Post by Chibiabos on Jan 12, 2010 10:50:30 GMT -5
Survivor finally relates the tale of his scar, and the truth is more horrific than Skelaghe or Wyanet can bear.
Clover Lawn
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A carpet of prairie clover spans outward in all directions. In the summer, reddish purple and white blossoms spring up, attracting bees and butterflies from all over. Grass has tried, with only limited success, to overrun the area; blades poke up around the fringes, where they've charged down the hill from the northeast. Dandelions, as well as a few vine weeds, have also claimed their presence here. But the clover holds fast. Sitting conspicuously in the midst of all the greenage, are three moss-infested boulders of increasing height, set in a loose circle.
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Characters:
Skelaghe, shewolf and alphess of Ute
Wyanet, shewolf and member of Ute
Survivor, male and new pledgeling-omega of Ute
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Survivor is in a state of consternation. He readily and respectfully submits to others, as a pledgeling-omega should, but is much less relaxed than he had at first meeting the Alphess just a few days prior. His posture is tense, his expression solemn, and he sits quietly, gazing straight ahead at a rise in the clover patch as the breeze ripples through, causing the prairie-clover on the rise to sway and dance. Overall, he gives the impression of one who is very disappointed and sorely feeling a failure.
Skelaghe has already spoken to Wyanet this mornin. The details were... Well, scarcely worthy of being called details. Still, Skelaghe does not seem to be alarmed as she returns to the clover field. It takes effort, yet. There's some part of her that feels that, if she were to have her way, no one new would ever be allowed near her pups. She's working past it, though. As she walks through the clover field, she keeps an eye out for either Survivor or Jage, since she must talk to both of them.
Survivor is not hiding, as is is rather hard to not notice ... a hard, scarred wolf sitting erectly in a field of soft, sweet clover, almost like a statue. The fur remaining on his body ripples in the breeze, as the strands of clover and grass do across the Clover Lawn. Lost in whatever thought causes him to gaze so solidly, he is several degrees oblivious to the material world around him, including the approaching Alphess.
As Skelaghe approaches, she lets out a bark to annouce her approach. She does not, after all, want to sneak up on and startle him. Even having done that, she stops a short distance back, yet. She does not speak immediately, rather, waiting until it is obvious she has his attention. Months ago, had a wolf appeared so deep in thought as Survivor does, Skelaghe would have hesitated to ever interrupt. It's one more of the many ways she has changed, or else, it's just a symptom of her getting older. She no longer has as much time to spend on waiting as she did when she was younger.
Survivor is brought back to awareness by the alphess' call. He rises from his sit, tucking his tail tightly under himself. As badly as he fears he has betrayed his duties as a pack member, new or no, understandably unfamiliar with whom is friend and whom is intruder or no, and as puppy-like as he may seem to be in so many ways, his lesson on punishment and his recognition of his own sins refuses to allow him the comfort of hesitating to confess news that may cost him his welcome. He strides up to the Alphess, and as he gets near, droops to a guilty slink. "Blessings of the day to you, Alphess," Survivor greets. "I am afraid I have troubling news ... I fear I may have allowed an intruder unchallenged in the lands of the Ute ... a young black wolf, with liver fringes. He bore a Tobba, a sun on his left shoulder with a blue crescent Moon at its center. He came upon me here, on this very spot, from those boulders," he points with his muzzle. "I assumed he was a pack member, since I still have yet to acquaint with most of my newly kindred packmates in the Ute. He claimed to be familiar with you, but refused to give me his name. He then said he was unfamiliar with the Ute ... I had my guard fully down, as I had mis-assumed he was a member of Ute I had merely not yet met. He disappeared, quite stealthily, back over the boulders. I howled thrice for help, and Kezu, Hahtalekin and Wyanet came promptly. When I explained what I had just seen, I gave what aid I could to Kezu and Hahtalekin to persue the apparent intruder ... but he seemed to leave no trail behind, no faintest whiff of a scent even in the exact spots I had seen him on the boulders, and we could find no pawed-down trails through the grass. Kezu and Hahtalekin exhaustively searched with me, but we were unable to pick up his trail ... we searched all evening, but the intruder completely evaded us. I have ... never before ... encountered such stealth, not from a wolf anyhow."
