Post by Therdde on Apr 13, 2009 20:06:49 GMT -5
Characters:
Skelaghe - Female Wolf
Teketa - Male Wolf
- Wind-Blown Lowlands -
The sun is only starting to rise. Though it has not yet even started to combat the chill in the air, Skelaghe has woken up and made her way away from where she was sleeping beside her mate, as she does most mornings. She generally spends an hour on her own, and these trips she takes do not net any prey or knowledge about the surrounding animals when she returns. They are simply for her own benefit, her own emotional health. Today, when she settles down out of sight of Helaku, she is silent, at least to begin with, simply watching as the light rises over the horizon.
The last few days have found Teketa in a place where sleep has been difficult and uneasy. Each day, he awakens before the sun, feeling as if he had never even closed his eyes. Sleep almost seems like a hopeless mirage, something he's always chasing in the distance. But he must be getting some - he would probably feel significantly worse if he wasn't. This morning is no exception, and he's awake long before the others. He takes that time to wander away, to ponder and observe. He may not be a particularly pack-oriented wolf, but he understands the importance of checking the surroundings and making sure everything remains safe. They may not really be a pack right now. But he'll make sure they remain safe nonetheless. He's returning from this casual patrol just as the sun begins to rise, and he takes a few seconds to stop and admire its light. It's getting to a point where little warmth is offered by the sun. But the sunrise is still bright and beautiful, at least. Usually he would stay away and admire it longer. But he's returning early today, and so it is that, after admiring the sun, the black wolf glimpses something he wouldn't have seen most other days: Skelaghe, alone. She's alone, and doesn't appear to have noticed him yet... Teketa hesitates a moment before stopping and choosing to remain at a distance.
If there is one particularly cautious member of their group, it is not Skelaghe. Even after being chased from her home by violent cougars, she is not as cautious as she could be. Teketa remains unnoticed by Skelaghe, and after a while of watching the slow rise, Skelaghe starts speaking, apparently to no one. "I ask only the strength to help see my friends and mate through this winter, to remain healthy that I may be a good mother, physically and emotionally, to my pups." Some days, she has different requests. Not all days does she verbalize them. Today, though, this part of her morning ritual, picturing what she wanted in her mind and then voicing it, seemed important.
It would be easy for Teketa to turn and walk away, unseen, and evidently unheard. He's nearly prepared to do so when her notices the movement of her lips, and he fancies he can hear her words, though distant they are. Now he's curious. What is she doing? He knew she could act rashly, but he had always seen her as a mentally stable creature... so he approaches quietly, making no attempt to hide himself, nor make undue noise. His eyes are filled with traces of concern, for the idea that something might be wrong with Skelaghe would be among his more prominent fears right now. Once he's close enough - or at least he thinks so - he stops and lifts his head, his eyes questioning though he doesn't speak right away. Are you all right? But now he's nearer, she seems fine... and this leaves him to puzzle over her unusual behavior.
Skelaghe is mentally stable. She is not a stranger to being viewed strangely for her beliefs, though. Beliefs that were common in her former pack, when the Ute was strong. She is also still alert enough. She may not have noticed Teketa off in the distance, but as he approaches, her ears twitch in his direction and, slowly, she pulls her focus in from the sunrise to the black wolf that stands, now, not terribly far away. Pulling herself to her feet with a wagging tail, apparently not upset by this interuption, she greets him. "Good morning, Teketa."
When she greets Teketa, he blinks a few times, wiping his face clean of any concern or confusion: evidently she's well enough to wag her tail and look somewhat pleasant. So she must be all right. He was mistake. So he steps closer - to a slightly better speaking range - before dipping his head in a silent greeting. His tail sways once or twice, but he remains fairly stoic otherwise. "May I ask what it is you were... doing?" he inquires, some of that confusion seeping into his voice before he can stop it. Teketa has never encountered any sort of religion among wolves. Or other animals, for that matter. Unless the extreme superstition of his birthpack was capable of being considered...
"Praying. Asking for help to do what we must do." Skelaghe answers plainly as she approaches Teketa. She stops before she can get too close, respecting his personal space, and sits, all the while watching him. Should she see any confusion, she might explain further, or else wait until he asks a more specific question. Either way, she seems happy to discuss this. Whatever she does alone most mornings, she apparently does not feel like she needs to keep it private, even if she does.
"Praying?" Teketa echoes her softly, his brows furrowing. Praying. He's never tried it before, personally. Never saw much of a point. Still doesn't see one. He doesn't know whether to think more or less about Skelaghe. Then again, he doesn't know enough about "religion" to really pass judgment, now does he? Or else he has "religion" confused with- well, whatever his pack was. So perhaps there's also a small sliver of disdain in his voice, despite whatever effort he might've made to keep it out of his voice. "I see," he adds afterwards. She didn't seem to mind the interruption. Still. He's not sure what to make of it. "I never realized you were..." he searches for an appropriate word and fails, merely shaking his head slowly before bring his eyes back to the she-wolf.
"I gain much benefit from my faith." Faith that there is more than this. That righteous behaviour is rewarded and wicked behaviour, punished. There is no defensiveness to her tone, though, despite the hint of disdain she caught. "I can't claim to have all the answers, Tek... But I do like to believe that I can speak with those who do, however indirectly." And she tries to do what is right at all times. There need be nothing more to it, to those who are not interested in her beliefs. She finds beauty in her spirituality, though.
