Post by Therdde on Jul 7, 2008 19:53:30 GMT -5
Because some people give me grief when I don't post Kein-logs... 
Prior to this scene, Kein returned to his mother with the aid of an eagle, and let his mother and brother know that Ruut'h had died. In this scene, Maulisho asks for more details, which Kein has trouble giving.
Characters:
Maulisho - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Juvenile Cougar
- Isolated Oasis -
Did Paoro, for all her shamanistic gifts she supposedly has, see this coming? Did she already know that Ruut'h was going to die? Maulisho isn't sure which answer she finds more comforting--if either /could/ be comforting. She is so afraid of having to tell Kasim... probably in a similar manner to what she's sure Kein must have been feeling. She'll have to put some serious thought into how to comfort her two sons, and hope that this doesn't affect Kein any more than is healthy. The last thing he needs is guilt that will haunt him to his adulthood years. What will Nayeli think once she hears? Or Lark? Maulisho just sighs, adjusting her head's position on her forepaws. For something her mother always dismissed as a simple fact of existence, death certainly does have many aftershocks.
Kein doesn't want to sleep anymore. Ever. He never wants to have to close his eyes again. And he has spent a lot of time just wandering around the oasis, afraid to venture too far away, but desperate to keep himself awake. As he ventures closer to his mother on his most recent lap around the water, he spots her, and he stops walking abruptly. It's not that he doesn't want to be close to her. He does. A lot. It's just that being close to her means sitting still, means talking to her, and means the chance of facing that rejection that he's sure is coming, eventually. Sooner or later. Ruut'h is dead because of him. How could his mother forgive him for that, no matter what she has said in the past? He knows he'll never forgive himself, certainly.
Somewhere, some bird is surely joking about the moodiest cougars ever seen, but Maulisho really doesn't care about outward appearance right now. She's far more concerned with emotional damage control, both for herself and Kein, and preemptively for the others in the area as well. Knowing that Kein is within hearing distance, Maul says in something resembling a tired summons: "Kein, come over here." There's nothing remotely angry or hostile in her tone, but there is plenty of grief still lingering. She's done her best to get past the more vocal part of grieving, but the heaviness in her heart--and voice--is expected to remain for a considerably longer time.
Kein tenses his shoulders when he hears his mom's voice say his name. He does begin walking towards her, though, a second later, taking a deep breath as he does. He stares just a few inches in front of his forepaws as he walks. The ground here is terribly monotonous and boring in most areas, but it's still better than the sight that awaits him as soon as he closes his eyes. Kein really isn't thinking about much of anything beyond what is in the immediate area. Not even Nayeli or Home. He probably could, might be able to take his mind off of what he has done by now, at least for a few moments... But what's the point?
Your sister is dead, Kein! Dead! What were you... /why/ did... how /could/... "Kein, are you doing okay?" Maulisho tries to give him a smile, but the end result is rather forced. This isn't going to be easy, no matter what approach she takes. "I know..." The cougaress takes a deep breath, already feeling herself begin to tear up again. "I know this is very difficult for you, as it is for me." Understatement of a lifetime.
Kein doesn't look up at his mom, so he never sees the forced smile. What she says hurts him more than if she had yelled at him. She's hurt a lot because of what he did. He knew she would be. And he knows it has to be hard to be nice to someone when they hurt you that much. He should appreciate it, but that's not what he's thinking. What he's thinking about is whether she wishes that it were Ruut'h standing here instead of him. It should have been. "I... I'm okay." That's a lie. Something would have to be seriously wrong with him for it to not be a lie. But the last thing he has any right to do is trouble Mom further.
The cougaress nods, almost as if she completely believes her son at his word. In a way, she does. The very fact that Kein is trying to avoid showing weakness or dependency right now shows that he's at least trying to be his normal self. "I know this is the last thing you want to do, but I want you to try and tell me everything that happened. Why the two of you went off alone, and what happened because of that." Talking about it will be hard, but hopefully doing so will help them overcome their grief. Hopefully.
