Post by Pavane on Apr 5, 2012 13:23:11 GMT -5
Ahiga - male adolescent wolf
Ikuna - male adolescent wolf
---Clover Lawn---
It's snowing. That's nothing new. It's deep in winter now and the coldness is now an accustomed thing. With his thick coat, it doesn't bother Ahiga too badly, though there are times when even he feels a bit chilled. And what better way to keep warm than by moving around? That's what Ahiga is doing now as he moves through the frozen lawn at a meandering pace, no real destination in mind, and mind somewhere faroff. Maybe on cats. Maybe on dogs. There's weird stuff going on. His tail swishes from side to side, his walk having a sort of rhythmic look to it as he hums some wordless song.
Aww, look. Someone's gone and built a snow-wolf by the tall rocks, a third heap of snow by them. It has pokey ears and everything. ... ... ... Waaaaaaait a minute, that snow-wolf contains actual wolf! There's an Ikuna there, he's just been sitting out for so long that he's pretty much covered in snow, from ears to whiskers to tail. Sitting. Staring. Thinking.
Hrm. What is that odd shaped thing over yonder? Ahiga's ears prick as he gets closer to those rocks, seeing an unusual fourth lump nearby. His humming fades as he redirects his walk that way. This could be an enemy! A spy! A DOG! What did Tala say? Female dogs in heat to lure males away. To be on the safe side, he holds his breath, eyes narrowing as he gets closer. Closer. Clos-..It's Ikuna! Recognizing his snow-covered friend, he puffs out his held breath and snickers, trotting up to him. "Hey. How come you're always lookin' like a snow monster?" he quips, nudging his shoulder when close enough.
Ikuna turns his head toward Ahiga, and smiles, then gives himself a little shake. It's not very effective. The wolf is still mostly covered in snow as he nudges back at the other young male. "Maybe I am one. Grr, rawr, the spirit of snow reborn." He grins, lopsided, and then gives his head another shake to scatter (some) of the snow.
Ahiga snickers at his half baked attempt at ridding himself of snow. "Might as well give it up, Ikuna. You're gonna be a snow beast til spring. Don't even think about comin' in the den with your new coat of snow. You'll make everything soggy." He plops himself on his haunches at his side, glancing in the direction in which he was starting. "What're you doing? Must've been sittin' out here for a while to let all that happen," he says, gestring with his nose to the layer of snow upon him.
Ikuna snorts, and... lets the snow be. New drifts start forming between his ears. "Just been thinkin'," he says with a shrug, glancing out again at the nothing-much of frozen world. "Came out here after my morning patrol." His... morning patrol. Yeah. The sun isn't even in the right half of the sky for that. Not too much longer, and it won't even _be_ in the sky.
Ahiga glances at him, glances to the sky, then looks back at him again with a lightly cocked brow. "Uh...really?" he says skeptically. "Must've been some hard core thinkin' Ikuna, cuz it's past dinnertime." He tilts his head to one side, watching him expectnantly. He licks at his own nose, ridding it of a bit of snow before he lifts a paw to lightly bump the back of it against his leg. "Wanna talk about it?"
Ikuna glances to the sky himself, and sighs. "Been a lot to think about," he says, not quite looking at Ahiga as he says it. More staring at his own paws, or maybe the snow around. It's certainly been long enough that none of his tracks are showing. He's quiet for a few moments. "Hey Ahiga? What's the first thing you remember? Like... really remember, not just fuzzy baby thoughts."
Ah, Ahiga can relate to that. He's had plenty to think about himself, though he can only imagine that if his own thoughts are a jumbled mess, Ikuna's must be even more troubling, for Ikuna is a thinker. So he nods in reply and does not break the silence, knowing that sometimes silence with company is enough. His eyes turn forward as his body relaxes, though at the somewhat...odd question, he looks at his friend again with a curious expression. "The first thing? Wow, uh..." he pauses, having to think back. "I remember...my mom. But I guess that'd count as fuzzy, cuz I remember her face, mostly, but not her voice or how she smelled or anything like that." Another pause. "I guess the first real thing I remember is meeting you guys. You, Tala, Asku. Walkin' up the hill cuz that's what I was told to do, and seeing you all." His ears perk. "Why?"