Simple. Beautiful. Effective. If it makes Skelaghe what - who - she is, then he shouldn't judge it so harshly. She's a sort of wolf he's rarely found, and he shouldn't have sounded as he did. Acknowledging that mistake, he lowers his head slightly. But then, he must wonder: how can she - or anyone - be so certain there's anything out there at all? Teketa has never thought about there being anything beyond this life he's living now... a life he's nearly given up on living more than once. He looks unto the sunrise as he settles onto his haunches, his lips pulling into a small frown. "The pack where I grew up... it was their beliefs that made me what I am," he says it in such a forced, detached way... he's thinking of the past. "I've never seen good in prayer or... faith." He looks sharply at Skelaghe, but his expression softens. "You really believe there is more to this life, my lady?"
"Faith, true faith, should never bring anyone despair, Teketa." Whatever the beliefs of Teketa's former pack, they are almost certainly not mirrored in Skelaghe. "Yes. I truly believe." How could she not? Oh, there have been a few times. But something always happens to pull her back, to remind her of the beauty in this world. To prevent her from becoming like Teketa, broken and incapable of seeing beauty in anything. With hardly any pause at all, she adds, "Rest assured, though, that I do not expect my friends to share my belief." And her pups? When she has them, they will be taught everything that Skelaghe knows, but they, too, will be allowed to make their own decision.
Is that what makes her happy? It must be. "Is that so?" He murmurs, tilting his head to look at her out of the corner of his yellow-green eye. His expression is unreadable. "I have been left to wonder if they were right about me, so long ago," he turns his head so he can look at her again. He didn't expect her to "convert" him. She probably wouldn't be able to, whatever she tried. Perhaps he's not as hopeless as he seems, however. Or else he might've walked away the instant she began speaking of faith. "They were dark. But... your faith brings you peace, does it not?" And he dares a brief smile before looking into the sunrise again, his brows remaining slightly furrowed. Oh, if he could but have that peace...
"Peace and more. Joy. Warmth." All of these things, she can attribute to her faith. Skelaghe smiles as she looks at Teketa, even as he looks off to the rising sun. "For even the most troublesome of times must give way to peace eventually." Even if it is only in death, when the bothers of this natural world can trouble them no more. Skelaghe tries to keep her answers short, so that he can direct the conversation in the direction he wants it to go, but the storyteller in her cannot help but add colour to her speech.
Teketa doesn't look at her again, but listens to what she has to say even so. He's not sure how much of that he believes - or could believe. But his life has steered him in such directions and twisted his path so many times that he's never tried. It seemed hopeless. It still feels that way, quite often. When he saw Skelaghe again for the first time in months, he felt a small spark - something that might've been insignificant to other wolves - but a spark of hope that to him was like a brilliant light in all the darkness surrounding him. So he had accepted her offer, only to realize that as the feeling fades... he's left empty again, and perhaps more lost than before. Will he stay, even after the winter passes? He can't tell now. When she finishes, he looks at her again and allows a long silence. "Have you ever... doubted?"
Skelaghe keeps eye contact with Teketa as long as she can. As long as she will allow him to. When she answers, her voice is appropriately somber, and entirely honest. "Once. More often than I have doubted my beliefs, I have doubted that I held the spirits' favor." Those were the dark times in Skelaghe's life. Not her times of unfailing faith.
Teketa can't hold her gaze. His knowledge that - for now - she is his superior makes holding her gaze more uncomfortable than it used to be, when he didn't have to worry about customs and rules. So he turns his eyes the only way he can - to the sky. The sun. "Do you suppose, one can be born... against the spirits' wishes? Or lack their 'favor' for... for most of their life?" He doesn't mention himself. But even so, it's fairly obvious Teketa means himself. It is an unresolved problem for him: should he have existed in the first place? Why was he so disliked by the-powers-that-be - if those even existed - so much so that his life's path had almost always ended in tragedy of some form or another?
Skelaghe's answer comes quickly. "No." Then, however, she actually processes the rest of his quiestion, and she feels obligated to expand on that one-word answer. "No child could ever deserve my spirits' ill wishes. Not the ones who are worthy of serving, certainly. And I believe it would take many more evil acts than anyone I know would be capable of performing to ensure that no amount of restitution would put them back in the good graces of the spirits that matter. The ones who can do good, and will help others to do good." Even if he does not meet her gaze, she continues to look at him, and she ends her short speech with, "What I do believe is that an animal has to be willing to accept help in order for help to be rendered."
No? Teketa doesn't break his gaze from the pale morning sky as he listens. His brows furrow, however. "Are you so certain?" Should he question her so? He lowers his gaze, realizing the mistake he may have made. But he wants to know, and he must question things to know more, mustn't he? He sighs softly, "Your spirits must not be the same which have burdened others," his pack, himself, and perhaps even Dawn, whose life was stolen away. He finally looks at her again as she speaks her last statement, and his face is unclear. Willing to accept help, she says. Does he need to ask her spirits for help? What good would that do...?
Skelaghe does not appear upset at the questions. She's not. She may be the female alpha of their not-quite-pack, but more than that, she is Teketa's friend. "I am certain, Teketa. And, to this day, I cannot understand why some would prefer to worship those who are not kind and just, why some prefer to wallow in their own self-inflicted misery." Which doesn't include Teketa, in her eyes. He left. He is trying to live his life in a peaceful and happy manner. It may be that she is unable to help him, but she certainly believes that he deserves happiness.
