Post by Therdde on Sept 27, 2008 5:31:41 GMT -5
Characters:
Nayeli - Female Adolescent Cougar
Kein - Male Adolesent COugar
Scene:
Nayeli and Kein meet up for the first time since Kein and his family fled Amaranth, and slowly but surely, their relationship is repaired.
- Sloping Gradient -
Nayeli would never claim to have any of the so-called "gifts" and "abilities" of the tribe's shamaness, but she can't help but admit to herself that there /does/ seem to be something in the air. Some.. /feeling/, as it were. Something is about to happen. And as such, Nayeli finds a small amount of irony in her own restless wandering around the tribal lands--doing a "patrol" of sorts. As much as she's distanced herself from her father, it's amusing in a way that she's now doing exactly what he does. Okay, so maybe her walkthrough of the stone formations /was/ a bit quicker than anywhere else! That place now really gives her the creeps, ever since that "dream" several days ago. But now she's approaching the eastern border of the lands, and her pace quickens slightly as she picks up what seems to be foreign scents and sounds from up ahead.
Kein has taken the opportunity his family gave him to rest. Now that he is here, though, he is far from sleepy. He's letting himself recover from the trip back, currently lying right under the first tree he ever climbed, but he is wide awake. While trying to avoid thinking about the unpleasant few days that are ahead of them, he is spending more time looking over... Well, what used to be home. It doesn't feel like home anymore. Maybe even the stone formations wouldn't feel like home either, now or ever again, and since the oasis definitely isn't home... The idea that he doesn't have one isn't any more pleasant than thinking about what they have yet to do, so he turns his head to look elsewhere, away from the cave and the trees immediately around it.
Long after these events will be finished, Nayeli will still never be able to decide whether or not it was simply a coincidence that she happened to come within sight of Kein right as he happened to look in her direction. It's him that she immediately notices, followed by a cursory recognition of the rest of his family. The absence of Ruut'h isn't really noticed--she could be simply out of view for all Nayeli knows. It's Kein, though, that occupies her foremost attention, and for the briefest of moments Nayeli is halfway tempted to believe this is another cruel dream that he's caused her to be trapped in. But no.. she knows this is no dream, and there's no denying the fact that Kein /is/ here. He's back in Amaranth, and Nayeli simply isn't ready to handle that. Let alone all that this could mean for her father. With a sinking feeling, the adolescent turns and slinks away, not sure what to do. Should she go straight to her father and tell him the news? That's probably what her duty to Amaranth would require, but... she needs a moment to handle this herself, first. Slinking behind a tree, she sits down and tries to compose herself.
Kein's jaw drops when he spots Nayeli. Or, if it's not Nayeli, then it is /definitely/ what Nayeli looked like in that dream. That nightmare. It doesn't last long, as she almost immediately retreats, and he flattens his ears against his head. He knew it. She doesn't want anything to do with him, but... Before he leaves here, he has to finish it, has to make it real. Has to never again have even the slightest hope for repairing the friendship that once meant so much to him, that was once fundamental in his development. So he pulls himself to his feet and begins walking towards his mother. "Mom...?" He doesn't need her to all of a sudden realize he isn't there and start worrying about him. Not with everything else that's going on. He just hopes this will be quick, so Nayeli doesn't get too far away, because this isn't precisely like his dream. She won't just return against her will.
It would probably have been a lot easier for Kein if his mother had seen Nayeli as well. Then again, it might have made it harder, as well. "Yes, Kein?" Maulisho asks, turning her head to look over at her son. He's so difficult to read--he's been this way for quite a while now.
It's not intentional, but Kein definitely doesn't do anything to help his mother know what he's thinking. He stops several feet away from her and takes a deep breath, then speaks. "I have to go for a few minutes. I'll be right back. Okay?" Though he doesn't mean to, he is testing the boundaries of the independence she offered him earlier. It's small, evident only in the way he phrased what he said, the way he told her what his plans were, /then/ asked if she was all right with it, instead of starting off by asking. Even he doesn't realize that's what he's doing, but it is one step in the long road that will one day lead to him saying goodbye to her, Kasim, and Pel, to him setting out to find his own way.
There's the briefest of hesitations, then Maulisho finally nods. If Kein needs to take care of business, then he's free to do so. She trusts that he's old enough now to not run off into trouble, and to remember exactly why they've come back. It's not like he's gone out of his way to show admiration for Chesmu and what he's done, so she has no worries that he'll try something foolish.
Kein is not quite surprised at how easily that went, but... Part of him still expects any part of this that could be difficult to be difficult. Still, as she nods, he turns to the north again, to try to find Nayeli. She can't have gotten /too/ far. As he walks away from his mother, his mood is somber, which is reflected in his body language. He's basically expecting a repeat of his nightmare, more or less... Except for that once Nayeli decides she's finished listening to him this time, nothing will bring her back. Ever.