Well. There are more details there than what Wyanet gave her. Of course, ti can be difficult to discuss details when pups are trying to crawl on top of you. If the details are anything that would cause Skelaghe to revoke her welcome, though, she doesn't show it. Indeed, she appears... sympathetic? "Calm down, Survivor, and stand. You've done nothing wrong." Has she truly given herself time to think about who that wolf must be? No. It doesn't really much matter, right now. She didn't even actually come here for those details she missed from Wyanet, but rather, to check in on Survivor and make sure he was all right.
Survivor glances and listens intently around to see if innocent ears are about, for whom what he is about to say may not be appropriate for them to hear. As would-be-stealthy-pups fortunately do not *yet* seem to be within earshot, Survivor shifts his gaze up to just below the alphess' eyes. "You have impressed me greatly, Alphess, with your wisdom and judgement ... but on the subject of whether I have done anything wrong, I fear I have cowardly kept you in the dark, and you are not aware of things. I have been less than forthcoming with you, Alphess, things you have a right, a need to know and I have an obligation to not hide atrocious crimes I committed in the past that earned my ... punishment."
Making her way towards the lawn is Wyanet, yawning loudly as her jaws split open wide. She spent the night in the den with the pups, waiting for the boys to come home from their hunt, and in search of this mysterious ninja wolf without a scent. She doesn't appear to be too worried though, if anything, it seems she finally got a full night of sleep, so perhaps, she won't be as snarly as she was last evening. "Good morning!" She calls out with a bright smile, flopping down at Skel's side, then promptly leans in to flop her head against her Alpha's shoulder, half lidding her eyes for a moment. As she catches up with the rest of the conversation, at least the tail end, she grows quiet, ears twitching some as she sleepily peeks at Survivor.
Does she want to ask? Of course she does. Whatever happens to her, Skelaghe has seldom passed up an opportunity to learn some new story. This is different, though. "Whenever you wish to speak to me, Survivor, my ears will always be open." As they are when Wyanet speaks. Skelaghe spares Wyanet only a brief glance before turning her attention back to Survivor for the time being, as this must be said. "If I had wanted answers from you, though, I would have asked the questions when we first met. Whatever has happened in your past... You learned the lessons you had to learn." And that's all the more that matters, to Skelaghe. After she finishs speaking, she turns her head to nuzzle Wyanet. There. Greeting.
Survivor glances over to the young shewolf, then back to Skelaghe. "I believe there are things you must know, Alphess ... but, perhaps, not when tender ears are about." He forces himself to a more relaxed posture as Wyanet gets close. "Good morning, Wyanet!" he softly calls to the lass.
"Tender ears about? What are you talking about? I think the three of us here all know about hardship." Wyanet says with a smirk upon her face as she gives Skelaghe another nuzzle to the shoulder, then sprawls out on her stomach, chin resting across her paws. "So, how'd you get all the scars, Survivor?" She asks point blankly. "You tangle with a bear or something?" Of course she is curious, she happens to enjoy stories about scars. "I only got the ear right now." She motions upwards to her head.
Skelaghe could have predicted that Wyanet would say something about Survivor's claim there way be tender ears around. That she predicted it so well causes her a slight smile. She doesn't speak to Wyanet, save to nudge her with a shoulder. There is a reason Skelaghe does not ask difficult questions if she can avoid it. From everything she has said, so far, it ought to be clear to Survivor that he should not feel he /has/ to answer, so she does not bother to say it again.
Survivor hesitates several long moments before answering Wyanet, forcing himself to consider a wiser answer than he previously had. "I broke Luna's covenant," he finally comes to answer her. There ... no mis-understanding punishment as a parent might swat their pup to the point of leaving such scars, which he figures is what bothered the Alphess about his previous attempt to answer. Still, having said it, he fears it still was the wrong thing to say ... he is torn between desiring to ignore his natural wish to avoid repercussions from his crimes, and knowing however well-intentioned honesty can be, that an honest expression of unpleasantness can unduly harm the young. "I have never truly been misfortunate, Wyanet ... I would not say I know undue hardship. On the contrary, I have more blessings than I deserve ... finding Ute, for instance."