He's looking at her quietly, his demeanor is somewhat calmer than it has been as she answers. She's certain, and he can see it has always been true: since he first met her... her religion - her beliefs - would explain almost everything. She speaks truth, wisdom... Teketa nods slowly. "Who can say why they made that choice. Why they believed in their foolish superstitions, their-" he can feel the memories of the past crowding in on him, and he forces himself to stop speaking for the sake of the peaceful morning. "Of course, I never had to believe them," he looks at the sky again, allowing the memories to ebb away.
Skelaghe is at a minor disadvantage. She really knows nothing more of Teketa's old pack than what she can pick from his statements. She is used to it, though. Helaku also had serious trouble before they rejoined, and she is more than prepared to allow them to mourn or share in their own way, and as their emotions allow them. She keeps her eyes on her potential packmate, but she is not staring. If anything is in her eyes, it is not pity. It is admiration. "I could not imagine anything more noble or requiring more strength than growing beyond narrow-minded companions, Tek. That you don't believe what they believed... That says more to your good that anything else could."
She calls him good, and he closes his vivid green eyes. As his fierce eyes close, there's almost a gentleness to the wolf, if not the remnants of the hurts he's gone through in the past. He told her once that she reminded him of someone. She still does sometimes. He turns his head, his eyes still closed, and when he opens them, there's more emotion present than there has been in a good, long while. "Thank you, Skelaghe," he murmurs, then feels need to explain: "I never thought of myself as 'good.' I always did what I believed was needed. Before I was - before I became what I am - I was not allowed to believe I could be anything more than a hindrance," he scarcely whispers, debates explaining more to this she-wolf. Should he let this idea and these emotions overcome him and tell all? He looks at her, seeking his answer. She would be the first to hear it all, if he did.
Skelaghe is forever-patient, and as Teketa speaks, she continues to watch him. Hearing what his former packmates must have told him makes her heart ache, and finally, she approaches him to try to nuzzle against him lightly, just a friendly gesture. This doesn't come with any speech, but it's clear that she wants nothing more than to provide a comforting, and friendly, presence. Nothing more than to try to undo some of the damage his careless former pack has done.
Unlike when he first encountered her again a little over a week ago, he's not over-excited. But he doesn't flinch away from her touch as he's done before. In fact, he sighs, and he makes his decision. "It was all over this damned pelt of mine," his voice is barely a whisper, and his eyes are on the she-wolf. Some wry humor seems to enter his voice. He had never realized the pettiness of it until long after he left them. He looks at his dark, "blue-black" pelt with something like disdain in his eyes before shaking himself slowly. "They were always very superstitious, and I was the only wolf they had ever had in their midst with a pelt like mine; I was the only black wolf to be /born/ there. So I asked if some spirits were against me. A black wolf born in any other pack would have been treated just like his gray brethren. But there I was, born on what they called an 'unlucky day', but lucky enough they let me live as I grew older. Even as a pup I was darker than the others, you see." He's telling his story now. Perhaps not with as much skill as Skelaghe. But he is telling it, in such a way one might think he's been waiting for the right wolf to tell all this time.
And Skelaghe remains patient as Teketa says what he needs to say. She doesn't speak, and she doesn't move away from him, even if learning what their hatred of Teketa stemmed from /does/ irritate her. If anyone in her pack gave anyone else grief over /appearance/, she would be very displeased. Still, she listens attentively, perhaps weaving his story into one she could tell later, without realizing she's doing it, but certainly giving his speech every bit of attention it deserves.
"I grew up persecuted and hated among my peers," he continues, his brows furrowing to nearly cover his eyes. "No, not just my peers," he corrects himself, "My elders were afraid. They thought I was capable of impossible things. They thought I was a demon in wolf's flesh, and I believed them to some extent... Only I knew I couldn't do magic, or melt into the shadows like some monster from pups' nightmares," he looks away from Skelaghe at last as he remembers what came next, and he lets the morning sun blind him. It catches his vivid yellow-green eyes, illuminating them. "Thing did not change until I met Dawn. She came from beyond the pack's borders. She was... around my age," he looks at Skelaghe again, wondering if she remembers anything of what he's told her about Dawn. It doesn't matter, though. He'll keep talking now that he's begun, "I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever set eyes upon," his eyes already gave way the joy and sorrow he had suffered with her by his side. "And she was the only wolf I had ever known at that time who treated me like I was... like I was /worth/ something." His eyes are closed again, remembering.
Unfortunately, Skelaghe does remember. That's what stops her from fully enjoying the story's happy turn, knowing that Dawn is no longer around to be the good force that Teketa needs to help him rise above his childhood problems. Still, she is here now, not as a mate, but as a friend. Hopefully, she can fulfill some of the same roles. As she feels she ought to say something, anything, to show that she is listening without trying to direct anything else he may have to say, she replies, "I'm glad she was there to show you there was more, Tek." And that's all. Besides the hint of pleasure in her tone, even knowing what happened to Dawn, or a tiny bit of what happened to Dawn, there is nothing that might make him change his mind about opening up, if there is anything else he had to share.