Ikuna listens to Ahiga with his head slightly tilted, and with a smile. "I remember that," he says, and the smile brightens... and then fades somewhat. "But... it's not my first thing. 'Cause the first thing I remember was my dad. Yellin' at Mori, only I didn't understand why back then. Just... him being mad. And it seems like..." He goes quiet again, biting at his lip. "I wonder what he'd think, sometimes. He knew a lot about how wolves... are supposed to be. So... I wonder what... what he'd say."
"Hey, it's cool that you remember your dad," Ahiga chimes in with a grin. "That's one thing I don't have. I tried remembering ever havin' a dad around, but I don't think I did. Jus' mom. Whoever she was," said with a healthy amount of sarcasm, but his joking expression fades as Ikuna goes on, brows furrowing slightly in attempt to understand. "What'd he say...about what?" he asks, head shaking. "We're doin' exactly what we're supposed to, Ikuna. We're watchin' the pups. We're hunting. Hell, we're even keepin' friends with Cerulean. Your dad wouldn't have anything bad to say."
About what, indeed! Ikuna sighs, his gaze skittering away and going out over the snowscape again. "Yeah. I guess so," he says, unconvinced wolf. He's had the talk about where puppies come from, but not any talks to explain how he's been feeling this past season and a half. Love is for boys and girls. And when you do love wrong... it's a bad thing that makes for angry wolves. So Ikuna broods in his unhappier moments, at least. He steals a glance at Ahiga, and then quickly away. "I'm tryin' to do the right things, anyway."
Ahiga doesn't get it. From his viewpoint, he can't see a single thing that Ikuna has done /wrong/ that would justify him stressing over doing the right things. "Hey, no wonder you're a snow wolf every time I see ya," he remarks as he lifts a paw to poke at his side. "You think too much, an' it's over stuff you don't even have to worry about. If you ask /me/, you're already doin' the right things, and anybody would say the same thing."
Ikuna whffs softly at the nudge to his side, and tilts his head over to look at Ahiga as the other wolf speaks. There's a little bit of a frown brewing at the corners of his muzzle, and mostly... well, mostly it's for himself. Of course Ahiga doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. Ahiga doesn't know. That much is obvious, 'cause if Ahiga knew... well, there'd be something bad, that's for sure. And if Ahiga doesn't know, well... that's Ikuna's fault. He's been lying, even if he hasn't said anything actually false. So he'll fix it. He has to. Ikuna takes a big deep breath, and then... lets it out in a long sigh. This is hard! Couldn't he just go battle a wolverine instead? Or maybe a whole pack of those crazed dogs? He takes in a smaller breath, and tries again. "I." Well, yes, that's a start, but he's going to have to say more than that. Try again, wolf. "I think there's... something wrong with me."
I... ? Ahiga waits in slight anticipation. Ikuna has something to say, and it's obviously something that's bothering him. Thus, Ahiga is giving him all his attention, though he's beginning to feel slightly uneasy. This doesn't feel right. This must be some sort of bad news else Ikuna wouldn't be so ... cryptic. He also wouldn't sound so downtrodden either. And so he hangs on to that spoken 'I' with a feeling of trepidation, and....oh, here it comes. The bad news! Something is wrong with Ikuna! His ears raise in alarm, and he blinks once, digesting that. Interpreting it. "..You're sick?" he asks, eyes widening a little. "What's wrong? Did you eat something bad? Was it a dog? Did one pass through here?" Everyone (but Anoki) knows that dogs carry weird diseases that make them slow in the head. Has this been passed along to Ikuna somehow? He rises to his paws now and begins to check him over, sniffing at his nose, leaning up to do the same to his ear, then his neck, expression one of concerned concentration.
Ikuna shakes his head slowly, though he doesn't attempt to avoid Ahiga's check. His scent certainly shows nothing the matter, not more than his posture already said; he's not a happy wolf, but there's none of the sharpness of infection or the sourness of illness. His nose is appropriately cold and wet, his ear flickers the right way at the sniffs. "'m not sick," he says. "And I haven't seen any dogs." So much for, y'know, making sense. "I'm just... wrong. I feel the wrong stuff. I think about it, even if I try not to. I tried... thinking the right stuff, and... I don't want it. I just don't. I'm wrong in... in the head. Like Anoki or somethin', only even he's not wrong like this." It. Wrong stuff. Right stuff. Wow, Ikuna, can you be any more obtuse?