"What is Luna's covenant?" Wyanet asks with a curious look on her face, lifting her chin upwards a few inches from her roosting spot on the ground. "I don't think the moon gave you those. Look, we've all done stupid things in life, that's normal. I'll probably do at least three more by the end of today, even Skel' can attest to that. You just seem so wound up and wired. Maybe if you talked about it, got it off your chest, you'd feel better." She says as she gives herself a long stretch of her frame once more, digging her claws into the ground. "And finding Ute' was the best thing for me as well, though how they put up with me, I don't know." She says with a teasing look over towards the Alpha. "I'll even go first if you want to hear my story of my scar."
Skelaghe has stated her piece. She does not again attempt to interupt. She has warned Wyanet to be nice, but she cannopt be here to watch the two of them all the time. If Survivor seems particularly uncomfortable, Skelaghe might speak up, of if Wyanet gets a bit too pushy, but otherwise, Skelaghe just listens. That's rather easy to do when she is honored with such flattery, after all. None of her upset from the other day is present. Wyanet is not nearly as young or as impressionablr as Rawiya.
Survivor grumbles lowly at the younger shewolf, "Scars are not a mark of pride." He shakes his head and realizes what he had just done, then droops his gaze to the ground at his paws. "I ... apologize ... Skelaghe and Wyanet. I am ... not a whole wolf." Constructive, constructive, think of something constructive to say instead of negative! He lifts his gaze to Wyanet. "Luna's covenant ... its a trust She places in her pups ... in wolfkind ... according to the beliefs I was raised with. Its more or less laws to live by. And ... regarding your scar ... I'd rather hear about your friendships than your wounds. Who makes you laugh? Who rubs your fur the wrong way? Does anyone set your heart aflutter? Does anyone inspire you? You are not a pup of Ute ...? How'd you come to join? Those things, matters of the heart, matters of living and not mere surviving ... that is what interests me and what I would like to know about you, Wyanet."
"Some scars are marks of pride. This one in particular." Wyanet says with a grin on her face as she wags her tail back and forth behind her. "It's one that I will be proud of for the rest of my life, because it's what bonded me to the Ute. It also helped me find my best friend." She says, turning her head over to peer at Skelaghe, giving her a broad grin. "Right?" She asks, thumping her tail once more against the ground. "So, who makes me laugh? I suppose Kezu does, because he's a moron. Who rubs my fur the wrong way? Everyone. My heart aflutter?" She says with a grin. "That would be Haht'. He makes me trip over my paws. Inspire? That'd be Skelaghe." She says, ticking off the answers easily, and freely enough. "And how I came to join, means you have to hear about the scar."
Survivor looks between the two of them, then back to Wyanet. He checks once more to see if sensitive young ears are about. "I took these scars because I am a murderer," he starts, flatly. "My packmates and I ... weren't even a real pack, really, just a bunch of runaway, overaged adolescents. We decided we didn't want to live by the boring rules of our whelp-packs ... we actually came from three neighboring packs, always bickering. We thought we knew better, because we could get along when our parents couldn't ... we thought we'd create our own pack. There were five of us ... myself, my younger brother and two brothers from one of the other birth-packs and and a female from the third pack. Territory was tight because of cougars ... we thought we'd come up with the perfect plan, though: kill the cougars. The cougars had kept our whelp-packs at bay, there had been skirmishes, a few lost on both sides ... but, aside from constraining our three whelp-packs to a small area, it wasn't that bad. We ... stupid youths ... decided, though, that we would completely exterminate the cougars. A male, three females ... and three very young cubs. We were sneaky, we hid for weeks, tracked their patrols, knew exactly who would be where and when. We knew we could not take them all at once, but formed a diabolical plan that would let us take them out, ganging up on each one at a time facing our full number of five, using the cubs as hostages to bait the mothers when the father of the cubs was visiting one of the other females. It started to work ... I had the task of taking the cubs while the others would hide, waiting for the mother to come whilst I held the cub, making it scream for its mother. While I held that first one, though ... we got crueler and more bloodthirsty. Killing was not enough to sate our bloodlust ... my partners in crime defeated the cub's mother, but we decided merely killing her was not enough. Before putting an end to her life, we crippled her so she couldn't move and could only watch as I very slowly ripped the flesh from her screaming cub. I ... tortured that cub ... and extended its death as long as possible." The scarred wolf droops lowly as he recalls the story, and while its clear that, at the time, he had savagely enjoyed the despicable act at the time. He pauses for a bit, his eyes closed in recollection ...
