple points, he was actually yelling. It doesn't surprise him, now, that he drew someone's attention... But Mom could have easily just now arrived. It would be pretty easy to tell he managed to catch and eat something. Slowly, Kein nods, and leans against his mother. "I'm sorry he was too little to share." The rest of his family has to be just as hungry as he was, but Kein isn't really large enough, yet, to be much of a provider.
Now that's more like the Kein of old -- always concerned about the needs of others. Maulisho is glad to see at least a glimpse of that returning, instead of the boy's recent gloomy and self-absorbed self. "That's okay... I'm not too terribly hungry. Besides, somehow I have a feeling that you wanted this particular mouse all to yourself." A crooked smile quirks at one corner of the cougaress' muzzle, and her eyes take on an understanding look.
Kein has a harder time responding, now. A part of him is still worried that, given his motives, singling out this mouse might have been bad. Mom seems to be understanding, though, and given what she said, she probably knows who the mouse was... Which means she probably heard more than a little bit of what he said. With a deep breath, he says, "I did... And I'm glad he's gone." And if his tone is any indication, he's not sure he /should/ be glad.
Maulisho is quiet for a moment, looking her son over, then asks something she's not sure how to say in anything but plain and simple words: "Why did you kill him, Kein? Was it for his meat, or was there another reason?" She's pretty sure she already knows the answer, but she does want to hear from Kein his reasons behind it.
Kein looks down at the ground as Mom asks that question. It takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, but his answer is honest when he speaks. "There was another reason... But I wouldn't'a killed him if I wasn't hungry, Mom. I promise." He would have just gotten into another long, drawn out conversation while debating if his anger was really sufficient reason to kill someone, and he would have wound up letting the mouse go, just like last time. Or so he tells himself.
Nodding, Maulisho leans down to give her son a nuzzle. "I know you wouldn't have. Don't worry about that. Tell me though... what other reason did you have? What was it about this particular mouse?" Idly she wonders if he's still hungry and whether she'll need to find him something else to eat after this conversation. One mouse is, after all, just a single mouse.
Kein hasn't wanted to talk to his mom because he didn't want to burden her further... But now that he's not as upset anymore... Maybe it'll be okay. Nuzzling back at his mom, he says, quietly, "If not for him, we'd still be home, and... And Nayeli wouldn't have laughed at me, and... You wouldn't have gotten hurt." Kein is actually rather cautious about shifting responsibility away from himself, which is why Nayeli laughing at him gets attributed to Mateka, but him insulting Nayeli doesn't, not specifically or out loud.
Maulisho is careful to listen without immediately trying to correct or contradict Kein's story or explanation. Once he finishes, though... "The mouse isn't responsible for why we had to leave home, Kein. That..." Maulisho sighs. "That is something entirely different, something between Chesmu and myself." She can understand why he might think that his little dispute with Nayeli might have contributed to their flight, but in reality it had nothing to do with it. Maulisho's going to speak to Chesmu could have been over anything, and his desire for her certainly wasn't limited to just that one conversational encounter.
"But... You didn't stay with me. You left, and you got hurt... And that's my fault. Mine and his." Maybe if she would have just stayed, Chesmu would have never gotten a chance to hurt her, or they would have had more time to realize that the chief really was bad, if for different reasons, or something. Kein closes his eyes and presses against his mom as tears sting at his eyes. Not much frightens the young cougar, but the idea of his family getting hurt has always been one of those things.
"I had to talk to Chesmu anyway, so don't feel like you were the one responsible. What's done is done, and nothing can change that. Chesmu is... well... it would have happened either way." Maulisho looks thoughtful for a moment, then adds, "One reason I suspect he became leader is because he's... persistent. Stubborn. Good traits for a leader if properly used."
Just because what's done is done doesn't mean Kein won't feel some amount of responsibility. Even when his mom tells him not to. It's not that easy to get rid of. "I don't wanna be like Chesmu, Mom." But he suspects he already is. He has had his moments of being stubborn, and yelling, and he hurt Nayeli. A lot. Enough to make her run away, just like Mom ran away.
Aha. She suspected that might be something on Kein's mind but it is definitely good to hear him confirm it. Thankfully Maulisho has had plenty of time to think of a response. "Kein, I'm going to ask you two simple questions. It may not completely alleviate your fears, but I think it'll help." They are more rhetorical in nature than investigative, but they do serve a purpose.
More often than not, when she warns him that she is about to ask him questions, they aren't very easy questions to answer. She never warns him that she's going to ask him a question and then asks him what color the sky is, or how many siblings he has. "Okay." He can't even begin to guess what she's going to ask, because he can't imagine what kind of questions could make him feel better. Of course, Mom is much smarter than he is, so he doesn't doubt that those questions exist.
Question number one: "Who is responsible for Chesmu's actions and decisions? For that matter, his words as well." Kein obviously knows the answer so Maulisho continues with question number two. "The follow-up question is just as easy: who is responsible for Kein's actions, decisions, and words?" Maybe it isn't as simple as it might sound, but Maulisho is trying to make a point.
"He is, and I am... But..." No. He has done so well about not blaming his circumstances for his actions, and he's not about to start now. "I'm just... afraid... that I won't really get better." Kein, openly admitting to being afraid of something, without being prompted? That has to be a first. "I'm still going to try, though. I promise." He just has to think before he does something or opens his mouth, which might not be difficult, in principle... But he hasn't had the greatest success with it, so far.