Everything smells just fine. There's no sickness plaguing his best friend, and for that Ahiga is glad. But the mystery still remains, and Ikuna still is making little to no sense. Snorting out a breath, Ahiga steps back and locks eyes with him. "D'you feel like hurtin' us?" he asks bluntly, brows lowered. "D'you feel like hurtin' me, or Tala? Or Skahla, or the pups? No, you don't. I know you don't cuz I know you, Ikuna. If you're not feelin' like hurtin' us or leavin' us, then whatever you're feelin' or thinkin' isn't wrong. It's wrong to hurt your pack, an' it's wrong to be against your pack. Anoki's just sort've weird. You're not. I've known you like, most've my life. I never thought you were weird."
Ikuna's eyes startle wide. "No!" he says. Of course he isn't going to hurt his own pack, that'd be crazy! Like real crazy, like rabid wolverine that had also gone crazy crazy. For a moment, wide-eyed, he just looks at Ahiga, and it seems like maybe the words are starting to sink in. "...but." Always with the but. "I... I want you to be happy. You, and Tala... and the rest of the pack. I would never ever want to hurt you. I... don't want to stand against you, I _don't_," and he's insisting on it awful hard, his posture all earnest and still half-shocked. "But... I... I'm scared I will. I... I don't have the madness or anything. 'm not gonna bite. I just... I...." He trails off, and then he closes his eyes, keeping them shut as he tries to speak again. "You. Y'know how you feel when there's a pretty girl, when your chest gets fluttery and your paws feel huge and like your ears are gonna fall off if you open your mouth but you can't help yourself?" Or your ears start to glow enough to melt the snow, alternatively. As now. Ikuna somehow manages to keep going regardless. "I. I. I don't get that for girls."
"Dork, I /am/ happy," Ahiga insists, but he forces himself into silence after that, allowing Ikuna to continue. He gradually settles back down onto his haunches, sitting in front of the other young male as opposed to beside him, trying to read his face. His posture. All the while listening to the flow of his broken and stuttered words. He's patient and does not interrupt, but when hies eyss close, he almost does, but Ikuna's next spoken word keeps him silent. You. You as in...him? He blinks. What did he do? There's a brief look of incomprehension, not that Ikuna sees it. But..ah. He understands the feeling that he describes. Ahiga has been feeling much of that, and a bit of his worry begins to dissipate, even when he gets to the end. "Hey, it's alright that you don't feel that way right now. You're lucky. All it does is make ya feel like a huge idiot in front've a good lookin' girl. But I bet you'll start feelin' it in spring. Remember how back when we visited Cerulean a while ago, Anoki was tellin' us how everyone was actin' weird with each other? It'll get that way for you," said encouragingly with a grin. Because really, what else could Ikuna mean by that?
Ikuna's tail is flat against the ground, his ears tilted back with worry - though he's clearly still comfortable at a very fundamental level with Ahiga, or he wouldn't be closing his eyes with his head lifted up to expose his neck. And his tail does quiver slightly as Ahiga declares his happiness. Ikuna's just, well... stressed. Worried he's doing things wrong. He cracks open one eye as Ahiga tries to reassure him that it's all cool and he'll feel that soon enough, and then his ears flatten back against his skull for a moment as he all but whines. "I... I do feel it. A lot."
"..You do?" Now he's thoroughly confused! Ahiga is sure that he's missed or is missing something rather important, but the subject matter and conversaion just aren't matching up very well. And the only clarifying question that comes to his mind is a very short one. "For who?" This may be the source of his dilemma. The only females in Ute are relatives of his, and if he's getting twitterpated over Tala...well, that would pose multiple problems!! And if not Tala, then...Wachiwa? That would be a less traumatic answer, yet still troubling. There's Asku to worry about, plus the fact that Wachiwa's like, almost a mother to them all. Maybe it's a Cerulean wolf? But even if any of those options was the correct guess, it still wouldn't make sense for him to say he doesn't get that way for girls, and then turn around and declare his love for one.
Here it is. The moment of truth. The moment he... says... says.... The last time Ikuna got this close, he turned tail and ran away. It is tempting. It is so tempting, but no. He won't. He mustn't run away. He mustn't run away. He just has to say this. It's not much. Just a few words... He's not sure he can manage a few words. Okay then. Simpler. One word. Just one word. That's all he has to say. He closes his eyes tight for a moment, and then decides he can't bear the suspense and opens them again, looking at Ahiga as he manages to push out that one, single, solitary, oh-so-hard word. "You."