Skelaghe listens attentively to Survivor, but it's pretty clear, early on, that she is not pleased. It is not her place to judge him. Months ago, Skelaghe probably would have had an easier time, seeing past this, than she does now... But today is not months ago, and Survivor's story... Skelaghe stands up, anger burning in her eyes that she has to work to keep under control. He may think he owes this to her, that she deserves the truth... But she really wishes he never would have told her. She is a mother, and she has cared for a cougar, herself, for a long time, now. How could he have told her this and expected her to respond with anything other than judgement that it is not her place to give? "You can stop there, Survivor." It's more a command than permission. She wants to hear no more from him. "I offered you the chance to keep your past to yourself, if you wanted. Now, I am telling you. If you expect to stay here, you will keep your past to yourself. It is your burden to carry, not ours." Already,
Already, Skelaghe will have to think long and hard about whether she can forget the image that Survivor has given her, and with the anger that she is trying hard not to give into... She's not entirely certain she can.
The smile which was on Wyanet's face drops away quickly as he starts in about torturing cubs. Her jaw practically hits the ground in surprise, and anguish. Rising up to her paws, she spits out, "Be lucky I don't tear your throat out! Curr!" The fur on the back of her neck is standing up on end, her tail puffed out. Never before has she been this angry, this enraged. Baring her fangs at him, she lets out a loud growl in her throat, one that is dangerous. "I.. I'm going back to the den." She says, taking a few steps back, before giving her frame a visible shake. Turning, she bolts off at a fast pace, practically barreling through the grass. Sick to her stomach? Definitely.
Survivor answers the Alphess, "I understand. As I said ... you deserve to know. Ute is a place of peace and love, and you its steward. I have more to make amends for than can be amended, and am at your grace to learn what I refused to before. I have no right to forget what I did ... but, now that you know, now that I know that you know ... I will never again speak of it to anyone of Ute, with the exception of silent prayers to Luna for the souls I took."
Skelaghe cannot blame Wyanet for her reaction. When Skelaghe is pulled to anger, how can she possibly expect anyone else in her pack not to be? Still looking at Survivor, she says, "You'll understand much more. I accept that it was not my place then, nor is it now, to determine your punishment. But I am a mother, not only to my own pups, but to the young cougar who came here, injured and terrified of going back. By telling me what you've told me... You may as well have been the one that attacked him, and I have no love for those who would hurt my children." It was important for her to say that. She kept her voice level, but it is clear that she feels much deeper anger than she is allowing herself to express, as she knows that some of it is misplaced. "I am not telling you to leave. But until I have time to accept the memories that you are bringing to my land... You won't go any further into it."
Survivor nods. He says, "When I hear the young or curious asking about my scars, they often seem to think it was from something brave I did. That has become the most tortuous thing of all. They could never know ... I have never been brave, and being a fighter, a killer ... that is not Her way. A true wolf's heart is better than that." He shakes his head. "Nothing will not undo what I did, but ... wherever I can, whenever I can, I feel I must encourage life away from fighting. In my travels, over the past year ... I found a wolf and a cougar actually paired up ... lovers in fact," he chuckles. "They were, both of them, outcasts of course among either wolves or cougars ... but despite that, they enriched each other and they had a vibrant, almost magical harmony together. I have had many nights to think about ... everything ... this past year. Trying to figure out what it all means. I deserve no pity, I am beyond any redemption ... but maybe, just maybe I can learn, somehow, to find a way to encourage the non-warrior life, to bring the glory deserved those who live by their heart instead of their fangs."
With time, Skelaghe will probably come to accept, again, that Survivor has a place here. That this is meant to be. Perhaps... Perhaps he is even the one that can lead Rowtag against the violence her son seems to enjoy. These thoughts occupy her only very briefly today, though. Only long enough to allow her to nod her head, to indicate that she understands him. After doing so, she turns, intending to leave him. She doesn't much want to stay anywhere near him, right this moment.
Survivor returns to his solemn sit. They say curiosity kills ... but ... sometimes it is far more cruel than a merciful death. The scarred wolf does not deserve to be free of his memories, but at least he no longer hides behind a shield of mystique from the alphess. To allow her to continue to think he might be a good and decent wolf is unfathomable to him. He finds himself wishing very hard, though, that she could find it in her heart to not forgive him, but to at least allow him to find here the meaning of life he refused to acknowledge when he committed his crime. There is ... much else ... he wishes to ask and learn from the Alphess, but knows it will be some time before she could even fathom listening to his voice again now.