Teketa grunts softly, shifting his weight. Then he opens his eyes and turns his gaze back to Skelaghe. He'll keep his head here, tell his tale now. No need to allow the emotions to overcome him yet. "I loved her, and while she was with the pack, I was safe from the barbs of my enemies. They loved Dawn, enough to respect her wishes," he whispered. "Or perhaps it was her white fur and their own beliefs that held them at bay," his brows furrowed as though he were angry at something, then he closed his eyes and his face relaxed. "It was she who begged the other wolves to be 'easy' on me, and it was she who managed - somehow - to get into the alphas' good graces and we became mates," and so it is revealed that Teketa has known what joys her companionship - not just as a friend, but as so much more - could bring. "It was winter, and come spring Dawn was expecting puppies when the alphas were forced to step down. I thought it might be a good thing, at first, but our new alpha - his name was Tazen - was more brutal than the last," Teketa can almost taste the hate in his mouth as he remembers... "I could see how he coveted Dawn, even when she chose not to see it." There's an emptiness in Teketa's voice as he continues on, avoiding looking directly at Skelaghe for the time being. "I cannot clearly remember all of the events which lead up to one fateful day. But I /do/ remember the day everything crumbled around me clearly. Dawn was very round in her pregnancy, and I tried to keep her close to me. I was young and thought I could keep her safe from Tazen. But I," Teketa's voice fades for a moment, and he must be silent for several seconds before he continues, his voice strong again: "I could never hope to hold off many wolves. I had been a lowly omega for most of my life. Tazen sought Dawn's affections, and that day he was upset. He sent the pack to separate me from Dawn and succeeded, holding her prisoner. He wanted - well, it doesn't matter what he /wanted/. What he /did/ I cannot forgive," Teketa nearly seethes with the rage he felt then, even if it isn't so pronounced now. "He murdered my mate, pregnant with /our/ pups in front of me!" Even Teketa cannot keep the sorrow from his eyes. He looked at Skelaghe again at last, but he's not really seeing her, so much as the events that transpired in the past. "I am not a violent wolf, Skelaghe," he whispers as he pulls himself to the present. "For the few times we have met, would you agree?"
The black wolf's story continues to break Skelaghe's heart. She had not known, in this much detail, how Dawn had died. Now she knows, and were she prone to anger, there is no telling precisely how angry this would make her. As it is, all she can do is mourn for the white wolf, the kind and caring wolf, who met her end at the paws of someone who lusted after her, probably only for the same appearances that coused him to hate her mate. His sorrow is matches in Skelaghe's own eyes when he looks at her, and after a short pause, in a quiet voice, she responds, "Of course not." And she thinks she knows what is coming. Teketa, driven by what had been done to his mate, his unborn pups, was driven to violence. And, given how many wolves were there, the idea that he would have succeeded against the alpha of his pack is unlikely. What is much more likely is that he was badly beaten and driven off.
Of course, her guesses are correct. He nods his head at her answer, then proceeds, "I was... angry. I have never felt so much rage after that moment again. I did not think when I attacked Tazen. I only knew that I wanted to see his blood spilled just as he had spilled Dawn's." He states it so simply that it seems an easy thing for him. But it isn't. "I cannot say I remember every move I made. I cannot say I know why or how I survived when the pack - a pack that had hated me since my birth - watched me attack their leader," he looks at Skelaghe with eyes that seem unclouded for once, though one never would've thought them unclear before now, "I do remember running away. For my life. I remember being pursued and, before that, I remember Tazen's blood spilling. But I do not know if I killed him. I am not ashamed to say I hope - with all my being - that I did." He falls into silence, but it only lasts a few moments. "That was... several years ago. Or an eternity. How can I be certain? Since then - you have seen that I am a wanderer," his voice is remarkably soft and his eyes could only be described as strange in that moment, where he seemed... almost vulnerable. "I learned and felt more in the wilderness outside of pack life than I have ever known within. I believe it is time you knew all these things, my lady," he whispers the last part. And so she may see why he views her spirits with skepticism, and secretly, perhaps with longing.
Knowing what Skelaghe knows about Teketa, she can also assume she knows, at least in part, why he felt now was the time she know this. Now, with the snow on the ground and her season invariably approaching, now, with the pack formation on all of their minds... She knows. And she hopes she can put his worries to rest. "You will never encounter, at the paws of me or mine, what you encountered there. I cannot say I would have responded any differently, in your situation, Teketa... What I can say is that I would fight beside you even against my own mate, should a similar situation ever occur." No. She will not judge him for this desire to cause another harm. She is not a violent wolf. She is very nonviolent, even more so than Teketa, but should anything come to pass that would threaten her own future pups, she would stop at nothing to see that risk eliminated, and should anyoneone succeed in hurting, in killing, any of her family or friends, she would never find it in her to forgive them. She knows this.
Somehow, someway, he feels lighter for having told her. He had known it would be right to tell her. Now she knew more about him than any other wolf after Dawn. She knew why he was who and what he was. And he's certain he wants it that way. Standing, he takes a step closer to Skelaghe and, in a gesture that seems rather uncharacteristic - and yet, necessary somehow - he gently nuzzles her cheek, then begins to turn as if to walk away. His face is unmasked, revealing peace. It won't last - he knows it, and he's certain she knows it too - but it's feels good for now. "Then know this: I count you my friend as I once counted Dawn. I will be here for you, Skelaghe," he says it with confidence, though he does not know whether he shall remain beyond the winter (though the idea is oft at the forefront of his mind). "I will keep you - and your family - safe." He barely even whispers the last part. But he means it. And when her family grows, he will count the pups as his own kin, for they belong to Skelaghe.
Skelaghe cannot help but smile, slightly, as he nuzzles against her. She knows what the gesture means, how uncommon it is for Teketa. The deep bonds of friendship that have to be between them now. What he offers to her means at least as much to her as anything she has done could mean to him. "Thank you, Teketa." That's all. She doesn't try to keep him here as he walks away. But she /is/ glad this conversation has happened. Glad for the peace in his expression, however temporary it might be.