Such a one wordered response can only be replied to with just a single word. "..What?" Of all the names and scenarios that have run through his mind during those agonizing moments of silence, Ahiga never once put himself in the equation. Him? .. /Him?/ The puzzled look on his face says more than words could. There's no anger or disgust. How can one feel that way towards something one has never faced before? Merely utter, total, pure confusion. He blinks, then stares, hoping that something on the face of his friend will make that answer...make sense. How in the world could /he/ give Ikuna the same feelings that Tala gives him? The moment of shock lasts the lengths of many heartbeats before he shakes his head, bringing himself out of his stupor. "No. No way, I'm a guy. That's not how it's.." He pauses, brows furrowing and ears falling back. "No, I get it, Ikuna. It's just like what I said before," he says quickly, ears pressing forward again. "There aren't any girls here for you, so you /think/ it's me, but it's not. You jus'...jus' need to find a girl, that's all."
Confusion? Okay. Ikuna can handle confusion. He's certainly felt enough of it himself, over these many months of trying to figure out his feelings. His face in return is an earnest one, a hopeful one; a face that says that, yes, this is so weird but it's true and... and... "I know," he says, dropping his gaze. "It's wrong, and it's not in any of the stories anywhere, and... but... it's how I feel. I've seen girls. Other girls, not just like Tala an' Chewy. Like in Cerulean. And... I've seen other guys, too." He looks aside, and the splay of his ears and their slight reddening says more than his words can manage. He glances up to Ahiga briefly, his expression... forced calm. Like a thin sheet of ice over treacherous water. "It's just somethin' wrong with me. I... want you'n Tala to be happy."
Cerulean has girls. Ahiga is already making a quick plan. They could go there again...hopefully the Alphas aren't sick of their random visits...and get acquainted with the female populat-...wait. Ikuna /has/ seen their females...and males. His eyes drift to those blushed ears of his, and he glances away soon after, eyeing the snow covered ground. "Oh.." Well there goes that plan and assumption that his pal just needs a bit of exposure. The question burns on the top pf his tongue, dying to be asked: What's not to like about females? They way they talk, the way they look, how they smell, the sound of their laugh.. Ahiga's all for it. But it's choked back, for the question could be a dangerous one. He now realizes that all this time, Ikuna has been battling with this, and the wrong words could be destructive in many ways. "I..dunno why you keep sayin' that, Ikuna. Why wouldn't Tala and I be happy? You're...you're my best friend...no matter what. There's nothin' wrong with you. You're just...uh, you're just...different." A pause, and he takes in a breath, lifting his head a bit in a show of confidence. "We'll deal."
Ikuna keeps his eyes on Ahiga, like the other wolf is the narrow log that keeps him from tumbling onto the thin ice and crashing through to drown. The wolf that fights wolverines and guards the pups... is fragile now, in this. His loyalties are conflicted with his feelings, his wants to tangled together as to be uncertain... but there's still something. Best friends. Yeah. They always have been, back (nearly) so long as he can remember. And now Ahiga knows... about him... and is is still willing to be his friend. No matter what. Ikuna nods, the worry in his posture relaxing a little. Even if he can't have what he, aheheh, wants... he still has his friend. This being wrong... different... can't take that away. Ikuna takes his own breath, time almost the same as Ahiga's, and then meets the other wolf's eyes. "Y-yeah. Okay." He swallows, and says, "Thanks," before he leans forward with a nuzzle for Ahiga's cheek.
This will take some mulling over. With that one admission, a thousand questions fill Ahiga's mind, but none of them are going to be asked on this evening. Some may never. And likely, poor Ikuna may not have all the answers, for he's right. Never before have they heard of this in any of the stories of their childhood, so what kind of answers could he really hope for to help him...understand what Ikuna is feeling and why? He's broken from his thoughts at the sound of his voice, and he smiles, returning the nuzzle as he has a zillion times before, but now he can't help but the wonder what's going through Ikuna's mind. Is it the same stuff that goes through his mind when he nuzzles Tala? The same pull to be ever closer? How can that be? He doesn't get it! He pulls back and rises to his paws. "Come on, I bet everyone's in the den. It's snowin' too much. Let's go home." He might not get Ikuna's romantic feelings, but the old friendship is still there.
At least the friendship is there. At least Ahiga still returns that nuzzle, and it's still a comforting thing... even if there's maybe a tiny hint of weird. Still. Ikuna smiles, and he nods before getting up as well. "Yeah. Let's go home." There will be time enough for all those questions, and maybe - maybe! - even some answers. For now... they're still friends. They're going home. It's enough... for now.