Still behind the tree, Nayeli feels as though she's finally managed a better grip on her emotions. Now she can spend a brief moment and try to decide what the best course of action would be. If all those cougars are going to remain there for the night, then maybe she can alert her father sometime later on. Her ears swivel, thinking that she might have picked up a sound from someone approaching. No.. there wasn't any other creature nearby that might have made that sound when she came back this way. No prey animals anywhere in the vicinity. The only other possibility would be one of the new arrivals, and they'd be making a lot more noise if they were passing back through this way.
Nayeli's scent is still strong, and so Kein's pace remains slow. As he walks, he spots her suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, and turns to face her. She's still half behind the tree, from where he is, but... She's there. She didn't run, not really. Kein doesn't move, and it takes effort for him to speak. He can still hear her yelling at him in the dream, and he doesn't expect her reaction to be much better here, so absolutely the first thing he says is, "I'm sorry, Nayeli."
There's a sharp gasp, and Nayeli's head whips around to stare at Kein. There's a lot of emotion that flickers through her eyes, and her cheek muscles clench as she tries hard not to lose control of herself. "How do I know this isn't another one of your dreams?" she finally asks, not immediately responding to the male's apology. What if this isn't a dream? Does that mean she can just leave? But /should/ she? If Kein and his family are back to stay for good, this could very well mean that he'll never leave her alone. Dare she leave Amaranth lands entirely?
What the girl asks doesn't make any sense. Another one of his dreams? But... How could she even know about that? Not even Mom or Pel know about it. But is this another one of his dreams? It can't be. He remembers coming here. He remembers waking up a few hours ago. As realistic as that dream was, he can /smell/ her now, as well as countless other things. He can hear the wind blowing leaves around. And if he shouted, Mom would come running. If /either/ of them shouted... "It /isn't/ a dream. This is real, and... And I need to talk to you. Please."
As best as she can remember, Kein hadn't said that it wasn't a dream when it really /was/ a dream. But.. he /could/ have, couldn't he? How does she know she can believe him? It just doesn't /feel/ like that dream, so... he must be right. "I just wanted to make sure that you weren't trapping me here like you did when..." She takes a shuddering breath. "Nevermind." Swallowing, she tries her best to keep her voice even. "What do you want to talk about? Why are you all back here again?"
She had the same dream he did. The realization startles him. He opens his mouth, but he can't speak immediately. Can he even address it at all? He's not sure. Probably best not to try, right now. There are more important things to say. "We..." Why /are/ they back here? To confront Nayeli's father, of course, but Kein still isn't sure how, and he's not sure he should be telling her that, anyway. He's not sure how much Chesmu has turned his daughter against them, in the long months they've been gone. "We just /had/ to come back. But... That's not what I want to talk about." Not yet, anyway.
Nayeli is about to echo Kein's statement in a none-too-convinced tone, but then hesitates when he adds the latter qualifier. "Then... what /do/ you want to talk to me about?" It had better not be about that dream. She spent far too long after it trying to recover from the emotional trauma of that. She has a bad feeling that the dream /is/ what he wants to discuss with her... either that or the awful incident from a long time ago.
Kein sits. This is harder than he imagined it would be, and he stares at the ground. All of this for some stupid comment he made when he was a lot younger. And is it worth it? Probably not. She hasn't made even the slightest attempt to meet him half-way, which should be all the proof he needs that this is futile, and because of that, it's hard to keep resentment from creeping into his tone, and harder still to keep tears from welling up in his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and... I'm sorry that I couldn't come back, that I couldn't save you and your sister... I'm sorry that I'm not what you expected me to be." He never has been, and the idea of disappointing her hurts almost as much as the idea of disappointing his mother. Or at least it used to. Now? Now he has no /idea/ what he's feeling.
It's almost ironic how Kein's words are so close to the root of the whole problem, and yet he probably doesn't even realize it. He's sorry that he's not what she expected him to be. Does he even realize the extent of how true his words are? Does he realize how often, before that fateful day, she would brag about Kein to her father or anyone else who would listen, and imagine him one day as a great and mighty chieftain? Does he realize how often, after that fateful day, she would cry herself to sleep at night, trying to figure out what terrible evil she had done to bring her world crashing down like that? What terrible thing she had done to finally cause Kein to push her away? It was a long and painful journey before she came to the realization that it wasn't necessarily her blame to carry. Kein /was/ at fault for that, and in her eyes the entirety of his hero-image had shattered for good. All of this flashes through her mind in the course of a single second. Her voice is hoarse: "I guess I have to accept your apology, don't I?" There's nothing in her expression, tone, or demeanor that suggests any enjoyment or relief in this possibility. Only a weary and reluctant acceptant of the fact.
"There's no one here to scold you if you don't." And maybe with time, Kein will be able to admit to himself that there was no way he ever could have lived up to her expectations of him. That there's no way /anyone/ could have lived up to her expectations, and he'll be able to do the same thing she has. Move on. Let her go, as she ordered him to do in their dream. /Their/ dream. Not his, or hers, but... But something they shared. The only thing they have shared in a long time, and something he has never shared with anyone else, like... Well, like teaching her how to track. Their secret. With this thought comes the realization of how much he has /missed/ her, and all thought of getting past this leaves him. For just a moment, he lets go of the pride that he kept even through his apology. "But I would do anything in my power to help you accept it, Nayeli. I..." He draws a deep breath that catches in his throat, then another, smoother one, before he finishes quietly. "I miss having you as my friend."