Skelaghe - Female Wolf
Teketa - Male Wolf
- Wind-Blown Lowlands -
The sun is only starting to rise. Though it has not yet even started to combat the chill in the air, Skelaghe has woken up and made her way away from where she was sleeping beside her mate, as she does most mornings. She generally spends an hour on her own, and these trips she takes do not net any prey or knowledge about the surrounding animals when she returns. They are simply for her own benefit, her own emotional health. Today, when she settles down out of sight of Helaku, she is silent, at least to begin with, simply watching as the light rises over the horizon.
The last few days have found Teketa in a place where sleep has been difficult and uneasy. Each day, he awakens before the sun, feeling as if he had never even closed his eyes. Sleep almost seems like a hopeless mirage, something he's always chasing in the distance. But he must be getting some - he would probably feel significantly worse if he wasn't. This morning is no exception, and he's awake long before the others. He takes that time to wander away, to ponder and observe. He may not be a particularly pack-oriented wolf, but he understands the importance of checking the surroundings and making sure everything remains safe. They may not really be a pack right now. But he'll make sure they remain safe nonetheless. He's returning from this casual patrol just as the sun begins to rise, and he takes a few seconds to stop and admire its light. It's getting to a point where little warmth is offered by the sun. But the sunrise is still bright and beautiful, at least. Usually he would stay away and admire it longer. But he's returning early today, and so it is that, after admiring the sun, the black wolf glimpses something he wouldn't have seen most other days: Skelaghe, alone. She's alone, and doesn't appear to have noticed him yet... Teketa hesitates a moment before stopping and choosing to remain at a distance.
If there is one particularly cautious member of their group, it is not Skelaghe. Even after being chased from her home by violent cougars, she is not as cautious as she could be. Teketa remains unnoticed by Skelaghe, and after a while of watching the slow rise, Skelaghe starts speaking, apparently to no one. "I ask only the strength to help see my friends and mate through this winter, to remain healthy that I may be a good mother, physically and emotionally, to my pups." Some days, she has different requests. Not all days does she verbalize them. Today, though, this part of her morning ritual, picturing what she wanted in her mind and then voicing it, seemed important.
It would be easy for Teketa to turn and walk away, unseen, and evidently unheard. He's nearly prepared to do so when her notices the movement of her lips, and he fancies he can hear her words, though distant they are. Now he's curious. What is she doing? He knew she could act rashly, but he had always seen her as a mentally stable creature... so he approaches quietly, making no attempt to hide himself, nor make undue noise. His eyes are filled with traces of concern, for the idea that something might be wrong with Skelaghe would be among his more prominent fears right now. Once he's close enough - or at least he thinks so - he stops and lifts his head, his eyes questioning though he doesn't speak right away. Are you all right? But now he's nearer, she seems fine... and this leaves him to puzzle over her unusual behavior.
Skelaghe is mentally stable. She is not a stranger to being viewed strangely for her beliefs, though. Beliefs that were common in her former pack, when the Ute was strong. She is also still alert enough. She may not have noticed Teketa off in the distance, but as he approaches, her ears twitch in his direction and, slowly, she pulls her focus in from the sunrise to the black wolf that stands, now, not terribly far away. Pulling herself to her feet with a wagging tail, apparently not upset by this interuption, she greets him. "Good morning, Teketa."
When she greets Teketa, he blinks a few times, wiping his face clean of any concern or confusion: evidently she's well enough to wag her tail and look somewhat pleasant. So she must be all right. He was mistake. So he steps closer - to a slightly better speaking range - before dipping his head in a silent greeting. His tail sways once or twice, but he remains fairly stoic otherwise. "May I ask what it is you were... doing?" he inquires, some of that confusion seeping into his voice before he can stop it. Teketa has never encountered any sort of religion among wolves. Or other animals, for that matter. Unless the extreme superstition of his birthpack was capable of being considered...
"Praying. Asking for help to do what we must do." Skelaghe answers plainly as she approaches Teketa. She stops before she can get too close, respecting his personal space, and sits, all the while watching him. Should she see any confusion, she might explain further, or else wait until he asks a more specific question. Either way, she seems happy to discuss this. Whatever she does alone most mornings, she apparently does not feel like she needs to keep it private, even if she does.
"Praying?" Teketa echoes her softly, his brows furrowing. Praying. He's never tried it before, personally. Never saw much of a point. Still doesn't see one. He doesn't know whether to think more or less about Skelaghe. Then again, he doesn't know enough about "religion" to really pass judgment, now does he? Or else he has "religion" confused with- well, whatever his pack was. So perhaps there's also a small sliver of disdain in his voice, despite whatever effort he might've made to keep it out of his voice. "I see," he adds afterwards. She didn't seem to mind the interruption. Still. He's not sure what to make of it. "I never realized you were..." he searches for an appropriate word and fails, merely shaking his head slowly before bring his eyes back to the she-wolf.
"I gain much benefit from my faith." Faith that there is more than this. That righteous behaviour is rewarded and wicked behaviour, punished. There is no defensiveness to her tone, though, despite the hint of disdain she caught. "I can't claim to have all the answers, Tek... But I do like to believe that I can speak with those who do, however indirectly." And she tries to do what is right at all times. There need be nothing more to it, to those who are not interested in her beliefs. She finds beauty in her spirituality, though.