Maulisho lowers herself down to the ground alongside of Kein, looking off into the distance. "After my terrible experiences with the cougar that killed my sister, then Azriel, then Velefar, and even with LaVeaux, I've sometimes had difficulty believing that it was their choices that made them who they are, rather than the fact that it's just how male cougars normally are." Maulisho glances over at Kein with a small smile. "It took Kasim to show me that cougars /can/ make right decisions and be good and honorable and all that."
Kein has to wonder if it's as hard for Kasim and it seems to be for him. And what about Pelutho? Pel has never hurt anyone, never said anything mean. Is it hard for him to be that way? Because it /does/ seem to make more sense that this is just natural for male cougars. Kein certainly didn't /want/ to hurt his friend, or his family. But if that's true, if Kasim and Pel are really just the same, but better at hiding it... Then Kein can too, right? "I'm gonna try to be like Kasim, Mom." Right now, the only thing Kein is worried about is not upsetting his mom or anyone else. He doesn't understand how being that laid back could potentially cripple a cougar's ability to protect his family, not yet.
Maulisho is quick to shake her head. "Kein, you are going to grow up into an adult that is entirely shaped by your own decisions. You can try to be like Kasim, or anyone else, but ultimately you are still /you/. Don't try so hard to be like someone else that you forget that you are a unique cougar." Her tail twitches as she thinks of how often she's had to remind herself not to worry if she wasn't exactly like her own mother.
And if who he is, as a unique cougar, is someone like Chesmu, or one of the others she listed? No. She might still love him. She probably would. But he's not going to be that way, not if he can help it. All the same, he nods blankly and nuzzles against her side. Maybe it is enough to determine who he is /not/ going to be like, rather than trying to be /like/ someone. Then he can do what Mom wants and still do what he wants.
The cougaress drapes a paw over Kein's back, nuzzling him back. "I will always do what I can to help you grow up into the cougar you want to become, and I hope you never forget this." She lets out a deep breath, thinking.
Kein curls up a little beside his mom. Even when he doesn't particularly need comforted, some part of being just like this is always comforting. "I know you will. I just wanna be the cougar /you/ want me to become, too." He wants to make his mother proud and happy, at least as much as he wants anything else. That's why he suggested he should be like Kasim. She didn't go for that, and he hopes he can find his own unique personality and still be someone who makes her proud.
"You will, Kein. You will." How does he become like Kasim and not like Chesmu? By forgiving Nayeli, for starters. Learning forgiveness instead of bitterness is a huge lesson, and one that Maulisho can definitely attest to the importance of. Azriel... Maulisho looks away, deep in thought. There are still nights where she dreams of all the pain he caused her, and how much she would love to tear his throat out, should she get the opportunity.
If Kein knew who Azriel is... He'd probably desire much the same thing. All in all, it's a good thing he doesn't know who his biological father is, because he /might/ be foolish enough to try, should they ever meet, regardless of how young he is. With a deep, relaxed breath, he says, "I really love you, Mommy." No matter that they've been taken away from home, and even from Nayeli. He still plans to fix that. But no matter what his mom does, he will always love her.
Muzzle moving over to rest on the ground next to Kein, Maulisho smiles and says softly, "I've loved you ever since you were born, Kein, and nothing you have ever done has changed that in the slightest. When you and Nayeli... well... when that happened, I felt awful for you both, but I know that you'll figure out a way to win her friendship back." She smiles, remembering an arboreal conversation not that long ago. "She's waiting for you, y'know."
Kein can't tell his mom what he promised Chandani he'd do, or she'll be upset and tell him not to go. Of course, the very fact that he knows that means he shouldn't be planning to do it, but... He can't imagine just leaving Nayeli and Chandani there. "How long do you think it's gonna be 'til we go back?" He asks because, as far as Mom knows, Nayeli is probably going to be waiting a long time... If she even really waits that long.
"I don't know... I really don't know." She'll have to decide what next course of action to take once they've met up with Lark's pack. "I know you want to see Nayeli again, but... all I can say is that you'll have to be patient." Maulisho doesn't state her reasons for why she thinks Kein wants to see Nayeli again, but she /has/ mentioned forgiveness already, so it doesn't take too much to connect the dots.
"And hope that she'll be patient too." Kein's not sure exactly how long he would wait around for an apology if he felt someone owed him one. He wanted to apologize to Nayeli as quickly as possible. That won't happen, but maybe when Chandani passes on what he said, she'll know why he didn't go apologize sooner, so it'll all be all right. Besides, they've only been travelling for about a day and a half, now. If they get to Mom's friends soon... Then he can hopefully be back soon enough that it won't matter.
The cougaress purrs softly. "I wouldn't be too concerned with her being patient. I'd imagine that she's just waiting right now for the day when she'll see you again and everything will be restored, friendship and all." And who knows? Maybe by that day the two of them will be a good bit older and it might become more than just a friendship? "I'm glad that you're concerned enough for her, but don't let it cause you too much anxiety over it."
Just a couple days ago, Mom wasn't even sure that Nayeli would forgive him. Now Mom thinks Nayeli is just waiting for him to go there? It's a nice thing to believe, anyway, and Kein nods, even giving his mom a slight smile. "I'll be happy to have my friend back."
"As will I." Maulisho lets out a happy purr and relaxes for a nice rest, unless her son has anything else on his mind he might want to talk about.
Kein is more than content to rest beside his mother for a little while, now that he has eaten something. The trip is still wearing on him slightly, and he's not as restless as he usually is, but he is a good deal happier. For the time being, until Mom decides they have to get going, he just closes his eyes and listens to her purring.