Ikuna - male adolescent wolf
---Clover Lawn---
It's snowing. That's nothing new. It's deep in winter now and the coldness is now an accustomed thing. With his thick coat, it doesn't bother Ahiga too badly, though there are times when even he feels a bit chilled. And what better way to keep warm than by moving around? That's what Ahiga is doing now as he moves through the frozen lawn at a meandering pace, no real destination in mind, and mind somewhere faroff. Maybe on cats. Maybe on dogs. There's weird stuff going on. His tail swishes from side to side, his walk having a sort of rhythmic look to it as he hums some wordless song.
Aww, look. Someone's gone and built a snow-wolf by the tall rocks, a third heap of snow by them. It has pokey ears and everything. ... ... ... Waaaaaaait a minute, that snow-wolf contains actual wolf! There's an Ikuna there, he's just been sitting out for so long that he's pretty much covered in snow, from ears to whiskers to tail. Sitting. Staring. Thinking.
Hrm. What is that odd shaped thing over yonder? Ahiga's ears prick as he gets closer to those rocks, seeing an unusual fourth lump nearby. His humming fades as he redirects his walk that way. This could be an enemy! A spy! A DOG! What did Tala say? Female dogs in heat to lure males away. To be on the safe side, he holds his breath, eyes narrowing as he gets closer. Closer. Clos-..It's Ikuna! Recognizing his snow-covered friend, he puffs out his held breath and snickers, trotting up to him. "Hey. How come you're always lookin' like a snow monster?" he quips, nudging his shoulder when close enough.
Ikuna turns his head toward Ahiga, and smiles, then gives himself a little shake. It's not very effective. The wolf is still mostly covered in snow as he nudges back at the other young male. "Maybe I am one. Grr, rawr, the spirit of snow reborn." He grins, lopsided, and then gives his head another shake to scatter (some) of the snow.
Ahiga snickers at his half baked attempt at ridding himself of snow. "Might as well give it up, Ikuna. You're gonna be a snow beast til spring. Don't even think about comin' in the den with your new coat of snow. You'll make everything soggy." He plops himself on his haunches at his side, glancing in the direction in which he was starting. "What're you doing? Must've been sittin' out here for a while to let all that happen," he says, gestring with his nose to the layer of snow upon him.
Ikuna snorts, and... lets the snow be. New drifts start forming between his ears. "Just been thinkin'," he says with a shrug, glancing out again at the nothing-much of frozen world. "Came out here after my morning patrol." His... morning patrol. Yeah. The sun isn't even in the right half of the sky for that. Not too much longer, and it won't even _be_ in the sky.
Ahiga glances at him, glances to the sky, then looks back at him again with a lightly cocked brow. "Uh...really?" he says skeptically. "Must've been some hard core thinkin' Ikuna, cuz it's past dinnertime." He tilts his head to one side, watching him expectnantly. He licks at his own nose, ridding it of a bit of snow before he lifts a paw to lightly bump the back of it against his leg. "Wanna talk about it?"
Ikuna glances to the sky himself, and sighs. "Been a lot to think about," he says, not quite looking at Ahiga as he says it. More staring at his own paws, or maybe the snow around. It's certainly been long enough that none of his tracks are showing. He's quiet for a few moments. "Hey Ahiga? What's the first thing you remember? Like... really remember, not just fuzzy baby thoughts."
Ah, Ahiga can relate to that. He's had plenty to think about himself, though he can only imagine that if his own thoughts are a jumbled mess, Ikuna's must be even more troubling, for Ikuna is a thinker. So he nods in reply and does not break the silence, knowing that sometimes silence with company is enough. His eyes turn forward as his body relaxes, though at the somewhat...odd question, he looks at his friend again with a curious expression. "The first thing? Wow, uh..." he pauses, having to think back. "I remember...my mom. But I guess that'd count as fuzzy, cuz I remember her face, mostly, but not her voice or how she smelled or anything like that." Another pause. "I guess the first real thing I remember is meeting you guys. You, Tala, Asku. Walkin' up the hill cuz that's what I was told to do, and seeing you all." His ears perk. "Why?"
Ikuna listens to Ahiga with his head slightly tilted, and with a smile. "I remember that," he says, and the smile brightens... and then fades somewhat. "But... it's not my first thing. 'Cause the first thing I remember was my dad. Yellin' at Mori, only I didn't understand why back then. Just... him being mad. And it seems like..." He goes quiet again, biting at his lip. "I wonder what he'd think, sometimes. He knew a lot about how wolves... are supposed to be. So... I wonder what... what he'd say."