Simple. Beautiful. Effective. If it makes Skelaghe what - who - she is, then he shouldn't judge it so harshly. She's a sort of wolf he's rarely found, and he shouldn't have sounded as he did. Acknowledging that mistake, he lowers his head slightly. But then, he must wonder: how can she - or anyone - be so certain there's anything out there at all? Teketa has never thought about there being anything beyond this life he's living now... a life he's nearly given up on living more than once. He looks unto the sunrise as he settles onto his haunches, his lips pulling into a small frown. "The pack where I grew up... it was their beliefs that made me what I am," he says it in such a forced, detached way... he's thinking of the past. "I've never seen good in prayer or... faith." He looks sharply at Skelaghe, but his expression softens. "You really believe there is more to this life, my lady?"
"Faith, true faith, should never bring anyone despair, Teketa." Whatever the beliefs of Teketa's former pack, they are almost certainly not mirrored in Skelaghe. "Yes. I truly believe." How could she not? Oh, there have been a few times. But something always happens to pull her back, to remind her of the beauty in this world. To prevent her from becoming like Teketa, broken and incapable of seeing beauty in anything. With hardly any pause at all, she adds, "Rest assured, though, that I do not expect my friends to share my belief." And her pups? When she has them, they will be taught everything that Skelaghe knows, but they, too, will be allowed to make their own decision.
Is that what makes her happy? It must be. "Is that so?" He murmurs, tilting his head to look at her out of the corner of his yellow-green eye. His expression is unreadable. "I have been left to wonder if they were right about me, so long ago," he turns his head so he can look at her again. He didn't expect her to "convert" him. She probably wouldn't be able to, whatever she tried. Perhaps he's not as hopeless as he seems, however. Or else he might've walked away the instant she began speaking of faith. "They were dark. But... your faith brings you peace, does it not?" And he dares a brief smile before looking into the sunrise again, his brows remaining slightly furrowed. Oh, if he could but have that peace...
"Peace and more. Joy. Warmth." All of these things, she can attribute to her faith. Skelaghe smiles as she looks at Teketa, even as he looks off to the rising sun. "For even the most troublesome of times must give way to peace eventually." Even if it is only in death, when the bothers of this natural world can trouble them no more. Skelaghe tries to keep her answers short, so that he can direct the conversation in the direction he wants it to go, but the storyteller in her cannot help but add colour to her speech.
Teketa doesn't look at her again, but listens to what she has to say even so. He's not sure how much of that he believes - or could believe. But his life has steered him in such directions and twisted his path so many times that he's never tried. It seemed hopeless. It still feels that way, quite often. When he saw Skelaghe again for the first time in months, he felt a small spark - something that might've been insignificant to other wolves - but a spark of hope that to him was like a brilliant light in all the darkness surrounding him. So he had accepted her offer, only to realize that as the feeling fades... he's left empty again, and perhaps more lost than before. Will he stay, even after the winter passes? He can't tell now. When she finishes, he looks at her again and allows a long silence. "Have you ever... doubted?"
Skelaghe keeps eye contact with Teketa as long as she can. As long as she will allow him to. When she answers, her voice is appropriately somber, and entirely honest. "Once. More often than I have doubted my beliefs, I have doubted that I held the spirits' favor." Those were the dark times in Skelaghe's life. Not her times of unfailing faith.
Teketa can't hold her gaze. His knowledge that - for now - she is his superior makes holding her gaze more uncomfortable than it used to be, when he didn't have to worry about customs and rules. So he turns his eyes the only way he can - to the sky. The sun. "Do you suppose, one can be born... against the spirits' wishes? Or lack their 'favor' for... for most of their life?" He doesn't mention himself. But even so, it's fairly obvious Teketa means himself. It is an unresolved problem for him: should he have existed in the first place? Why was he so disliked by the-powers-that-be - if those even existed - so much so that his life's path had almost always ended in tragedy of some form or another?
Skelaghe's answer comes quickly. "No." Then, however, she actually processes the rest of his quiestion, and she feels obligated to expand on that one-word answer. "No child could ever deserve my spirits' ill wishes. Not the ones who are worthy of serving, certainly. And I believe it would take many more evil acts than anyone I know would be capable of performing to ensure that no amount of restitution would put them back in the good graces of the spirits that matter. The ones who can do good, and will help others to do good." Even if he does not meet her gaze, she continues to look at him, and she ends her short speech with, "What I do believe is that an animal has to be willing to accept help in order for help to be rendered."
No? Teketa doesn't break his gaze from the pale morning sky as he listens. His brows furrow, however. "Are you so certain?" Should he question her so? He lowers his gaze, realizing the mistake he may have made. But he wants to know, and he must question things to know more, mustn't he? He sighs softly, "Your spirits must not be the same which have burdened others," his pack, himself, and perhaps even Dawn, whose life was stolen away. He finally looks at her again as she speaks her last statement, and his face is unclear. Willing to accept help, she says. Does he need to ask her spirits for help? What good would that do...?
Skelaghe does not appear upset at the questions. She's not. She may be the female alpha of their not-quite-pack, but more than that, she is Teketa's friend. "I am certain, Teketa. And, to this day, I cannot understand why some would prefer to worship those who are not kind and just, why some prefer to wallow in their own self-inflicted misery." Which doesn't include Teketa, in her eyes. He left. He is trying to live his life in a peaceful and happy manner. It may be that she is unable to help him, but she certainly believes that he deserves happiness.
