Post by Therdde on Nov 5, 2009 14:29:03 GMT -5
Characters:
Skelaghe - Female Wolf
Helaku - Male Wolf
- Crabapple Tree -
It took a long time to get home, but Skelaghe and Teketa arrived eventually, and although the shewolf would have simply loved to stay in the den with her pups, she knew she would have to talk to Helaku eventually. Somewhere that their children won't be able to overhear. They'll know soon enough. Too soon. She just needs more time to figure out how to tell them why she disappeared so suddenly and for so long. In absence of that conversation, the den was quiet long before Skelaghe finally exits it to try to find Helaku. Helaku has been nothing but honourable about this. His behaviour is not the cause of her hesitation, of the battle it takes for her to keep her head raised instead of hung in shame as she follows his diminutive scent away from the den.
Helaku had wandered to a pond, and even in this cold weather sat in its shallows, staring forward at the surface, and the landscape beyond. He was happy to have Skel back on Ute land, and rather happier to not have to deal with idiots whom might return, yet anyway. Other than this, he had no real opinions on the matters that could be distinguished by mere looks. He kept everything internal, so deep that no one would find it. He prided himself in the fact that he had been very merciful to Skel, even though she did nothing wrong--merciful as far as wolves go. The simple fact was, he knew he was the best. Better than the Lazuli, better than the Sienna, and better than the Viridian. Yes, he silently dared to think that, but not out of arrogance. He wrinkled his nose, contemplating.
Even if he is perfectly willing to accept these pups in the pack, even if he is willing to treat them as his, Skelaghe rather expects her doubt of him to have hurt him. Would it not have hurt her, had their situations been reversed? Skelaghe stops well short of Helaku and forces herself to breath. Her emotions are running wild, and it's not doing her any good. She never used to be this emotional. "Helaku." Her voice is soft, quiet... Full of doubt. He is here, and she is here, but she can't expect that their relationship will ever be the same. She can't even hope that it will.
The wolf slowly turned in the water to face her, eyes meeting hers. How did he feel? He did not feel betrayed, or hurt. In fact, he felt nothing at all for himself. All that he felt was for Skel. Vincent did not hurt him, he hurt Skel. Skel did not betray him, she betrayed no one. He kept where he was, sitting in the cold water, ears erect. "Come closer," he said, gently. "Hold your head high, and your tail."
Skelaghe told herself she was going to do absolutely anything in her power to make this easier on her packmates. She has been here to see them through any number of difficulties. Sure, she has never been security minded, like Helaku, but she has always been of the opinion that what she had to offer, a soundness of mind and concern for the mental wellbeing of those around her, was at least every bit as important as what Helaku gave to the pack. If she cannot still be that for them... What will become of their pack? Still required to actively remind herself that breathing is very much a necessary action, she forces her head and tail high. It feels fake, but if that is what Helaku needs her to be, right now... Her steps toward ehr mate are small, slow. Hesitant.
Helaku watched, but he didn't find her actions fake. She was as she should be, even if her mind wasn't aware of it at the moment. He might have been security minded, a bit forceful of things, and unusually watchful, but that didn't replace his old self entirely. What he did for her now was not what an Alpha normally did--it was the Beta, the things he learned from his time in the old Ute pack. "Walk as you normally would," he murmured. "Walk to me, your nose to my nose...and know that you are not broken."
How is she supposed to know that she is not broken? She /feels/ broken. That's not what this is about. This is supposed to be about reassuring her packmates that she will not be leaving again. That she is still their Alphaess. She can't do it, though. Not the way Helaku wants. Instead of following his suggestions... His orders... She stops moving. The very fact that she exercises her will in defiance of his orders ought to speak toward the fact that, while she might feel broken, she will heal. In time. "I understand what you are trying to do. I appreciate it. But it doesn't work that way, Helaku." They can't simply pretend that nothing has happened. It won't work. She keeps her head high as she says so, though.