"Hey, it's cool that you remember your dad," Ahiga chimes in with a grin. "That's one thing I don't have. I tried remembering ever havin' a dad around, but I don't think I did. Jus' mom. Whoever she was," said with a healthy amount of sarcasm, but his joking expression fades as Ikuna goes on, brows furrowing slightly in attempt to understand. "What'd he say...about what?" he asks, head shaking. "We're doin' exactly what we're supposed to, Ikuna. We're watchin' the pups. We're hunting. Hell, we're even keepin' friends with Cerulean. Your dad wouldn't have anything bad to say."
About what, indeed! Ikuna sighs, his gaze skittering away and going out over the snowscape again. "Yeah. I guess so," he says, unconvinced wolf. He's had the talk about where puppies come from, but not any talks to explain how he's been feeling this past season and a half. Love is for boys and girls. And when you do love wrong... it's a bad thing that makes for angry wolves. So Ikuna broods in his unhappier moments, at least. He steals a glance at Ahiga, and then quickly away. "I'm tryin' to do the right things, anyway."
Ahiga doesn't get it. From his viewpoint, he can't see a single thing that Ikuna has done /wrong/ that would justify him stressing over doing the right things. "Hey, no wonder you're a snow wolf every time I see ya," he remarks as he lifts a paw to poke at his side. "You think too much, an' it's over stuff you don't even have to worry about. If you ask /me/, you're already doin' the right things, and anybody would say the same thing."
Ikuna whffs softly at the nudge to his side, and tilts his head over to look at Ahiga as the other wolf speaks. There's a little bit of a frown brewing at the corners of his muzzle, and mostly... well, mostly it's for himself. Of course Ahiga doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. Ahiga doesn't know. That much is obvious, 'cause if Ahiga knew... well, there'd be something bad, that's for sure. And if Ahiga doesn't know, well... that's Ikuna's fault. He's been lying, even if he hasn't said anything actually false. So he'll fix it. He has to. Ikuna takes a big deep breath, and then... lets it out in a long sigh. This is hard! Couldn't he just go battle a wolverine instead? Or maybe a whole pack of those crazed dogs? He takes in a smaller breath, and tries again. "I." Well, yes, that's a start, but he's going to have to say more than that. Try again, wolf. "I think there's... something wrong with me."
I... ? Ahiga waits in slight anticipation. Ikuna has something to say, and it's obviously something that's bothering him. Thus, Ahiga is giving him all his attention, though he's beginning to feel slightly uneasy. This doesn't feel right. This must be some sort of bad news else Ikuna wouldn't be so ... cryptic. He also wouldn't sound so downtrodden either. And so he hangs on to that spoken 'I' with a feeling of trepidation, and....oh, here it comes. The bad news! Something is wrong with Ikuna! His ears raise in alarm, and he blinks once, digesting that. Interpreting it. "..You're sick?" he asks, eyes widening a little. "What's wrong? Did you eat something bad? Was it a dog? Did one pass through here?" Everyone (but Anoki) knows that dogs carry weird diseases that make them slow in the head. Has this been passed along to Ikuna somehow? He rises to his paws now and begins to check him over, sniffing at his nose, leaning up to do the same to his ear, then his neck, expression one of concerned concentration.
Ikuna shakes his head slowly, though he doesn't attempt to avoid Ahiga's check. His scent certainly shows nothing the matter, not more than his posture already said; he's not a happy wolf, but there's none of the sharpness of infection or the sourness of illness. His nose is appropriately cold and wet, his ear flickers the right way at the sniffs. "'m not sick," he says. "And I haven't seen any dogs." So much for, y'know, making sense. "I'm just... wrong. I feel the wrong stuff. I think about it, even if I try not to. I tried... thinking the right stuff, and... I don't want it. I just don't. I'm wrong in... in the head. Like Anoki or somethin', only even he's not wrong like this." It. Wrong stuff. Right stuff. Wow, Ikuna, can you be any more obtuse?