Clover Lawn
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A carpet of prairie clover spans outward in all directions. In the summer, reddish purple and white blossoms spring up, attracting bees and butterflies from all over. Grass has tried, with only limited success, to overrun the area; blades poke up around the fringes, where they've charged down the hill from the northeast. Dandelions, as well as a few vine weeds, have also claimed their presence here. But the clover holds fast. Sitting conspicuously in the midst of all the greenage, are three moss-infested boulders of increasing height, set in a loose circle.
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Characters:
Skelaghe, shewolf and alphess of Ute
Wyanet, shewolf and member of Ute
Survivor, male and new pledgeling-omega of Ute
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Survivor is in a state of consternation. He readily and respectfully submits to others, as a pledgeling-omega should, but is much less relaxed than he had at first meeting the Alphess just a few days prior. His posture is tense, his expression solemn, and he sits quietly, gazing straight ahead at a rise in the clover patch as the breeze ripples through, causing the prairie-clover on the rise to sway and dance. Overall, he gives the impression of one who is very disappointed and sorely feeling a failure.
Skelaghe has already spoken to Wyanet this mornin. The details were... Well, scarcely worthy of being called details. Still, Skelaghe does not seem to be alarmed as she returns to the clover field. It takes effort, yet. There's some part of her that feels that, if she were to have her way, no one new would ever be allowed near her pups. She's working past it, though. As she walks through the clover field, she keeps an eye out for either Survivor or Jage, since she must talk to both of them.
Survivor is not hiding, as is is rather hard to not notice ... a hard, scarred wolf sitting erectly in a field of soft, sweet clover, almost like a statue. The fur remaining on his body ripples in the breeze, as the strands of clover and grass do across the Clover Lawn. Lost in whatever thought causes him to gaze so solidly, he is several degrees oblivious to the material world around him, including the approaching Alphess.
As Skelaghe approaches, she lets out a bark to annouce her approach. She does not, after all, want to sneak up on and startle him. Even having done that, she stops a short distance back, yet. She does not speak immediately, rather, waiting until it is obvious she has his attention. Months ago, had a wolf appeared so deep in thought as Survivor does, Skelaghe would have hesitated to ever interrupt. It's one more of the many ways she has changed, or else, it's just a symptom of her getting older. She no longer has as much time to spend on waiting as she did when she was younger.
Survivor is brought back to awareness by the alphess' call. He rises from his sit, tucking his tail tightly under himself. As badly as he fears he has betrayed his duties as a pack member, new or no, understandably unfamiliar with whom is friend and whom is intruder or no, and as puppy-like as he may seem to be in so many ways, his lesson on punishment and his recognition of his own sins refuses to allow him the comfort of hesitating to confess news that may cost him his welcome. He strides up to the Alphess, and as he gets near, droops to a guilty slink. "Blessings of the day to you, Alphess," Survivor greets. "I am afraid I have troubling news ... I fear I may have allowed an intruder unchallenged in the lands of the Ute ... a young black wolf, with liver fringes. He bore a Tobba, a sun on his left shoulder with a blue crescent Moon at its center. He came upon me here, on this very spot, from those boulders," he points with his muzzle. "I assumed he was a pack member, since I still have yet to acquaint with most of my newly kindred packmates in the Ute. He claimed to be familiar with you, but refused to give me his name. He then said he was unfamiliar with the Ute ... I had my guard fully down, as I had mis-assumed he was a member of Ute I had merely not yet met. He disappeared, quite stealthily, back over the boulders. I howled thrice for help, and Kezu, Hahtalekin and Wyanet came promptly. When I explained what I had just seen, I gave what aid I could to Kezu and Hahtalekin to persue the apparent intruder ... but he seemed to leave no trail behind, no faintest whiff of a scent even in the exact spots I had seen him on the boulders, and we could find no pawed-down trails through the grass. Kezu and Hahtalekin exhaustively searched with me, but we were unable to pick up his trail ... we searched all evening, but the intruder completely evaded us. I have ... never before ... encountered such stealth, not from a wolf anyhow."
