"Will you tell them about me?"

[Therdde]

Characters:
Maulisho - Female Cougar
Kein - Male Adolescent Cougar

- Sloping Gradient -

It's promising to be another beautiful day, though Maulisho can't help but wonder as she watches Nayeli head off if the events and conversations in the next several hours are going to be as cheerful as the weather. Stretching once more, the cougaress lets her gaze move from the now-distant form of the younger girl over to where Kein seems to be waiting. "Good morning, Kein... did you sleep well?" It's a little surprising to see him up and out of the cave this early, but not an unwelcome surprise by any means. Maulisho is glad to see her son is making a good recovery, though the sight of his scars still causes her to feel both angry and sympathetic. Any hostility was supposed to be entirely between Chesmu and herself, and the fact that her son got caught in the middle.. and injured so severely.. well, she felt entirely justified in the retribution she unleashed on Chesmu in return.

Kein can't decide whether he envies Nayeli, whether he would welcome the opportunity to put this off for longer, even if only for the period it will take her to find her family members. He is leaning towards yes, with how he stuck by the mouth of the cave until his mother noticed him. Once she greets him, though, he begins walking the short distance to her. His gait is only slightly stiff, and that's not from pain. It's from how much time he has spent lying down recently. There is sadness in his tone when he says, "Good morning, Mom."

The sadness is noted, though Maulisho doesn't want to assume anything as to the reason behind it. She does, however, have a question for Kein: "How is Nayeli doing? I know the two of you have been talking a lot together over the past few days." Of course, it wouldn't be hard for her to ask Nayeli directly, but Maul wants to hear her son describe his friend's current condition. It's a small exercise, in a sense, for Kein to look past his own struggles and injuries to make sure that his friend's wellbeing is considered. Not that Maulisho has any doubt that Kein's doing exactly that; she just wants to confirm this.

Kein sits down a short distance away from his mother when she asks her question. It takes him a moment to reply, if only because his mind wasn't on Nayeli. That has been a rarity these past few days, but even so, he finds himself uncertain of how he should answer. Finally, he says, "She's... excited." That excitement has been contagious, rekindling the happiness and enthusiasm he felt before Chesmu attacked him... But without her nearby, and with this task at paw, it hasn't lasted. How could he possibly be excited about saying goodbye to the cougars he has known all his life?

"And are you excited too?" There are plenty of possibilities as to what Maulisho is referring to. Excited about leaving, excited about getting to take Nayeli with him, excited about exploring... the cougaress really isn't looking for any particular answer. She just wants Kein to obtain this same excitement that he sees in his friend. If anything, it will be a welcome buffer against the sadness and homesickness that she knows Kein will inevitably experience--she's guessing the same is true for Nayeli as well.

"I am, sometimes." It is, after all, easy not to think about the realities of what they'll be facing when he's talking with Nayeli, when she's smiling and laughing. Not right now, though. "Other times, I'm nervous... Scared." Like when he's alone, or when Nayeli is sleeping and he isn't... And even when he's sleeping, sometimes. Kein never used to be scared. Even after what happened to Ruut'h, he was never really afraid of being on his own, of wandering around, within a safe distance. He hates thinking of the possibility that Chesmu inspired this fear in him, and he can't know for certain. If it's just natural nervousness at being really away from his family for the first time ever, he'll deal with it, but... If it's because he got hurt, just once... Then it certainly shatters a part of his self-image.

Though she's quite used to her son not being as energetic and enthusiastic as he was as a cub, Maulisho still is a little surprised to hear him speak so openly about his negative emotions. It's somewhat of a relief, even. She knows that Kein certainly possesses his own fears, but to hear him voice those... it gives even more credibility to the idea of him being ready to live on his own. Well, with Nayeli too, of course, but he'll be the one leading her. Without him being able to admit his own hesitation like this, Maul isn't sure that he'd be truly ready. "You should be, you know. Taking the girl you love out into a dangerous world isn't something to be done lightly." Time to tread a fine balance between discouraging Kein's hopes of ever leaving Amaranth and sounding like she's trying to be too philosophical.

Kein isn't sure what he expected to hear his mother say in response. If he actually expected anything at all. Either way, what she says doesn't really surprise him, but it doesn't reassure him, either. After all, the last time he led a girl away from her family, it didn't end very well. "I know, Mom. I haven't forgotten." He'll never forget... And he'll do absolutely everything within his power to make sure that Nayeli doesn't meet a similar fate.