Tears sting at Kein's eyes and he flattens his ears against his head as his mom asks him why. This is the point where he would normally love to curl up, say he doesn't want to talk about it or that he's tired, and that he wants to sleep. He /really/ doesn't want to do that, though, and besides... He doesn't deserve to get out of talking about it. He sits down, still silent, for a moment, still staring at the ground. "I... I knew you were gonna be mad, but... I had to. I had to /try/. And I tried to make her go back here, Mo-" No. He can't call her that. She might not want him to call her that. "I tried to make her go back here, when I knew she was followin' me, but she wouldn't listen. She wanted to go home. And..." And then he yelled at her. And then he snapped at her. And then there was that wolf. Even before he reaches that part of the sequence of events, his recounting it is disjointed. How he's going to make himself say everything that has happened when his throat is as tight as it is... He has no idea.
Maulisho doesn't respond to the part about her being angry, but does request clarification of one detail: "Why exactly did you leave in the first place?" Just exploring around? Or something else? She's really afraid Kein left because of the wolves, and having her son terrified or repulsed by her lupine friend would hurt her deeply as well.
Kein was willing to believe that there might be some good wolves out there before. Since seeing what that one did to Ruut'h, that has changed, but... No. Where Mom has brought them isn't why he left. Just that she brought them. That they had to leave Nayeli in a place where she could get hurt. That he left things unresolved. It all seems stupid now, though. Now Ruut'h is dead, and Nayeli is /still/ somewhere where she could get hurt. Keeping his eyes on the ground, his voice is very small when he speaks up. "I didn't think Nayeli was gonna wait. Or... Or if she did wait... She could get hurt too." He promised he would go back /there/. What if Chesmu hurts her, or Chandani, and they still don't leave? What if they believe him and still try to wait?
Her amber eyes soften as Kein mentions his (former) best friend. "So you decided to try and make the entire journey back by yourself, and Ruut'h decided to come along?" Doesn't surprise Maulisho at all. She didn't get an exact location from Karon of where Kein was found, but her impression was that they'd manage to cover a decent amount of territory before... things happened. Maulisho looks expectantly at Kein, waiting for him to continue.
Kein gives a litle nod of his head. That's more or less how it happened. Kein tried as hard as he could to keep Ruut'h from accompanying him, but... That doesn't matter, now, so he doesn't add that in. Doesn't try to defend himself. All he does is hope, silently, that what he has said already will be enough for Mom. He doesn't want to think about what happened after he realized Ruut'h was following him anymore than he already has, because of where it leads.
Sigh. "Kein, I /know/ this isn't easy, for either of us, but I really need you to continue. I can't go through the rest of my life not knowing what happened to my daughter." Her /only/ daughter, but Kein knows that too. No sense trying to pile on the guilt on top of what Kein surely is already straining under.
It should have been Kein. He should have had her go up the tree first, regardless of what might have been waiting for them. At least if it had been him, Mom would still have a son. A well-behaved, polite son who never hurt anyone, never did anything that got anyone hurt... And a daughter. "There was a wolf, and he followed us for a long time. I thought he might'a been from the pack." And what if the wolf /is/ part of Lark's pack? It was dark. He'd never be able to recognize the wolf again. "And when-" He still can't bring himself to say his sister's name. After a pause, he starts that thought again. "When she was tired, I was gonna check out a tree, make sure it was safe, but..." He finally looks up at his mother, silently pleading with her not to make him finish. He is crying, but the tears are fairly quiet. It would have been impossible to tell, had he not looked up.
Maul's voice becomes suddenly hard. Very hard. "Kein, that wolf was /not/ from Lark's pack. I don't know where it came from, or when it started following you, but a wolf from Lark's pack would never, /ever/ have done that." She's freely crying now too, but her voice remains completely serious, albeit with a quiver here and there. "Do you understand me? You cannot blame Lark or her pack for what happened to Ruut'h, as much as you might like to." That's the /last/ thing she needs--Kein taking out his frustration on other lupines here.