Well. There are more details there than what Wyanet gave her. Of course, ti can be difficult to discuss details when pups are trying to crawl on top of you. If the details are anything that would cause Skelaghe to revoke her welcome, though, she doesn't show it. Indeed, she appears... sympathetic? "Calm down, Survivor, and stand. You've done nothing wrong." Has she truly given herself time to think about who that wolf must be? No. It doesn't really much matter, right now. She didn't even actually come here for those details she missed from Wyanet, but rather, to check in on Survivor and make sure he was all right.
Survivor glances and listens intently around to see if innocent ears are about, for whom what he is about to say may not be appropriate for them to hear. As would-be-stealthy-pups fortunately do not *yet* seem to be within earshot, Survivor shifts his gaze up to just below the alphess' eyes. "You have impressed me greatly, Alphess, with your wisdom and judgement ... but on the subject of whether I have done anything wrong, I fear I have cowardly kept you in the dark, and you are not aware of things. I have been less than forthcoming with you, Alphess, things you have a right, a need to know and I have an obligation to not hide atrocious crimes I committed in the past that earned my ... punishment."
Making her way towards the lawn is Wyanet, yawning loudly as her jaws split open wide. She spent the night in the den with the pups, waiting for the boys to come home from their hunt, and in search of this mysterious ninja wolf without a scent. She doesn't appear to be too worried though, if anything, it seems she finally got a full night of sleep, so perhaps, she won't be as snarly as she was last evening. "Good morning!" She calls out with a bright smile, flopping down at Skel's side, then promptly leans in to flop her head against her Alpha's shoulder, half lidding her eyes for a moment. As she catches up with the rest of the conversation, at least the tail end, she grows quiet, ears twitching some as she sleepily peeks at Survivor.
Does she want to ask? Of course she does. Whatever happens to her, Skelaghe has seldom passed up an opportunity to learn some new story. This is different, though. "Whenever you wish to speak to me, Survivor, my ears will always be open." As they are when Wyanet speaks. Skelaghe spares Wyanet only a brief glance before turning her attention back to Survivor for the time being, as this must be said. "If I had wanted answers from you, though, I would have asked the questions when we first met. Whatever has happened in your past... You learned the lessons you had to learn." And that's all the more that matters, to Skelaghe. After she finishs speaking, she turns her head to nuzzle Wyanet. There. Greeting.
Survivor glances over to the young shewolf, then back to Skelaghe. "I believe there are things you must know, Alphess ... but, perhaps, not when tender ears are about." He forces himself to a more relaxed posture as Wyanet gets close. "Good morning, Wyanet!" he softly calls to the lass.
"Tender ears about? What are you talking about? I think the three of us here all know about hardship." Wyanet says with a smirk upon her face as she gives Skelaghe another nuzzle to the shoulder, then sprawls out on her stomach, chin resting across her paws. "So, how'd you get all the scars, Survivor?" She asks point blankly. "You tangle with a bear or something?" Of course she is curious, she happens to enjoy stories about scars. "I only got the ear right now." She motions upwards to her head.
Skelaghe could have predicted that Wyanet would say something about Survivor's claim there way be tender ears around. That she predicted it so well causes her a slight smile. She doesn't speak to Wyanet, save to nudge her with a shoulder. There is a reason Skelaghe does not ask difficult questions if she can avoid it. From everything she has said, so far, it ought to be clear to Survivor that he should not feel he /has/ to answer, so she does not bother to say it again.
Survivor hesitates several long moments before answering Wyanet, forcing himself to consider a wiser answer than he previously had. "I broke Luna's covenant," he finally comes to answer her. There ... no mis-understanding punishment as a parent might swat their pup to the point of leaving such scars, which he figures is what bothered the Alphess about his previous attempt to answer. Still, having said it, he fears it still was the wrong thing to say ... he is torn between desiring to ignore his natural wish to avoid repercussions from his crimes, and knowing however well-intentioned honesty can be, that an honest expression of unpleasantness can unduly harm the young. "I have never truly been misfortunate, Wyanet ... I would not say I know undue hardship. On the contrary, I have more blessings than I deserve ... finding Ute, for instance."
"What is Luna's covenant?" Wyanet asks with a curious look on her face, lifting her chin upwards a few inches from her roosting spot on the ground. "I don't think the moon gave you those. Look, we've all done stupid things in life, that's normal. I'll probably do at least three more by the end of today, even Skel' can attest to that. You just seem so wound up and wired. Maybe if you talked about it, got it off your chest, you'd feel better." She says as she gives herself a long stretch of her frame once more, digging her claws into the ground. "And finding Ute' was the best thing for me as well, though how they put up with me, I don't know." She says with a teasing look over towards the Alpha. "I'll even go first if you want to hear my story of my scar."