Everything smells just fine. There's no sickness plaguing his best friend, and for that Ahiga is glad. But the mystery still remains, and Ikuna still is making little to no sense. Snorting out a breath, Ahiga steps back and locks eyes with him. "D'you feel like hurtin' us?" he asks bluntly, brows lowered. "D'you feel like hurtin' me, or Tala? Or Skahla, or the pups? No, you don't. I know you don't cuz I know you, Ikuna. If you're not feelin' like hurtin' us or leavin' us, then whatever you're feelin' or thinkin' isn't wrong. It's wrong to hurt your pack, an' it's wrong to be against your pack. Anoki's just sort've weird. You're not. I've known you like, most've my life. I never thought you were weird."
Ikuna's eyes startle wide. "No!" he says. Of course he isn't going to hurt his own pack, that'd be crazy! Like real crazy, like rabid wolverine that had also gone crazy crazy. For a moment, wide-eyed, he just looks at Ahiga, and it seems like maybe the words are starting to sink in. "...but." Always with the but. "I... I want you to be happy. You, and Tala... and the rest of the pack. I would never ever want to hurt you. I... don't want to stand against you, I _don't_," and he's insisting on it awful hard, his posture all earnest and still half-shocked. "But... I... I'm scared I will. I... I don't have the madness or anything. 'm not gonna bite. I just... I...." He trails off, and then he closes his eyes, keeping them shut as he tries to speak again. "You. Y'know how you feel when there's a pretty girl, when your chest gets fluttery and your paws feel huge and like your ears are gonna fall off if you open your mouth but you can't help yourself?" Or your ears start to glow enough to melt the snow, alternatively. As now. Ikuna somehow manages to keep going regardless. "I. I. I don't get that for girls."
"Dork, I /am/ happy," Ahiga insists, but he forces himself into silence after that, allowing Ikuna to continue. He gradually settles back down onto his haunches, sitting in front of the other young male as opposed to beside him, trying to read his face. His posture. All the while listening to the flow of his broken and stuttered words. He's patient and does not interrupt, but when hies eyss close, he almost does, but Ikuna's next spoken word keeps him silent. You. You as in...him? He blinks. What did he do? There's a brief look of incomprehension, not that Ikuna sees it. But..ah. He understands the feeling that he describes. Ahiga has been feeling much of that, and a bit of his worry begins to dissipate, even when he gets to the end. "Hey, it's alright that you don't feel that way right now. You're lucky. All it does is make ya feel like a huge idiot in front've a good lookin' girl. But I bet you'll start feelin' it in spring. Remember how back when we visited Cerulean a while ago, Anoki was tellin' us how everyone was actin' weird with each other? It'll get that way for you," said encouragingly with a grin. Because really, what else could Ikuna mean by that?
Ikuna's tail is flat against the ground, his ears tilted back with worry - though he's clearly still comfortable at a very fundamental level with Ahiga, or he wouldn't be closing his eyes with his head lifted up to expose his neck. And his tail does quiver slightly as Ahiga declares his happiness. Ikuna's just, well... stressed. Worried he's doing things wrong. He cracks open one eye as Ahiga tries to reassure him that it's all cool and he'll feel that soon enough, and then his ears flatten back against his skull for a moment as he all but whines. "I... I do feel it. A lot."
"..You do?" Now he's thoroughly confused! Ahiga is sure that he's missed or is missing something rather important, but the subject matter and conversaion just aren't matching up very well. And the only clarifying question that comes to his mind is a very short one. "For who?" This may be the source of his dilemma. The only females in Ute are relatives of his, and if he's getting twitterpated over Tala...well, that would pose multiple problems!! And if not Tala, then...Wachiwa? That would be a less traumatic answer, yet still troubling. There's Asku to worry about, plus the fact that Wachiwa's like, almost a mother to them all. Maybe it's a Cerulean wolf? But even if any of those options was the correct guess, it still wouldn't make sense for him to say he doesn't get that way for girls, and then turn around and declare his love for one.
Here it is. The moment of truth. The moment he... says... says.... The last time Ikuna got this close, he turned tail and ran away. It is tempting. It is so tempting, but no. He won't. He mustn't run away. He mustn't run away. He just has to say this. It's not much. Just a few words... He's not sure he can manage a few words. Okay then. Simpler. One word. Just one word. That's all he has to say. He closes his eyes tight for a moment, and then decides he can't bear the suspense and opens them again, looking at Ahiga as he manages to push out that one, single, solitary, oh-so-hard word. "You."