Nayeli looks as though she's been struck. He dares to say that he /misses/ being her /friend/?! "Don't tell me that!" she all but yells, turning away and bashing her head forward into the side of the tree. "Don't tell me that, Kein! No!" She's far too scared to accept that from him, because it describes so accurately /her/ own feelings, and she can't possibly let Kein know that. If anything, she needs to distance herself more from him. "No!" she yells again, bashing her head forward. The starbursting pain in her head is a nice distraction from the tears and heartache that are close to consuming her. If anything, she'd love to knock herself out. Blackness...
Kein never knows what might cause her to yell, not in his dreams and not here. He is shocked by her reaction, but it only takes her hitting her head against the tree a second time for him to do something. She's /not/ supposed to hurt herself over him. She's not supposed to get herself lost, panic, or cause herself pain over /him/. He jumps forward, trying to place himself between her and the tree and shouting, "Stop!" For the moment, he doesn't care who hears him, so long as she stops what she's doing. "Just... Stop... Please." When will she learn that she only has to ask him to do whatever it is she wants him to do, whether it's not saying a specific thing or not being anywhere near her?
The girl tries bashing her head one more time, but this time it's stopped by Kein's impenetrable shoulder. Growling now, Nayeli rams her head into the shoulder again, followed by another growl. "Get out of my way!" Knowing that he never will let her hit the tree again, she proceeds to swipe at his head with a forepaw, though without any claws extended. If anything, she's more furious at his insistence on not letting the past just simply stay buried. He just /has/ to keep trying to settle things, be it in a dream that she can't escape or now in a real-life confrontration with her former hero. "I don't want you here!" But for once her words lack the conviction that they formerly had. Just the fact that he's trying to shield her from pain has already begun to corrode the emotional barriers that she's worked so hard to build up.
Kein doesn't have time to move out of the way, and he winces and lets out a brief growl when her paw connects his his head, causing him to jerk away slightly. He remains between her and the tree, though, and he does nothing to retaliate. Regardless of the lack of conviction, he is hurt by what she says, and so he shouts back. "I'll leave, then! You know I will." He did before, in the dream, just as soon as he knew she wasn't going to get herself lost. Hurt. And he can no longer keep a few tears from escaping. "I'll leave, but you can't hurt yourself."
"I can hurt myself if I want to!" Nayeli tries narrowing her eyes, but that only makes it difficult to see through the tears. Kein is going to be stubborn, is he? Well, she can be stubborn too. "You can't stand there forever! My father will come by here sooner or later, and then you'll /have/ to move." Not that she has any doubt that her father won't want her hurting herself either, but that's beside the point. It's the fact that Kein is combining both his words and actions to drive home a single point: that he still does care about his friend. His /former/ friend, the girl reminds herself angrily. But still... he's trying hard to return to that point, isn't he? But going back there could allow for all the future pain and heartache that she's already gone through--/is/ going through!--and she doesn't want to make herself vulnerable again.
"No!" Kein is already growling at the thought of Chesmu showing up. Oh, how he would love to repay some of the pain he and his family members have experienced because of Chesmu, something he suspects he'll never be allowed to do. In this moment, though, he doesn't care that he is not yet fully grown, that he would probably die. The anger is a welcome replacement for all of the pain and grief this encounter is causing him. "I /won't/ let him do bad things any more, Nayeli, and that includes helping you hurt yourself!"
He's still be stubborn! "But /why/ won't you let me?" Nayeli asks, tensing slightly as though preparing for another swipe. "What does it matter to you? Why do you care what I do?" There's the tiniest bit of curiosity now, as she noticed the rather emphasized response to the idea of her father coming. Does it really worry him that much? Is he really determined to make sure that she stops hurting herself to the point that any obstruction to that end now becomes an anxiety to him?
It's not just about Nayeli. It's about Chesmu and Mom and Pel and Kasim... And it's about Ruut'h. And though this hurts him, though he shies backwards slightly as she looks like she is going to hit him again, he's not willing to be a contributing factor to another innocent girl getting hurt, or worse. "Because I want you to be happy, okay? I want you to be safe." As quickly as it was there, the anger has gone out of his tone. He's defeated, or damn near. He's willing to accept his part of the responsibility for everything that happened, to try to make up for it, but he can't do more. Nayeli can't accept that he'll do whatever it takes to see she doesn't hurt herself any more, even if it just means leaving her alone. As such, it seems the best he can do is stand between her and the tree until she decides to start using her claws and teeth to get him out of the way, or until Chesmu happens by, in which case only one of them will be walking away, if Kein has any say about it. And it'll probably be Chesmu.
With a snarl, Nayeli lashes out with her paw again... but stops only an inch or two away from actually striking Kein's muzzle. Her eyes are locked onto his, and her voice is trembling. "You're.. just saying... that..." She swallows hard. "Do you.. really mean it?" Her paw is slowly lowered to the ground. "But /why/ do you want me to be happy and safe?" Nevermind if he's said or implied the answer already. She wants to hear it definitively stated. Here and now.