Skelaghe has stated her piece. She does not again attempt to interupt. She has warned Wyanet to be nice, but she cannopt be here to watch the two of them all the time. If Survivor seems particularly uncomfortable, Skelaghe might speak up, of if Wyanet gets a bit too pushy, but otherwise, Skelaghe just listens. That's rather easy to do when she is honored with such flattery, after all. None of her upset from the other day is present. Wyanet is not nearly as young or as impressionablr as Rawiya.
Survivor grumbles lowly at the younger shewolf, "Scars are not a mark of pride." He shakes his head and realizes what he had just done, then droops his gaze to the ground at his paws. "I ... apologize ... Skelaghe and Wyanet. I am ... not a whole wolf." Constructive, constructive, think of something constructive to say instead of negative! He lifts his gaze to Wyanet. "Luna's covenant ... its a trust She places in her pups ... in wolfkind ... according to the beliefs I was raised with. Its more or less laws to live by. And ... regarding your scar ... I'd rather hear about your friendships than your wounds. Who makes you laugh? Who rubs your fur the wrong way? Does anyone set your heart aflutter? Does anyone inspire you? You are not a pup of Ute ...? How'd you come to join? Those things, matters of the heart, matters of living and not mere surviving ... that is what interests me and what I would like to know about you, Wyanet."
"Some scars are marks of pride. This one in particular." Wyanet says with a grin on her face as she wags her tail back and forth behind her. "It's one that I will be proud of for the rest of my life, because it's what bonded me to the Ute. It also helped me find my best friend." She says, turning her head over to peer at Skelaghe, giving her a broad grin. "Right?" She asks, thumping her tail once more against the ground. "So, who makes me laugh? I suppose Kezu does, because he's a moron. Who rubs my fur the wrong way? Everyone. My heart aflutter?" She says with a grin. "That would be Haht'. He makes me trip over my paws. Inspire? That'd be Skelaghe." She says, ticking off the answers easily, and freely enough. "And how I came to join, means you have to hear about the scar."
Survivor looks between the two of them, then back to Wyanet. He checks once more to see if sensitive young ears are about. "I took these scars because I am a murderer," he starts, flatly. "My packmates and I ... weren't even a real pack, really, just a bunch of runaway, overaged adolescents. We decided we didn't want to live by the boring rules of our whelp-packs ... we actually came from three neighboring packs, always bickering. We thought we knew better, because we could get along when our parents couldn't ... we thought we'd create our own pack. There were five of us ... myself, my younger brother and two brothers from one of the other birth-packs and and a female from the third pack. Territory was tight because of cougars ... we thought we'd come up with the perfect plan, though: kill the cougars. The cougars had kept our whelp-packs at bay, there had been skirmishes, a few lost on both sides ... but, aside from constraining our three whelp-packs to a small area, it wasn't that bad. We ... stupid youths ... decided, though, that we would completely exterminate the cougars. A male, three females ... and three very young cubs. We were sneaky, we hid for weeks, tracked their patrols, knew exactly who would be where and when. We knew we could not take them all at once, but formed a diabolical plan that would let us take them out, ganging up on each one at a time facing our full number of five, using the cubs as hostages to bait the mothers when the father of the cubs was visiting one of the other females. It started to work ... I had the task of taking the cubs while the others would hide, waiting for the mother to come whilst I held the cub, making it scream for its mother. While I held that first one, though ... we got crueler and more bloodthirsty. Killing was not enough to sate our bloodlust ... my partners in crime defeated the cub's mother, but we decided merely killing her was not enough. Before putting an end to her life, we crippled her so she couldn't move and could only watch as I very slowly ripped the flesh from her screaming cub. I ... tortured that cub ... and extended its death as long as possible." The scarred wolf droops lowly as he recalls the story, and while its clear that, at the time, he had savagely enjoyed the despicable act at the time. He pauses for a bit, his eyes closed in recollection ...