He's looking at her quietly, his demeanor is somewhat calmer than it has been as she answers. She's certain, and he can see it has always been true: since he first met her... her religion - her beliefs - would explain almost everything. She speaks truth, wisdom... Teketa nods slowly. "Who can say why they made that choice. Why they believed in their foolish superstitions, their-" he can feel the memories of the past crowding in on him, and he forces himself to stop speaking for the sake of the peaceful morning. "Of course, I never had to believe them," he looks at the sky again, allowing the memories to ebb away.
Skelaghe is at a minor disadvantage. She really knows nothing more of Teketa's old pack than what she can pick from his statements. She is used to it, though. Helaku also had serious trouble before they rejoined, and she is more than prepared to allow them to mourn or share in their own way, and as their emotions allow them. She keeps her eyes on her potential packmate, but she is not staring. If anything is in her eyes, it is not pity. It is admiration. "I could not imagine anything more noble or requiring more strength than growing beyond narrow-minded companions, Tek. That you don't believe what they believed... That says more to your good that anything else could."
She calls him good, and he closes his vivid green eyes. As his fierce eyes close, there's almost a gentleness to the wolf, if not the remnants of the hurts he's gone through in the past. He told her once that she reminded him of someone. She still does sometimes. He turns his head, his eyes still closed, and when he opens them, there's more emotion present than there has been in a good, long while. "Thank you, Skelaghe," he murmurs, then feels need to explain: "I never thought of myself as 'good.' I always did what I believed was needed. Before I was - before I became what I am - I was not allowed to believe I could be anything more than a hindrance," he scarcely whispers, debates explaining more to this she-wolf. Should he let this idea and these emotions overcome him and tell all? He looks at her, seeking his answer. She would be the first to hear it all, if he did.
Skelaghe is forever-patient, and as Teketa speaks, she continues to watch him. Hearing what his former packmates must have told him makes her heart ache, and finally, she approaches him to try to nuzzle against him lightly, just a friendly gesture. This doesn't come with any speech, but it's clear that she wants nothing more than to provide a comforting, and friendly, presence. Nothing more than to try to undo some of the damage his careless former pack has done.
Unlike when he first encountered her again a little over a week ago, he's not over-excited. But he doesn't flinch away from her touch as he's done before. In fact, he sighs, and he makes his decision. "It was all over this damned pelt of mine," his voice is barely a whisper, and his eyes are on the she-wolf. Some wry humor seems to enter his voice. He had never realized the pettiness of it until long after he left them. He looks at his dark, "blue-black" pelt with something like disdain in his eyes before shaking himself slowly. "They were always very superstitious, and I was the only wolf they had ever had in their midst with a pelt like mine; I was the only black wolf to be /born/ there. So I asked if some spirits were against me. A black wolf born in any other pack would have been treated just like his gray brethren. But there I was, born on what they called an 'unlucky day', but lucky enough they let me live as I grew older. Even as a pup I was darker than the others, you see." He's telling his story now. Perhaps not with as much skill as Skelaghe. But he is telling it, in such a way one might think he's been waiting for the right wolf to tell all this time.
And Skelaghe remains patient as Teketa says what he needs to say. She doesn't speak, and she doesn't move away from him, even if learning what their hatred of Teketa stemmed from /does/ irritate her. If anyone in her pack gave anyone else grief over /appearance/, she would be very displeased. Still, she listens attentively, perhaps weaving his story into one she could tell later, without realizing she's doing it, but certainly giving his speech every bit of attention it deserves.
"I grew up persecuted and hated among my peers," he continues, his brows furrowing to nearly cover his eyes. "No, not just my peers," he corrects himself, "My elders were afraid. They thought I was capable of impossible things. They thought I was a demon in wolf's flesh, and I believed them to some extent... Only I knew I couldn't do magic, or melt into the shadows like some monster from pups' nightmares," he looks away from Skelaghe at last as he remembers what came next, and he lets the morning sun blind him. It catches his vivid yellow-green eyes, illuminating them. "Thing did not change until I met Dawn. She came from beyond the pack's borders. She was... around my age," he looks at Skelaghe again, wondering if she remembers anything of what he's told her about Dawn. It doesn't matter, though. He'll keep talking now that he's begun, "I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever set eyes upon," his eyes already gave way the joy and sorrow he had suffered with her by his side. "And she was the only wolf I had ever known at that time who treated me like I was... like I was /worth/ something." His eyes are closed again, remembering.
Unfortunately, Skelaghe does remember. That's what stops her from fully enjoying the story's happy turn, knowing that Dawn is no longer around to be the good force that Teketa needs to help him rise above his childhood problems. Still, she is here now, not as a mate, but as a friend. Hopefully, she can fulfill some of the same roles. As she feels she ought to say something, anything, to show that she is listening without trying to direct anything else he may have to say, she replies, "I'm glad she was there to show you there was more, Tek." And that's all. Besides the hint of pleasure in her tone, even knowing what happened to Dawn, or a tiny bit of what happened to Dawn, there is nothing that might make him change his mind about opening up, if there is anything else he had to share.