Kein winces even before her paw hits, biting his tongue to keep himself from growling or crying out once she strikes him. It takes him a moment, then, to realize that she hasn't struck him, and to look at her. "Because..." Is it even fair for him to say this? He has said he misses her being his friend, but that doesn't quite cover it all. There's a much simpler explanation, and after a breath, he finishes what he started to say. "Because I love you, Nayeli." He's not quite thinking in a romantic sense, but it's true. He cares for her as much as he cares for his own family, and since the emotions she inspires in him aren't negative, not even when she's expecting more of him than he's capable of giving... Love is probably the only way of defining it.
Those simple words are spoken, and suddenly Nayeli is no longer here with Kein. She's back at the top of a certain tree, at a much younger age, and now listening wide-eyed to a much larger cougaress. Her words, as much as Nayeli tried to forget them in the weeks afterward, still managed to cling to her memory, and now they whisper once again: "You just wait and see, Nayeli. One day he's going to tell you that he loves you, because he's finally figured out that it's more important to be your friend than your hero." And now, back where she's standing no more than a foot away from her childhood hero, she's hearing him fulfill his mother's words without even realizing it. There is nothing in his eyes except sincerity, and she can't help but smile in response, feeling a lump building in her throat.
Kein is breathing more quickly than normal. It's one thing to tell his mom that he loves her, because she has never given him any reason to doubt that she'll accept that statement, even when he thinks she should have. Not since that day he wandered off and ran into that wolf, at any rate. To tell it to someone who, as far as Kein believes, hates him, though... He's just waiting for the rejection that he knows is coming, that he always expects, and that scares him more than /anything/. While waiting for her to strike him or yell at him again, he hasn't noticed she's smiling, not even while looking at her. It isn't until the silence drags on and his eyes come back into focus that he sees it, and it startles him even more than when she started yelling, and he isn't sure how to respond to her smiling, so he doesn't speak. Not yet.
But there is no rejection. If her smile isn't enough to convince Kein of this, then her words surely provide an additional measure of confidence: "I'm not really sure what to say. That really.. means a lot to me, Kein." There's still the final step for her to take though. The final step that both terrifies and thrills her. It will require her to shed all of the barriers that she's worked so hard to put it. It will require her to become vulnerable again, and she's scared of what that might mean. But right here in front of her, with nothing to lose, Kein has done just that. And he's told her that it's /because/ of her. /For/ her. Should she do anything less for her former best friend? With something akin to ferocity, she suddenly steps forward and pushes her head up against Kein's chest and neck. "And I love you too, Kein." Is that a purr? "My friend."
Kein doesn't moves as she steps forward. If he had the mental capacity to be expecting anything, he'd probably be expecting her to attack him again, but he's still thrown off by everything that has happened. The feels of her pressed against him and the sound of her purring are more comforting than anything he has felt or heard in a long time, though, and he has to fight back a sob of relief. He isn't entirely successful, but at least it's silent, showing only in a jerk of his head before he nuzzles against her neck. Finally, for the first time in months, he purrs back in response, not thinking about the way Ruut'h looked when she died or his biological father or anything except for how pleasant this moment is.
He's purring too! It's a truly beautiful sound--their purring in near-harmony. Would she have dared believe that this would ever happen? But.. it is. Even if the purring wasn't enough, the feel of his fur on hers is more than enough to convince her that this /is/ real. "It's kind of funny," she murmurs, "I keep reminding myself that this isn't a dream, and yet... I wouldn't mind being trapped here with you, even if this /was/ a dream." Her laugh is awkward and soft, but yet there's genuine mirth in it.
Kein gives her a light lick, then pulls his head back enough so that he can speak clearly. "You don't have to be trapped. You can stay with me forever." It's more a question than a statement. Will she? If this doesn't work out? If they don't win in whatever confrontation is going to happen with Chesmu, will Nayeli leave with them? More importantly, what will she do if they /do/ win? Will she still want anything to do with him? For this reason, and this reason only, Kein has second thoughts about challenging the chieftain. He's not one to run away, but... If they just leave, all of them... Then who is left here to care about?
She wouldn't really be /trapped/ if she stays with him of her own free will, right? "Do you really mean that?" Her smile can now best be described as delighted. But... then it fades, as her thoughts now run in a parallel direction as the male's. She doesn't know why his family has come back, but she has a few guesses as to why. For the sake of the moment, however, Nayeli doesn't want to bring up the question of 'why' for fear of learning something that will ruin their time here together.
Kein gives an eager nod when she asks him if he means it. More than anything. Before he can say so, though, her smile fades. Fine. He takes a deep, forced breath, then says, "Just think about it, okay?" He can't try to convince her to leave her family. That would be cruel, because even if she is no fonder of Chesmu now than when Kein and his family left, she has other family to think about. But he can hope. Now that she has accepted him again, he can hope, more strongly than ever before.