Kein is a little surprised when his mother's voice changes suddenly. He tenses his shoulders and stares at the ground again. And though he is normally very slow to defend himself when he knows he has done something wrong... This time, he speaks up. "I thought... I thought if he was from the pack... That he would protect us, or else tell you... I didn't think..." That why he left Ruut'h on the ground with the wolf. It should have been safer. "I didn't think if he was from the pack, he'd be bad." Now, he's not so sure, despite what Mom says... But everything he says isn't actually because she spoke to him harshly, isn't because he wants forgiveness. It's because he wants to reassure her that he's not going to do something to make her regret having him around more.
"Kein, I would trust my life to any of Lark's packmates. I would trust /your/ life. I.. I would have trusted Ruut'h's life as well." Maulisho doesn't know who this other wolf is, but she is going to do her absolute best to hunt it down. Lark's help will also be appreciated, should she choose to provide it. "What.. what else happened?"
Kein's breathing has become shallow as he feels himself closer to breaking down. Why can't Mom just figure what happened from there. He told her all but the last couple minutes. It should be easy to piece together, shouldn't it? Why does he have to say it? These thoughts make it difficult for him to find the words, and it's a moment before he can force himself to continue. "And then... Then... He took her, and... I couldn't... I just... Couldn't..." Couldn't get to her in time. Couldn't save her. Couldn't do anything but watch that wolf eat her.
"Was... was..." Maulisho swallows hard, trying to keep control of her voice. "Was it quick?" Please don't say that her daughter suffered before dying. A quick death would be about the only consolation that Maulisho could receive right now. If that wolf made her suffer... a white-hot line of hatred burns through the overwhelming amount of grief present in Maulisho's mind.
Kein doesn't know how to answer that. Ruut'h was out of his sight for a while. Who knows what she suffered in that time. All he heard was her call his name, and then a single scream, though. And it was all over before he could do anything about it. Almost before he was even on the ground. So, though he can't possibly know, he nods. Yes, it was quick. Way, way too quick. He sniffs, once, then tries to rub his face against his shoulder.
Her relief is vast, and at least now she has some consoling words she can offer anyone else who hears of this tragedy for the first time. At least she didn't suffer. Noting Kein's attempt at self-comfort, Maulisho is quick to reach out and try to drag him to herself. She feels drained from all her grieving, and Kein /has/ gotten bigger since he was born, but she still gives it her best effort. She needs comfort that ironically she can only get from Kein. One of her cubs who is still /alive/.
It is now your pose.
Kein spots Mom reaching out for him, and it causes him to tense a little again. He doesn't fight her, though. He even moves a little closer to her of his own accord, making it easier for her to move him. He doesn't want to rest, but being near his mom... No matter what, he'll take advantage of those moments for as long as they last. He can't say anything else. His throat is still tight, and besides, everything that comes to mind seems inappropriate. So he just keeps his mouth shut and presses up against her.
Maulisho knew that there would be lessons that Kein would have to learn that would hurt him, but she had never imagined in her worst nightmares that one such lesson would require the life of her only daughter. She doesn't speak either, instead using this chance to reassure Kein of her own love for him by snugging him close. She forgives him, of course, as holding any bitterness or resentment toward him would be both pointless and damaging. Forgiveness won't bring Ruut'h back, but it /will/ help them both recover... right?
Kein closes his eyes for more than a second for the first time in what feels like forever. And while the same images are still there waiting for him, he can't force his eyes back open, this time. He buries his face in his mom's fur and cries as quietly as he can. It might not last long. Either she'll go back to asking him questions or he'll be so haunted again that he'll have to pull himself away. But for this moment, he feels safe. She's there. She'll keep anything bad from getting them, and she'll keep him from doing anything else bad. It helps to have this moment.