Teketa grunts softly, shifting his weight. Then he opens his eyes and turns his gaze back to Skelaghe. He'll keep his head here, tell his tale now. No need to allow the emotions to overcome him yet. "I loved her, and while she was with the pack, I was safe from the barbs of my enemies. They loved Dawn, enough to respect her wishes," he whispered. "Or perhaps it was her white fur and their own beliefs that held them at bay," his brows furrowed as though he were angry at something, then he closed his eyes and his face relaxed. "It was she who begged the other wolves to be 'easy' on me, and it was she who managed - somehow - to get into the alphas' good graces and we became mates," and so it is revealed that Teketa has known what joys her companionship - not just as a friend, but as so much more - could bring. "It was winter, and come spring Dawn was expecting puppies when the alphas were forced to step down. I thought it might be a good thing, at first, but our new alpha - his name was Tazen - was more brutal than the last," Teketa can almost taste the hate in his mouth as he remembers... "I could see how he coveted Dawn, even when she chose not to see it." There's an emptiness in Teketa's voice as he continues on, avoiding looking directly at Skelaghe for the time being. "I cannot clearly remember all of the events which lead up to one fateful day. But I /do/ remember the day everything crumbled around me clearly. Dawn was very round in her pregnancy, and I tried to keep her close to me. I was young and thought I could keep her safe from Tazen. But I," Teketa's voice fades for a moment, and he must be silent for several seconds before he continues, his voice strong again: "I could never hope to hold off many wolves. I had been a lowly omega for most of my life. Tazen sought Dawn's affections, and that day he was upset. He sent the pack to separate me from Dawn and succeeded, holding her prisoner. He wanted - well, it doesn't matter what he /wanted/. What he /did/ I cannot forgive," Teketa nearly seethes with the rage he felt then, even if it isn't so pronounced now. "He murdered my mate, pregnant with /our/ pups in front of me!" Even Teketa cannot keep the sorrow from his eyes. He looked at Skelaghe again at last, but he's not really seeing her, so much as the events that transpired in the past. "I am not a violent wolf, Skelaghe," he whispers as he pulls himself to the present. "For the few times we have met, would you agree?"
The black wolf's story continues to break Skelaghe's heart. She had not known, in this much detail, how Dawn had died. Now she knows, and were she prone to anger, there is no telling precisely how angry this would make her. As it is, all she can do is mourn for the white wolf, the kind and caring wolf, who met her end at the paws of someone who lusted after her, probably only for the same appearances that coused him to hate her mate. His sorrow is matches in Skelaghe's own eyes when he looks at her, and after a short pause, in a quiet voice, she responds, "Of course not." And she thinks she knows what is coming. Teketa, driven by what had been done to his mate, his unborn pups, was driven to violence. And, given how many wolves were there, the idea that he would have succeeded against the alpha of his pack is unlikely. What is much more likely is that he was badly beaten and driven off.
Of course, her guesses are correct. He nods his head at her answer, then proceeds, "I was... angry. I have never felt so much rage after that moment again. I did not think when I attacked Tazen. I only knew that I wanted to see his blood spilled just as he had spilled Dawn's." He states it so simply that it seems an easy thing for him. But it isn't. "I cannot say I remember every move I made. I cannot say I know why or how I survived when the pack - a pack that had hated me since my birth - watched me attack their leader," he looks at Skelaghe with eyes that seem unclouded for once, though one never would've thought them unclear before now, "I do remember running away. For my life. I remember being pursued and, before that, I remember Tazen's blood spilling. But I do not know if I killed him. I am not ashamed to say I hope - with all my being - that I did." He falls into silence, but it only lasts a few moments. "That was... several years ago. Or an eternity. How can I be certain? Since then - you have seen that I am a wanderer," his voice is remarkably soft and his eyes could only be described as strange in that moment, where he seemed... almost vulnerable. "I learned and felt more in the wilderness outside of pack life than I have ever known within. I believe it is time you knew all these things, my lady," he whispers the last part. And so she may see why he views her spirits with skepticism, and secretly, perhaps with longing.
Knowing what Skelaghe knows about Teketa, she can also assume she knows, at least in part, why he felt now was the time she know this. Now, with the snow on the ground and her season invariably approaching, now, with the pack formation on all of their minds... She knows. And she hopes she can put his worries to rest. "You will never encounter, at the paws of me or mine, what you encountered there. I cannot say I would have responded any differently, in your situation, Teketa... What I can say is that I would fight beside you even against my own mate, should a similar situation ever occur." No. She will not judge him for this desire to cause another harm. She is not a violent wolf. She is very nonviolent, even more so than Teketa, but should anything come to pass that would threaten her own future pups, she would stop at nothing to see that risk eliminated, and should anyoneone succeed in hurting, in killing, any of her family or friends, she would never find it in her to forgive them. She knows this.
Somehow, someway, he feels lighter for having told her. He had known it would be right to tell her. Now she knew more about him than any other wolf after Dawn. She knew why he was who and what he was. And he's certain he wants it that way. Standing, he takes a step closer to Skelaghe and, in a gesture that seems rather uncharacteristic - and yet, necessary somehow - he gently nuzzles her cheek, then begins to turn as if to walk away. His face is unmasked, revealing peace. It won't last - he knows it, and he's certain she knows it too - but it's feels good for now. "Then know this: I count you my friend as I once counted Dawn. I will be here for you, Skelaghe," he says it with confidence, though he does not know whether he shall remain beyond the winter (though the idea is oft at the forefront of his mind). "I will keep you - and your family - safe." He barely even whispers the last part. But he means it. And when her family grows, he will count the pups as his own kin, for they belong to Skelaghe.
Skelaghe cannot help but smile, slightly, as he nuzzles against her. She knows what the gesture means, how uncommon it is for Teketa. The deep bonds of friendship that have to be between them now. What he offers to her means at least as much to her as anything she has done could mean to him. "Thank you, Teketa." That's all. She doesn't try to keep him here as he walks away. But she /is/ glad this conversation has happened. Glad for the peace in his expression, however temporary it might be.