( Continued in 'Not Fit To Lead' )
Nayeli - Female Adolescent Cougar
Kein - Male Adolesent COugar
Scene:
Nayeli and Kein meet up for the first time since Kein and his family fled Amaranth, and slowly but surely, their relationship is repaired.
- Sloping Gradient -
Nayeli would never claim to have any of the so-called "gifts" and "abilities" of the tribe's shamaness, but she can't help but admit to herself that there /does/ seem to be something in the air. Some.. /feeling/, as it were. Something is about to happen. And as such, Nayeli finds a small amount of irony in her own restless wandering around the tribal lands--doing a "patrol" of sorts. As much as she's distanced herself from her father, it's amusing in a way that she's now doing exactly what he does. Okay, so maybe her walkthrough of the stone formations /was/ a bit quicker than anywhere else! That place now really gives her the creeps, ever since that "dream" several days ago. But now she's approaching the eastern border of the lands, and her pace quickens slightly as she picks up what seems to be foreign scents and sounds from up ahead.
Kein has taken the opportunity his family gave him to rest. Now that he is here, though, he is far from sleepy. He's letting himself recover from the trip back, currently lying right under the first tree he ever climbed, but he is wide awake. While trying to avoid thinking about the unpleasant few days that are ahead of them, he is spending more time looking over... Well, what used to be home. It doesn't feel like home anymore. Maybe even the stone formations wouldn't feel like home either, now or ever again, and since the oasis definitely isn't home... The idea that he doesn't have one isn't any more pleasant than thinking about what they have yet to do, so he turns his head to look elsewhere, away from the cave and the trees immediately around it.
Long after these events will be finished, Nayeli will still never be able to decide whether or not it was simply a coincidence that she happened to come within sight of Kein right as he happened to look in her direction. It's him that she immediately notices, followed by a cursory recognition of the rest of his family. The absence of Ruut'h isn't really noticed--she could be simply out of view for all Nayeli knows. It's Kein, though, that occupies her foremost attention, and for the briefest of moments Nayeli is halfway tempted to believe this is another cruel dream that he's caused her to be trapped in. But no.. she knows this is no dream, and there's no denying the fact that Kein /is/ here. He's back in Amaranth, and Nayeli simply isn't ready to handle that. Let alone all that this could mean for her father. With a sinking feeling, the adolescent turns and slinks away, not sure what to do. Should she go straight to her father and tell him the news? That's probably what her duty to Amaranth would require, but... she needs a moment to handle this herself, first. Slinking behind a tree, she sits down and tries to compose herself.
Kein's jaw drops when he spots Nayeli. Or, if it's not Nayeli, then it is /definitely/ what Nayeli looked like in that dream. That nightmare. It doesn't last long, as she almost immediately retreats, and he flattens his ears against his head. He knew it. She doesn't want anything to do with him, but... Before he leaves here, he has to finish it, has to make it real. Has to never again have even the slightest hope for repairing the friendship that once meant so much to him, that was once fundamental in his development. So he pulls himself to his feet and begins walking towards his mother. "Mom...?" He doesn't need her to all of a sudden realize he isn't there and start worrying about him. Not with everything else that's going on. He just hopes this will be quick, so Nayeli doesn't get too far away, because this isn't precisely like his dream. She won't just return against her will.
It would probably have been a lot easier for Kein if his mother had seen Nayeli as well. Then again, it might have made it harder, as well. "Yes, Kein?" Maulisho asks, turning her head to look over at her son. He's so difficult to read--he's been this way for quite a while now.
It's not intentional, but Kein definitely doesn't do anything to help his mother know what he's thinking. He stops several feet away from her and takes a deep breath, then speaks. "I have to go for a few minutes. I'll be right back. Okay?" Though he doesn't mean to, he is testing the boundaries of the independence she offered him earlier. It's small, evident only in the way he phrased what he said, the way he told her what his plans were, /then/ asked if she was all right with it, instead of starting off by asking. Even he doesn't realize that's what he's doing, but it is one step in the long road that will one day lead to him saying goodbye to her, Kasim, and Pel, to him setting out to find his own way.
There's the briefest of hesitations, then Maulisho finally nods. If Kein needs to take care of business, then he's free to do so. She trusts that he's old enough now to not run off into trouble, and to remember exactly why they've come back. It's not like he's gone out of his way to show admiration for Chesmu and what he's done, so she has no worries that he'll try something foolish.
Kein is not quite surprised at how easily that went, but... Part of him still expects any part of this that could be difficult to be difficult. Still, as she nods, he turns to the north again, to try to find Nayeli. She can't have gotten /too/ far. As he walks away from his mother, his mood is somber, which is reflected in his body language. He's basically expecting a repeat of his nightmare, more or less... Except for that once Nayeli decides she's finished listening to him this time, nothing will bring her back. Ever.