Helaku kept his eyes on her, and when she stopped he smiled. "Wrong," he said. "What you do now by stopping is exactly what I hoped you'd do." He slowly rose and stepped onto the dry land, approaching her as he normally would, right up to hise nose being a mere inch from hers. "A truly broken individual would have kept walking to me instead of following her own thoughts and emotions," he said. "A friend I once knew...wise Alsatian...told me the same thing after I had been taken advantage of." Now..what did he mean by that? Mystery, ever mystery with Helaku. He edges his snout under her maw, inhaling her scent. "Do I acknowledge this happened? Yes. But me enacting the old ways on you as our late Alphas proclaimed Ute should would have done nothing...it wouldn't have rolled back time to prevent disaster--change nothing. It may seem that I am void of feeling or void of concern...but what is there for me to concern over except for your well-being? I know why you're here to see me."
Does he now? Were it not for his head under hers, she would doubtlessly hang her head here. Being as that is impossible, Skelaghe merely closes her eyes to whisper, "I'm sorry, Helaku." Sorry not only that she was impregnated by anyone other than Helaku, but that she couldn't trust that he would have her best interests at heart. Not when the cost of that trust could have been so very high if it was misplaced. She probably wouldn't have trusted Teketa either, even with the apst she shares with teketa, but for the fact that teketa is not her mate. If he had been, would she have been any more open with him than she was with Helaku? If it was Teketa's privilege, and Teketa's alone, to breed with Skelaghe, could she have trusted that he wouldn't kill the offspring from someone else doing what only he was allowed to do?
His eyes peered at her, into her own buthe didn't move his snout. "You are still heavily grounded in old Ute ways," he said, "Yet, it is also cause for your strong sense of properness. As I've said before, we are equals. You do not need to apologize to me, or hang your head...when we settled together, I knew then that no matter what happened, I would support you."
If he forgives her, she will never mention it again. /If/ he forgives her. In order for him to do that, he has to recognize her transgression. "I doubted you. You've only ever supported me, and I paid you back by doubting you." She doesn't open her eyes. She's not sure she could face his expression if he /doesn't/ forgive her. "That I had reason to doubt is not the point. You're not the one who gave me that reason, and you should not have had to be the recipient of that doubt. For that, I am sorry." His forgiveness could be the first real step toward rebuilding their relationship... But she absolutely won't blame him if that forgiveness is not immediate.
"Then you are forgiven," he said, though inside he felt it was the shock and emotion of being violated that led her to doubt, and the fact she had never been around him during this sort of thing. Yes, he did forgive her, even if he didn't feel walked on. What else was he supposed to say? He wanted Skel, and wanted her to stay, as an Ute, an Alpha, and his mate. That is all he asked, nothing more. She fulfilled it, even if she saw herself having failed.
Skelaghe takes a deep, slow breath after hearing Helaku. Finally, she opens her eyes again to look at him, and perhaps despite herself, a smile twitches at her muzzle. It disappears less than a second after it appeared, but it was there, and rather than speak, she dips her head to nuzzle against him. They'll work this. It won't be easy, or fast, but she can trust that they'll manage to fix what has gone wrong, eventually.
Helaku could only smile in return, and offered her an equal deep nuzzling as he further closed the distance between them. The slightest smile from her was a good smile. He wouldn't ask for more than she could give,as it would be improper.
Skelaghe stays pressed against her mate for a moment, then slowly steps back. This is a good first step, and while part of her tells her she should spend more time with her mate... A bigger part of her wants to return to her children. She missed them so much, and they were obviously upset by her absence. "I want to get back to our pups, Helaku. Will you come to the den tonight?" She does not plan to spend any significant amount of time away from them for at least as long as she was gone, but she would like to spend some time with Helaku as well.
Helaku's tag wagged, a rare gesture from him as he believed himself to look rather silly doing it. "I will," he said, "and every night." He grinned on that remark, sitting properly and content. The disaster only brought them closer, as before they had been distant due to pack duties and obligations. "And do not worry...the pups do not know. I prefer....to have them think of the future as them having more siblings rather than odds at only half."