Prior to this scene, Kein returned to his mother with the aid of an eagle, and let his mother and brother know that Ruut'h had died. In this scene, Maulisho asks for more details, which Kein has trouble giving.Characters:
Maulisho - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Juvenile Cougar
- Isolated Oasis -
Did Paoro, for all her shamanistic gifts she supposedly has, see this coming? Did she already know that Ruut'h was going to die? Maulisho isn't sure which answer she finds more comforting--if either /could/ be comforting. She is so afraid of having to tell Kasim... probably in a similar manner to what she's sure Kein must have been feeling. She'll have to put some serious thought into how to comfort her two sons, and hope that this doesn't affect Kein any more than is healthy. The last thing he needs is guilt that will haunt him to his adulthood years. What will Nayeli think once she hears? Or Lark? Maulisho just sighs, adjusting her head's position on her forepaws. For something her mother always dismissed as a simple fact of existence, death certainly does have many aftershocks.
Kein doesn't want to sleep anymore. Ever. He never wants to have to close his eyes again. And he has spent a lot of time just wandering around the oasis, afraid to venture too far away, but desperate to keep himself awake. As he ventures closer to his mother on his most recent lap around the water, he spots her, and he stops walking abruptly. It's not that he doesn't want to be close to her. He does. A lot. It's just that being close to her means sitting still, means talking to her, and means the chance of facing that rejection that he's sure is coming, eventually. Sooner or later. Ruut'h is dead because of him. How could his mother forgive him for that, no matter what she has said in the past? He knows he'll never forgive himself, certainly.
Somewhere, some bird is surely joking about the moodiest cougars ever seen, but Maulisho really doesn't care about outward appearance right now. She's far more concerned with emotional damage control, both for herself and Kein, and preemptively for the others in the area as well. Knowing that Kein is within hearing distance, Maul says in something resembling a tired summons: "Kein, come over here." There's nothing remotely angry or hostile in her tone, but there is plenty of grief still lingering. She's done her best to get past the more vocal part of grieving, but the heaviness in her heart--and voice--is expected to remain for a considerably longer time.
Kein tenses his shoulders when he hears his mom's voice say his name. He does begin walking towards her, though, a second later, taking a deep breath as he does. He stares just a few inches in front of his forepaws as he walks. The ground here is terribly monotonous and boring in most areas, but it's still better than the sight that awaits him as soon as he closes his eyes. Kein really isn't thinking about much of anything beyond what is in the immediate area. Not even Nayeli or Home. He probably could, might be able to take his mind off of what he has done by now, at least for a few moments... But what's the point?
Your sister is dead, Kein! Dead! What were you... /why/ did... how /could/... "Kein, are you doing okay?" Maulisho tries to give him a smile, but the end result is rather forced. This isn't going to be easy, no matter what approach she takes. "I know..." The cougaress takes a deep breath, already feeling herself begin to tear up again. "I know this is very difficult for you, as it is for me." Understatement of a lifetime.
Kein doesn't look up at his mom, so he never sees the forced smile. What she says hurts him more than if she had yelled at him. She's hurt a lot because of what he did. He knew she would be. And he knows it has to be hard to be nice to someone when they hurt you that much. He should appreciate it, but that's not what he's thinking. What he's thinking about is whether she wishes that it were Ruut'h standing here instead of him. It should have been. "I... I'm okay." That's a lie. Something would have to be seriously wrong with him for it to not be a lie. But the last thing he has any right to do is trouble Mom further.
The cougaress nods, almost as if she completely believes her son at his word. In a way, she does. The very fact that Kein is trying to avoid showing weakness or dependency right now shows that he's at least trying to be his normal self. "I know this is the last thing you want to do, but I want you to try and tell me everything that happened. Why the two of you went off alone, and what happened because of that." Talking about it will be hard, but hopefully doing so will help them overcome their grief. Hopefully.