Still behind the tree, Nayeli feels as though she's finally managed a better grip on her emotions. Now she can spend a brief moment and try to decide what the best course of action would be. If all those cougars are going to remain there for the night, then maybe she can alert her father sometime later on. Her ears swivel, thinking that she might have picked up a sound from someone approaching. No.. there wasn't any other creature nearby that might have made that sound when she came back this way. No prey animals anywhere in the vicinity. The only other possibility would be one of the new arrivals, and they'd be making a lot more noise if they were passing back through this way.
Nayeli's scent is still strong, and so Kein's pace remains slow. As he walks, he spots her suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, and turns to face her. She's still half behind the tree, from where he is, but... She's there. She didn't run, not really. Kein doesn't move, and it takes effort for him to speak. He can still hear her yelling at him in the dream, and he doesn't expect her reaction to be much better here, so absolutely the first thing he says is, "I'm sorry, Nayeli."
There's a sharp gasp, and Nayeli's head whips around to stare at Kein. There's a lot of emotion that flickers through her eyes, and her cheek muscles clench as she tries hard not to lose control of herself. "How do I know this isn't another one of your dreams?" she finally asks, not immediately responding to the male's apology. What if this isn't a dream? Does that mean she can just leave? But /should/ she? If Kein and his family are back to stay for good, this could very well mean that he'll never leave her alone. Dare she leave Amaranth lands entirely?
What the girl asks doesn't make any sense. Another one of his dreams? But... How could she even know about that? Not even Mom or Pel know about it. But is this another one of his dreams? It can't be. He remembers coming here. He remembers waking up a few hours ago. As realistic as that dream was, he can /smell/ her now, as well as countless other things. He can hear the wind blowing leaves around. And if he shouted, Mom would come running. If /either/ of them shouted... "It /isn't/ a dream. This is real, and... And I need to talk to you. Please."
As best as she can remember, Kein hadn't said that it wasn't a dream when it really /was/ a dream. But.. he /could/ have, couldn't he? How does she know she can believe him? It just doesn't /feel/ like that dream, so... he must be right. "I just wanted to make sure that you weren't trapping me here like you did when..." She takes a shuddering breath. "Nevermind." Swallowing, she tries her best to keep her voice even. "What do you want to talk about? Why are you all back here again?"
She had the same dream he did. The realization startles him. He opens his mouth, but he can't speak immediately. Can he even address it at all? He's not sure. Probably best not to try, right now. There are more important things to say. "We..." Why /are/ they back here? To confront Nayeli's father, of course, but Kein still isn't sure how, and he's not sure he should be telling her that, anyway. He's not sure how much Chesmu has turned his daughter against them, in the long months they've been gone. "We just /had/ to come back. But... That's not what I want to talk about." Not yet, anyway.
Nayeli is about to echo Kein's statement in a none-too-convinced tone, but then hesitates when he adds the latter qualifier. "Then... what /do/ you want to talk to me about?" It had better not be about that dream. She spent far too long after it trying to recover from the emotional trauma of that. She has a bad feeling that the dream /is/ what he wants to discuss with her... either that or the awful incident from a long time ago.
Kein sits. This is harder than he imagined it would be, and he stares at the ground. All of this for some stupid comment he made when he was a lot younger. And is it worth it? Probably not. She hasn't made even the slightest attempt to meet him half-way, which should be all the proof he needs that this is futile, and because of that, it's hard to keep resentment from creeping into his tone, and harder still to keep tears from welling up in his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and... I'm sorry that I couldn't come back, that I couldn't save you and your sister... I'm sorry that I'm not what you expected me to be." He never has been, and the idea of disappointing her hurts almost as much as the idea of disappointing his mother. Or at least it used to. Now? Now he has no /idea/ what he's feeling.
It's almost ironic how Kein's words are so close to the root of the whole problem, and yet he probably doesn't even realize it. He's sorry that he's not what she expected him to be. Does he even realize the extent of how true his words are? Does he realize how often, before that fateful day, she would brag about Kein to her father or anyone else who would listen, and imagine him one day as a great and mighty chieftain? Does he realize how often, after that fateful day, she would cry herself to sleep at night, trying to figure out what terrible evil she had done to bring her world crashing down like that? What terrible thing she had done to finally cause Kein to push her away? It was a long and painful journey before she came to the realization that it wasn't necessarily her blame to carry. Kein /was/ at fault for that, and in her eyes the entirety of his hero-image had shattered for good. All of this flashes through her mind in the course of a single second. Her voice is hoarse: "I guess I have to accept your apology, don't I?" There's nothing in her expression, tone, or demeanor that suggests any enjoyment or relief in this possibility. Only a weary and reluctant acceptant of the fact.
"There's no one here to scold you if you don't." And maybe with time, Kein will be able to admit to himself that there was no way he ever could have lived up to her expectations of him. That there's no way /anyone/ could have lived up to her expectations, and he'll be able to do the same thing she has. Move on. Let her go, as she ordered him to do in their dream. /Their/ dream. Not his, or hers, but... But something they shared. The only thing they have shared in a long time, and something he has never shared with anyone else, like... Well, like teaching her how to track. Their secret. With this thought comes the realization of how much he has /missed/ her, and all thought of getting past this leaves him. For just a moment, he lets go of the pride that he kept even through his apology. "But I would do anything in my power to help you accept it, Nayeli. I..." He draws a deep breath that catches in his throat, then another, smoother one, before he finishes quietly. "I miss having you as my friend."