Skelaghe - Female Wolf
Helaku - Male Wolf
- Crabapple Tree -
It took a long time to get home, but Skelaghe and Teketa arrived eventually, and although the shewolf would have simply loved to stay in the den with her pups, she knew she would have to talk to Helaku eventually. Somewhere that their children won't be able to overhear. They'll know soon enough. Too soon. She just needs more time to figure out how to tell them why she disappeared so suddenly and for so long. In absence of that conversation, the den was quiet long before Skelaghe finally exits it to try to find Helaku. Helaku has been nothing but honourable about this. His behaviour is not the cause of her hesitation, of the battle it takes for her to keep her head raised instead of hung in shame as she follows his diminutive scent away from the den.
Helaku had wandered to a pond, and even in this cold weather sat in its shallows, staring forward at the surface, and the landscape beyond. He was happy to have Skel back on Ute land, and rather happier to not have to deal with idiots whom might return, yet anyway. Other than this, he had no real opinions on the matters that could be distinguished by mere looks. He kept everything internal, so deep that no one would find it. He prided himself in the fact that he had been very merciful to Skel, even though she did nothing wrong--merciful as far as wolves go. The simple fact was, he knew he was the best. Better than the Lazuli, better than the Sienna, and better than the Viridian. Yes, he silently dared to think that, but not out of arrogance. He wrinkled his nose, contemplating.
Even if he is perfectly willing to accept these pups in the pack, even if he is willing to treat them as his, Skelaghe rather expects her doubt of him to have hurt him. Would it not have hurt her, had their situations been reversed? Skelaghe stops well short of Helaku and forces herself to breath. Her emotions are running wild, and it's not doing her any good. She never used to be this emotional. "Helaku." Her voice is soft, quiet... Full of doubt. He is here, and she is here, but she can't expect that their relationship will ever be the same. She can't even hope that it will.
The wolf slowly turned in the water to face her, eyes meeting hers. How did he feel? He did not feel betrayed, or hurt. In fact, he felt nothing at all for himself. All that he felt was for Skel. Vincent did not hurt him, he hurt Skel. Skel did not betray him, she betrayed no one. He kept where he was, sitting in the cold water, ears erect. "Come closer," he said, gently. "Hold your head high, and your tail."
Skelaghe told herself she was going to do absolutely anything in her power to make this easier on her packmates. She has been here to see them through any number of difficulties. Sure, she has never been security minded, like Helaku, but she has always been of the opinion that what she had to offer, a soundness of mind and concern for the mental wellbeing of those around her, was at least every bit as important as what Helaku gave to the pack. If she cannot still be that for them... What will become of their pack? Still required to actively remind herself that breathing is very much a necessary action, she forces her head and tail high. It feels fake, but if that is what Helaku needs her to be, right now... Her steps toward ehr mate are small, slow. Hesitant.
Helaku watched, but he didn't find her actions fake. She was as she should be, even if her mind wasn't aware of it at the moment. He might have been security minded, a bit forceful of things, and unusually watchful, but that didn't replace his old self entirely. What he did for her now was not what an Alpha normally did--it was the Beta, the things he learned from his time in the old Ute pack. "Walk as you normally would," he murmured. "Walk to me, your nose to my nose...and know that you are not broken."
How is she supposed to know that she is not broken? She /feels/ broken. That's not what this is about. This is supposed to be about reassuring her packmates that she will not be leaving again. That she is still their Alphaess. She can't do it, though. Not the way Helaku wants. Instead of following his suggestions... His orders... She stops moving. The very fact that she exercises her will in defiance of his orders ought to speak toward the fact that, while she might feel broken, she will heal. In time. "I understand what you are trying to do. I appreciate it. But it doesn't work that way, Helaku." They can't simply pretend that nothing has happened. It won't work. She keeps her head high as she says so, though.