Skelaghe listens attentively to Survivor, but it's pretty clear, early on, that she is not pleased. It is not her place to judge him. Months ago, Skelaghe probably would have had an easier time, seeing past this, than she does now... But today is not months ago, and Survivor's story... Skelaghe stands up, anger burning in her eyes that she has to work to keep under control. He may think he owes this to her, that she deserves the truth... But she really wishes he never would have told her. She is a mother, and she has cared for a cougar, herself, for a long time, now. How could he have told her this and expected her to respond with anything other than judgement that it is not her place to give? "You can stop there, Survivor." It's more a command than permission. She wants to hear no more from him. "I offered you the chance to keep your past to yourself, if you wanted. Now, I am telling you. If you expect to stay here, you will keep your past to yourself. It is your burden to carry, not ours." Already,
Already, Skelaghe will have to think long and hard about whether she can forget the image that Survivor has given her, and with the anger that she is trying hard not to give into... She's not entirely certain she can.
The smile which was on Wyanet's face drops away quickly as he starts in about torturing cubs. Her jaw practically hits the ground in surprise, and anguish. Rising up to her paws, she spits out, "Be lucky I don't tear your throat out! Curr!" The fur on the back of her neck is standing up on end, her tail puffed out. Never before has she been this angry, this enraged. Baring her fangs at him, she lets out a loud growl in her throat, one that is dangerous. "I.. I'm going back to the den." She says, taking a few steps back, before giving her frame a visible shake. Turning, she bolts off at a fast pace, practically barreling through the grass. Sick to her stomach? Definitely.
Survivor answers the Alphess, "I understand. As I said ... you deserve to know. Ute is a place of peace and love, and you its steward. I have more to make amends for than can be amended, and am at your grace to learn what I refused to before. I have no right to forget what I did ... but, now that you know, now that I know that you know ... I will never again speak of it to anyone of Ute, with the exception of silent prayers to Luna for the souls I took."
Skelaghe cannot blame Wyanet for her reaction. When Skelaghe is pulled to anger, how can she possibly expect anyone else in her pack not to be? Still looking at Survivor, she says, "You'll understand much more. I accept that it was not my place then, nor is it now, to determine your punishment. But I am a mother, not only to my own pups, but to the young cougar who came here, injured and terrified of going back. By telling me what you've told me... You may as well have been the one that attacked him, and I have no love for those who would hurt my children." It was important for her to say that. She kept her voice level, but it is clear that she feels much deeper anger than she is allowing herself to express, as she knows that some of it is misplaced. "I am not telling you to leave. But until I have time to accept the memories that you are bringing to my land... You won't go any further into it."
Survivor nods. He says, "When I hear the young or curious asking about my scars, they often seem to think it was from something brave I did. That has become the most tortuous thing of all. They could never know ... I have never been brave, and being a fighter, a killer ... that is not Her way. A true wolf's heart is better than that." He shakes his head. "Nothing will not undo what I did, but ... wherever I can, whenever I can, I feel I must encourage life away from fighting. In my travels, over the past year ... I found a wolf and a cougar actually paired up ... lovers in fact," he chuckles. "They were, both of them, outcasts of course among either wolves or cougars ... but despite that, they enriched each other and they had a vibrant, almost magical harmony together. I have had many nights to think about ... everything ... this past year. Trying to figure out what it all means. I deserve no pity, I am beyond any redemption ... but maybe, just maybe I can learn, somehow, to find a way to encourage the non-warrior life, to bring the glory deserved those who live by their heart instead of their fangs."
With time, Skelaghe will probably come to accept, again, that Survivor has a place here. That this is meant to be. Perhaps... Perhaps he is even the one that can lead Rowtag against the violence her son seems to enjoy. These thoughts occupy her only very briefly today, though. Only long enough to allow her to nod her head, to indicate that she understands him. After doing so, she turns, intending to leave him. She doesn't much want to stay anywhere near him, right this moment.
Survivor returns to his solemn sit. They say curiosity kills ... but ... sometimes it is far more cruel than a merciful death. The scarred wolf does not deserve to be free of his memories, but at least he no longer hides behind a shield of mystique from the alphess. To allow her to continue to think he might be a good and decent wolf is unfathomable to him. He finds himself wishing very hard, though, that she could find it in her heart to not forgive him, but to at least allow him to find here the meaning of life he refused to acknowledge when he committed his crime. There is ... much else ... he wishes to ask and learn from the Alphess, but knows it will be some time before she could even fathom listening to his voice again now.