Nayeli looks as though she's been struck. He dares to say that he /misses/ being her /friend/?! "Don't tell me that!" she all but yells, turning away and bashing her head forward into the side of the tree. "Don't tell me that, Kein! No!" She's far too scared to accept that from him, because it describes so accurately /her/ own feelings, and she can't possibly let Kein know that. If anything, she needs to distance herself more from him. "No!" she yells again, bashing her head forward. The starbursting pain in her head is a nice distraction from the tears and heartache that are close to consuming her. If anything, she'd love to knock herself out. Blackness...
Kein never knows what might cause her to yell, not in his dreams and not here. He is shocked by her reaction, but it only takes her hitting her head against the tree a second time for him to do something. She's /not/ supposed to hurt herself over him. She's not supposed to get herself lost, panic, or cause herself pain over /him/. He jumps forward, trying to place himself between her and the tree and shouting, "Stop!" For the moment, he doesn't care who hears him, so long as she stops what she's doing. "Just... Stop... Please." When will she learn that she only has to ask him to do whatever it is she wants him to do, whether it's not saying a specific thing or not being anywhere near her?
The girl tries bashing her head one more time, but this time it's stopped by Kein's impenetrable shoulder. Growling now, Nayeli rams her head into the shoulder again, followed by another growl. "Get out of my way!" Knowing that he never will let her hit the tree again, she proceeds to swipe at his head with a forepaw, though without any claws extended. If anything, she's more furious at his insistence on not letting the past just simply stay buried. He just /has/ to keep trying to settle things, be it in a dream that she can't escape or now in a real-life confrontration with her former hero. "I don't want you here!" But for once her words lack the conviction that they formerly had. Just the fact that he's trying to shield her from pain has already begun to corrode the emotional barriers that she's worked so hard to build up.
Kein doesn't have time to move out of the way, and he winces and lets out a brief growl when her paw connects his his head, causing him to jerk away slightly. He remains between her and the tree, though, and he does nothing to retaliate. Regardless of the lack of conviction, he is hurt by what she says, and so he shouts back. "I'll leave, then! You know I will." He did before, in the dream, just as soon as he knew she wasn't going to get herself lost. Hurt. And he can no longer keep a few tears from escaping. "I'll leave, but you can't hurt yourself."
"I can hurt myself if I want to!" Nayeli tries narrowing her eyes, but that only makes it difficult to see through the tears. Kein is going to be stubborn, is he? Well, she can be stubborn too. "You can't stand there forever! My father will come by here sooner or later, and then you'll /have/ to move." Not that she has any doubt that her father won't want her hurting herself either, but that's beside the point. It's the fact that Kein is combining both his words and actions to drive home a single point: that he still does care about his friend. His /former/ friend, the girl reminds herself angrily. But still... he's trying hard to return to that point, isn't he? But going back there could allow for all the future pain and heartache that she's already gone through--/is/ going through!--and she doesn't want to make herself vulnerable again.
"No!" Kein is already growling at the thought of Chesmu showing up. Oh, how he would love to repay some of the pain he and his family members have experienced because of Chesmu, something he suspects he'll never be allowed to do. In this moment, though, he doesn't care that he is not yet fully grown, that he would probably die. The anger is a welcome replacement for all of the pain and grief this encounter is causing him. "I /won't/ let him do bad things any more, Nayeli, and that includes helping you hurt yourself!"
He's still be stubborn! "But /why/ won't you let me?" Nayeli asks, tensing slightly as though preparing for another swipe. "What does it matter to you? Why do you care what I do?" There's the tiniest bit of curiosity now, as she noticed the rather emphasized response to the idea of her father coming. Does it really worry him that much? Is he really determined to make sure that she stops hurting herself to the point that any obstruction to that end now becomes an anxiety to him?
It's not just about Nayeli. It's about Chesmu and Mom and Pel and Kasim... And it's about Ruut'h. And though this hurts him, though he shies backwards slightly as she looks like she is going to hit him again, he's not willing to be a contributing factor to another innocent girl getting hurt, or worse. "Because I want you to be happy, okay? I want you to be safe." As quickly as it was there, the anger has gone out of his tone. He's defeated, or damn near. He's willing to accept his part of the responsibility for everything that happened, to try to make up for it, but he can't do more. Nayeli can't accept that he'll do whatever it takes to see she doesn't hurt herself any more, even if it just means leaving her alone. As such, it seems the best he can do is stand between her and the tree until she decides to start using her claws and teeth to get him out of the way, or until Chesmu happens by, in which case only one of them will be walking away, if Kein has any say about it. And it'll probably be Chesmu.
With a snarl, Nayeli lashes out with her paw again... but stops only an inch or two away from actually striking Kein's muzzle. Her eyes are locked onto his, and her voice is trembling. "You're.. just saying... that..." She swallows hard. "Do you.. really mean it?" Her paw is slowly lowered to the ground. "But /why/ do you want me to be happy and safe?" Nevermind if he's said or implied the answer already. She wants to hear it definitively stated. Here and now.