Helaku kept his eyes on her, and when she stopped he smiled. "Wrong," he said. "What you do now by stopping is exactly what I hoped you'd do." He slowly rose and stepped onto the dry land, approaching her as he normally would, right up to hise nose being a mere inch from hers. "A truly broken individual would have kept walking to me instead of following her own thoughts and emotions," he said. "A friend I once knew...wise Alsatian...told me the same thing after I had been taken advantage of." Now..what did he mean by that? Mystery, ever mystery with Helaku. He edges his snout under her maw, inhaling her scent. "Do I acknowledge this happened? Yes. But me enacting the old ways on you as our late Alphas proclaimed Ute should would have done nothing...it wouldn't have rolled back time to prevent disaster--change nothing. It may seem that I am void of feeling or void of concern...but what is there for me to concern over except for your well-being? I know why you're here to see me."
Does he now? Were it not for his head under hers, she would doubtlessly hang her head here. Being as that is impossible, Skelaghe merely closes her eyes to whisper, "I'm sorry, Helaku." Sorry not only that she was impregnated by anyone other than Helaku, but that she couldn't trust that he would have her best interests at heart. Not when the cost of that trust could have been so very high if it was misplaced. She probably wouldn't have trusted Teketa either, even with the apst she shares with teketa, but for the fact that teketa is not her mate. If he had been, would she have been any more open with him than she was with Helaku? If it was Teketa's privilege, and Teketa's alone, to breed with Skelaghe, could she have trusted that he wouldn't kill the offspring from someone else doing what only he was allowed to do?
His eyes peered at her, into her own buthe didn't move his snout. "You are still heavily grounded in old Ute ways," he said, "Yet, it is also cause for your strong sense of properness. As I've said before, we are equals. You do not need to apologize to me, or hang your head...when we settled together, I knew then that no matter what happened, I would support you."
If he forgives her, she will never mention it again. /If/ he forgives her. In order for him to do that, he has to recognize her transgression. "I doubted you. You've only ever supported me, and I paid you back by doubting you." She doesn't open her eyes. She's not sure she could face his expression if he /doesn't/ forgive her. "That I had reason to doubt is not the point. You're not the one who gave me that reason, and you should not have had to be the recipient of that doubt. For that, I am sorry." His forgiveness could be the first real step toward rebuilding their relationship... But she absolutely won't blame him if that forgiveness is not immediate.
"Then you are forgiven," he said, though inside he felt it was the shock and emotion of being violated that led her to doubt, and the fact she had never been around him during this sort of thing. Yes, he did forgive her, even if he didn't feel walked on. What else was he supposed to say? He wanted Skel, and wanted her to stay, as an Ute, an Alpha, and his mate. That is all he asked, nothing more. She fulfilled it, even if she saw herself having failed.
Skelaghe takes a deep, slow breath after hearing Helaku. Finally, she opens her eyes again to look at him, and perhaps despite herself, a smile twitches at her muzzle. It disappears less than a second after it appeared, but it was there, and rather than speak, she dips her head to nuzzle against him. They'll work this. It won't be easy, or fast, but she can trust that they'll manage to fix what has gone wrong, eventually.
Helaku could only smile in return, and offered her an equal deep nuzzling as he further closed the distance between them. The slightest smile from her was a good smile. He wouldn't ask for more than she could give,as it would be improper.
Skelaghe stays pressed against her mate for a moment, then slowly steps back. This is a good first step, and while part of her tells her she should spend more time with her mate... A bigger part of her wants to return to her children. She missed them so much, and they were obviously upset by her absence. "I want to get back to our pups, Helaku. Will you come to the den tonight?" She does not plan to spend any significant amount of time away from them for at least as long as she was gone, but she would like to spend some time with Helaku as well.
Helaku's tag wagged, a rare gesture from him as he believed himself to look rather silly doing it. "I will," he said, "and every night." He grinned on that remark, sitting properly and content. The disaster only brought them closer, as before they had been distant due to pack duties and obligations. "And do not worry...the pups do not know. I prefer....to have them think of the future as them having more siblings rather than odds at only half."