Tears sting at Kein's eyes and he flattens his ears against his head as his mom asks him why. This is the point where he would normally love to curl up, say he doesn't want to talk about it or that he's tired, and that he wants to sleep. He /really/ doesn't want to do that, though, and besides... He doesn't deserve to get out of talking about it. He sits down, still silent, for a moment, still staring at the ground. "I... I knew you were gonna be mad, but... I had to. I had to /try/. And I tried to make her go back here, Mo-" No. He can't call her that. She might not want him to call her that. "I tried to make her go back here, when I knew she was followin' me, but she wouldn't listen. She wanted to go home. And..." And then he yelled at her. And then he snapped at her. And then there was that wolf. Even before he reaches that part of the sequence of events, his recounting it is disjointed. How he's going to make himself say everything that has happened when his throat is as tight as it is... He has no idea.
Maulisho doesn't respond to the part about her being angry, but does request clarification of one detail: "Why exactly did you leave in the first place?" Just exploring around? Or something else? She's really afraid Kein left because of the wolves, and having her son terrified or repulsed by her lupine friend would hurt her deeply as well.
Kein was willing to believe that there might be some good wolves out there before. Since seeing what that one did to Ruut'h, that has changed, but... No. Where Mom has brought them isn't why he left. Just that she brought them. That they had to leave Nayeli in a place where she could get hurt. That he left things unresolved. It all seems stupid now, though. Now Ruut'h is dead, and Nayeli is /still/ somewhere where she could get hurt. Keeping his eyes on the ground, his voice is very small when he speaks up. "I didn't think Nayeli was gonna wait. Or... Or if she did wait... She could get hurt too." He promised he would go back /there/. What if Chesmu hurts her, or Chandani, and they still don't leave? What if they believe him and still try to wait?
Her amber eyes soften as Kein mentions his (former) best friend. "So you decided to try and make the entire journey back by yourself, and Ruut'h decided to come along?" Doesn't surprise Maulisho at all. She didn't get an exact location from Karon of where Kein was found, but her impression was that they'd manage to cover a decent amount of territory before... things happened. Maulisho looks expectantly at Kein, waiting for him to continue.
Kein gives a litle nod of his head. That's more or less how it happened. Kein tried as hard as he could to keep Ruut'h from accompanying him, but... That doesn't matter, now, so he doesn't add that in. Doesn't try to defend himself. All he does is hope, silently, that what he has said already will be enough for Mom. He doesn't want to think about what happened after he realized Ruut'h was following him anymore than he already has, because of where it leads.
Sigh. "Kein, I /know/ this isn't easy, for either of us, but I really need you to continue. I can't go through the rest of my life not knowing what happened to my daughter." Her /only/ daughter, but Kein knows that too. No sense trying to pile on the guilt on top of what Kein surely is already straining under.
It should have been Kein. He should have had her go up the tree first, regardless of what might have been waiting for them. At least if it had been him, Mom would still have a son. A well-behaved, polite son who never hurt anyone, never did anything that got anyone hurt... And a daughter. "There was a wolf, and he followed us for a long time. I thought he might'a been from the pack." And what if the wolf /is/ part of Lark's pack? It was dark. He'd never be able to recognize the wolf again. "And when-" He still can't bring himself to say his sister's name. After a pause, he starts that thought again. "When she was tired, I was gonna check out a tree, make sure it was safe, but..." He finally looks up at his mother, silently pleading with her not to make him finish. He is crying, but the tears are fairly quiet. It would have been impossible to tell, had he not looked up.
Maul's voice becomes suddenly hard. Very hard. "Kein, that wolf was /not/ from Lark's pack. I don't know where it came from, or when it started following you, but a wolf from Lark's pack would never, /ever/ have done that." She's freely crying now too, but her voice remains completely serious, albeit with a quiver here and there. "Do you understand me? You cannot blame Lark or her pack for what happened to Ruut'h, as much as you might like to." That's the /last/ thing she needs--Kein taking out his frustration on other lupines here.