Kein winces even before her paw hits, biting his tongue to keep himself from growling or crying out once she strikes him. It takes him a moment, then, to realize that she hasn't struck him, and to look at her. "Because..." Is it even fair for him to say this? He has said he misses her being his friend, but that doesn't quite cover it all. There's a much simpler explanation, and after a breath, he finishes what he started to say. "Because I love you, Nayeli." He's not quite thinking in a romantic sense, but it's true. He cares for her as much as he cares for his own family, and since the emotions she inspires in him aren't negative, not even when she's expecting more of him than he's capable of giving... Love is probably the only way of defining it.
Those simple words are spoken, and suddenly Nayeli is no longer here with Kein. She's back at the top of a certain tree, at a much younger age, and now listening wide-eyed to a much larger cougaress. Her words, as much as Nayeli tried to forget them in the weeks afterward, still managed to cling to her memory, and now they whisper once again: "You just wait and see, Nayeli. One day he's going to tell you that he loves you, because he's finally figured out that it's more important to be your friend than your hero." And now, back where she's standing no more than a foot away from her childhood hero, she's hearing him fulfill his mother's words without even realizing it. There is nothing in his eyes except sincerity, and she can't help but smile in response, feeling a lump building in her throat.
Kein is breathing more quickly than normal. It's one thing to tell his mom that he loves her, because she has never given him any reason to doubt that she'll accept that statement, even when he thinks she should have. Not since that day he wandered off and ran into that wolf, at any rate. To tell it to someone who, as far as Kein believes, hates him, though... He's just waiting for the rejection that he knows is coming, that he always expects, and that scares him more than /anything/. While waiting for her to strike him or yell at him again, he hasn't noticed she's smiling, not even while looking at her. It isn't until the silence drags on and his eyes come back into focus that he sees it, and it startles him even more than when she started yelling, and he isn't sure how to respond to her smiling, so he doesn't speak. Not yet.
But there is no rejection. If her smile isn't enough to convince Kein of this, then her words surely provide an additional measure of confidence: "I'm not really sure what to say. That really.. means a lot to me, Kein." There's still the final step for her to take though. The final step that both terrifies and thrills her. It will require her to shed all of the barriers that she's worked so hard to put it. It will require her to become vulnerable again, and she's scared of what that might mean. But right here in front of her, with nothing to lose, Kein has done just that. And he's told her that it's /because/ of her. /For/ her. Should she do anything less for her former best friend? With something akin to ferocity, she suddenly steps forward and pushes her head up against Kein's chest and neck. "And I love you too, Kein." Is that a purr? "My friend."
Kein doesn't moves as she steps forward. If he had the mental capacity to be expecting anything, he'd probably be expecting her to attack him again, but he's still thrown off by everything that has happened. The feels of her pressed against him and the sound of her purring are more comforting than anything he has felt or heard in a long time, though, and he has to fight back a sob of relief. He isn't entirely successful, but at least it's silent, showing only in a jerk of his head before he nuzzles against her neck. Finally, for the first time in months, he purrs back in response, not thinking about the way Ruut'h looked when she died or his biological father or anything except for how pleasant this moment is.
He's purring too! It's a truly beautiful sound--their purring in near-harmony. Would she have dared believe that this would ever happen? But.. it is. Even if the purring wasn't enough, the feel of his fur on hers is more than enough to convince her that this /is/ real. "It's kind of funny," she murmurs, "I keep reminding myself that this isn't a dream, and yet... I wouldn't mind being trapped here with you, even if this /was/ a dream." Her laugh is awkward and soft, but yet there's genuine mirth in it.
Kein gives her a light lick, then pulls his head back enough so that he can speak clearly. "You don't have to be trapped. You can stay with me forever." It's more a question than a statement. Will she? If this doesn't work out? If they don't win in whatever confrontation is going to happen with Chesmu, will Nayeli leave with them? More importantly, what will she do if they /do/ win? Will she still want anything to do with him? For this reason, and this reason only, Kein has second thoughts about challenging the chieftain. He's not one to run away, but... If they just leave, all of them... Then who is left here to care about?
She wouldn't really be /trapped/ if she stays with him of her own free will, right? "Do you really mean that?" Her smile can now best be described as delighted. But... then it fades, as her thoughts now run in a parallel direction as the male's. She doesn't know why his family has come back, but she has a few guesses as to why. For the sake of the moment, however, Nayeli doesn't want to bring up the question of 'why' for fear of learning something that will ruin their time here together.
Kein gives an eager nod when she asks him if he means it. More than anything. Before he can say so, though, her smile fades. Fine. He takes a deep, forced breath, then says, "Just think about it, okay?" He can't try to convince her to leave her family. That would be cruel, because even if she is no fonder of Chesmu now than when Kein and his family left, she has other family to think about. But he can hope. Now that she has accepted him again, he can hope, more strongly than ever before.
( Continued in 'Not Fit To Lead' )