Such a one wordered response can only be replied to with just a single word. "..What?" Of all the names and scenarios that have run through his mind during those agonizing moments of silence, Ahiga never once put himself in the equation. Him? .. /Him?/ The puzzled look on his face says more than words could. There's no anger or disgust. How can one feel that way towards something one has never faced before? Merely utter, total, pure confusion. He blinks, then stares, hoping that something on the face of his friend will make that answer...make sense. How in the world could /he/ give Ikuna the same feelings that Tala gives him? The moment of shock lasts the lengths of many heartbeats before he shakes his head, bringing himself out of his stupor. "No. No way, I'm a guy. That's not how it's.." He pauses, brows furrowing and ears falling back. "No, I get it, Ikuna. It's just like what I said before," he says quickly, ears pressing forward again. "There aren't any girls here for you, so you /think/ it's me, but it's not. You jus'...jus' need to find a girl, that's all."
Confusion? Okay. Ikuna can handle confusion. He's certainly felt enough of it himself, over these many months of trying to figure out his feelings. His face in return is an earnest one, a hopeful one; a face that says that, yes, this is so weird but it's true and... and... "I know," he says, dropping his gaze. "It's wrong, and it's not in any of the stories anywhere, and... but... it's how I feel. I've seen girls. Other girls, not just like Tala an' Chewy. Like in Cerulean. And... I've seen other guys, too." He looks aside, and the splay of his ears and their slight reddening says more than his words can manage. He glances up to Ahiga briefly, his expression... forced calm. Like a thin sheet of ice over treacherous water. "It's just somethin' wrong with me. I... want you'n Tala to be happy."
Cerulean has girls. Ahiga is already making a quick plan. They could go there again...hopefully the Alphas aren't sick of their random visits...and get acquainted with the female populat-...wait. Ikuna /has/ seen their females...and males. His eyes drift to those blushed ears of his, and he glances away soon after, eyeing the snow covered ground. "Oh.." Well there goes that plan and assumption that his pal just needs a bit of exposure. The question burns on the top pf his tongue, dying to be asked: What's not to like about females? They way they talk, the way they look, how they smell, the sound of their laugh.. Ahiga's all for it. But it's choked back, for the question could be a dangerous one. He now realizes that all this time, Ikuna has been battling with this, and the wrong words could be destructive in many ways. "I..dunno why you keep sayin' that, Ikuna. Why wouldn't Tala and I be happy? You're...you're my best friend...no matter what. There's nothin' wrong with you. You're just...uh, you're just...different." A pause, and he takes in a breath, lifting his head a bit in a show of confidence. "We'll deal."
Ikuna keeps his eyes on Ahiga, like the other wolf is the narrow log that keeps him from tumbling onto the thin ice and crashing through to drown. The wolf that fights wolverines and guards the pups... is fragile now, in this. His loyalties are conflicted with his feelings, his wants to tangled together as to be uncertain... but there's still something. Best friends. Yeah. They always have been, back (nearly) so long as he can remember. And now Ahiga knows... about him... and is is still willing to be his friend. No matter what. Ikuna nods, the worry in his posture relaxing a little. Even if he can't have what he, aheheh, wants... he still has his friend. This being wrong... different... can't take that away. Ikuna takes his own breath, time almost the same as Ahiga's, and then meets the other wolf's eyes. "Y-yeah. Okay." He swallows, and says, "Thanks," before he leans forward with a nuzzle for Ahiga's cheek.
This will take some mulling over. With that one admission, a thousand questions fill Ahiga's mind, but none of them are going to be asked on this evening. Some may never. And likely, poor Ikuna may not have all the answers, for he's right. Never before have they heard of this in any of the stories of their childhood, so what kind of answers could he really hope for to help him...understand what Ikuna is feeling and why? He's broken from his thoughts at the sound of his voice, and he smiles, returning the nuzzle as he has a zillion times before, but now he can't help but the wonder what's going through Ikuna's mind. Is it the same stuff that goes through his mind when he nuzzles Tala? The same pull to be ever closer? How can that be? He doesn't get it! He pulls back and rises to his paws. "Come on, I bet everyone's in the den. It's snowin' too much. Let's go home." He might not get Ikuna's romantic feelings, but the old friendship is still there.
At least the friendship is there. At least Ahiga still returns that nuzzle, and it's still a comforting thing... even if there's maybe a tiny hint of weird. Still. Ikuna smiles, and he nods before getting up as well. "Yeah. Let's go home." There will be time enough for all those questions, and maybe - maybe! - even some answers. For now... they're still friends. They're going home. It's enough... for now.