Kein is a little surprised when his mother's voice changes suddenly. He tenses his shoulders and stares at the ground again. And though he is normally very slow to defend himself when he knows he has done something wrong... This time, he speaks up. "I thought... I thought if he was from the pack... That he would protect us, or else tell you... I didn't think..." That why he left Ruut'h on the ground with the wolf. It should have been safer. "I didn't think if he was from the pack, he'd be bad." Now, he's not so sure, despite what Mom says... But everything he says isn't actually because she spoke to him harshly, isn't because he wants forgiveness. It's because he wants to reassure her that he's not going to do something to make her regret having him around more.
"Kein, I would trust my life to any of Lark's packmates. I would trust /your/ life. I.. I would have trusted Ruut'h's life as well." Maulisho doesn't know who this other wolf is, but she is going to do her absolute best to hunt it down. Lark's help will also be appreciated, should she choose to provide it. "What.. what else happened?"
Kein's breathing has become shallow as he feels himself closer to breaking down. Why can't Mom just figure what happened from there. He told her all but the last couple minutes. It should be easy to piece together, shouldn't it? Why does he have to say it? These thoughts make it difficult for him to find the words, and it's a moment before he can force himself to continue. "And then... Then... He took her, and... I couldn't... I just... Couldn't..." Couldn't get to her in time. Couldn't save her. Couldn't do anything but watch that wolf eat her.
"Was... was..." Maulisho swallows hard, trying to keep control of her voice. "Was it quick?" Please don't say that her daughter suffered before dying. A quick death would be about the only consolation that Maulisho could receive right now. If that wolf made her suffer... a white-hot line of hatred burns through the overwhelming amount of grief present in Maulisho's mind.
Kein doesn't know how to answer that. Ruut'h was out of his sight for a while. Who knows what she suffered in that time. All he heard was her call his name, and then a single scream, though. And it was all over before he could do anything about it. Almost before he was even on the ground. So, though he can't possibly know, he nods. Yes, it was quick. Way, way too quick. He sniffs, once, then tries to rub his face against his shoulder.
Her relief is vast, and at least now she has some consoling words she can offer anyone else who hears of this tragedy for the first time. At least she didn't suffer. Noting Kein's attempt at self-comfort, Maulisho is quick to reach out and try to drag him to herself. She feels drained from all her grieving, and Kein /has/ gotten bigger since he was born, but she still gives it her best effort. She needs comfort that ironically she can only get from Kein. One of her cubs who is still /alive/.
It is now your pose.
Kein spots Mom reaching out for him, and it causes him to tense a little again. He doesn't fight her, though. He even moves a little closer to her of his own accord, making it easier for her to move him. He doesn't want to rest, but being near his mom... No matter what, he'll take advantage of those moments for as long as they last. He can't say anything else. His throat is still tight, and besides, everything that comes to mind seems inappropriate. So he just keeps his mouth shut and presses up against her.
Maulisho knew that there would be lessons that Kein would have to learn that would hurt him, but she had never imagined in her worst nightmares that one such lesson would require the life of her only daughter. She doesn't speak either, instead using this chance to reassure Kein of her own love for him by snugging him close. She forgives him, of course, as holding any bitterness or resentment toward him would be both pointless and damaging. Forgiveness won't bring Ruut'h back, but it /will/ help them both recover... right?
Kein closes his eyes for more than a second for the first time in what feels like forever. And while the same images are still there waiting for him, he can't force his eyes back open, this time. He buries his face in his mom's fur and cries as quietly as he can. It might not last long. Either she'll go back to asking him questions or he'll be so haunted again that he'll have to pull himself away. But for this moment, he feels safe. She's there. She'll keep anything bad from getting them, and she'll keep him from doing anything else bad. It helps to have this moment.