Maulisho hadn't even been thinking of Ruut'h at all, though she supposes the correlation is indeed valid. So.. that's why Kein is afraid? He's thinking about how he was unable to save his sister. Maulisho hasn't even been remotely stern in this conversation, yet her gaze and tone still soften a little. "I hope you never forget that your love for each other is the greatest protection you can offer." The willingness to go hungry so she can eat, or the courage to face certain death so she can live... the possibilities are endless. And, perhaps to put it in a slightly different light: "Without Kasim's love, I wouldn't have made it this far." It works both ways, of course. If she hadn't loved Kasim so dearly in return, she might not have had quite the heartfelt drive to escape from Chesmu.

Quiet, laid-back Kasim. Slow to defend himself and others Kasim. If Kasim could provide all the protection that his Mom could have needed... Then surely Kein will be able to do the same for Nayeli, right? Of course, Mom is also a lot stronger, emotionally, than Nayeli is, or so the young male thinks. He couldn't ever imagine Mom doing something so self-destructive as banging her head against a tree to knock herself out... Like, say, attempting suicide by wolf pack. So maybe it's okay that Kasim was a little more laid back... Because, just maybe, like he and Nayeli seem to match up well... Maybe that's what his mother and Kasim are like. Two halves of the same cougar, with completely different strengths and personalities that nevertheless compliment those of the other. In which case... What his mother says makes sense. After all, what good would just half a cougar be? With a small smile, and in a tone a little less sad than before, he says, "Thanks, Mom." He might have to think about it sometimes, but she has never failed to say /something/ that makes him feel better, makes him understand things a little bit more.

If Kein had anything in particular that he was planning on saying, or any particular reason for coming out of the cave, Maulisho still hasn't heard or seen it yet. But that doesn't matter to her--if she's managed to encourage her son, then that's good enough for her. She gives him a smile in return, wanting to say more, but deciding to remain quiet for now in case Kein does want to speak. It's probably why he came out here in the first place, after all. But then again, perhaps he was just looking for some encouragement. Nayeli didn't seem sad when she left, but maybe Kein's apparent distress came from his thoughts, rather than an unpleasant conversation between he and his friend.

A large part of the problem is that Kein still doesn't know /how/ to say it. How he'll ever manage without tearing up. He looks away from her, to the north, for a while. While he's looking away, he says, softly, "I'm going to miss this a lot, Mom." Sooner rather than later. He still doesn't know if Yuma will welcome his presence here after he has left, and will they find a place that is close enough that, if he has a terribly gnawing problem, he can still seek her advice, or will he just have to manage on his own from now on?

She certainly suspected that this was probably what contributing to Kein's sorrowful demeanor. Maulisho knew that goodbye would come sooner or later, and.. well.. it appears that the time has finally come. And for once, the cougaress who has somehow always instinctively known what to say to her son... is silent. At a loss for words. It probably doesn't matter how hard she's tried to prepare herself emotionally for this--tears spring to her eyes, regardless. She's going to miss Kein something fierce, despite knowing that he'll be truly happy, exploring the world with his beloved friend.

Kein can't imagine what life will be like without his mother. He has never wanted to be away from her. Ever. No matter how much he was in trouble, how angry he thought she would be with him, he never even dreamed of leaving. When she first spoke to him of being chieftain, it seemed like he might be living in the same territory as her until she was very old, and now... He wishes, so much, that he could ask her to come with him, but he can't. That doesn't mean he can't ask her something else, though. Still looking away from her, he says, "I don't know how soon we'll be able to come back here, but... You'll visit us, right? As soon as we know where we'll be staying?" There is something very fragile in his tone. If she said no, it's likely that he would lose what strength he has, that the fear of never seeing him again would cripple his ability to leave, at least today.

There's always the question of how she'll find out where they're staying... perhaps a messenger of some sort. Or perhaps Kein will come back to visit first, informing his family of where he and Nayeli are currently living. Regardless, Maulisho has every intention of seeing her son again, and she knows that Kasim and Pelutho certainly share the same feelings as she. But once again, it's as if her throat has become so constricted with grief that she's unable to speak a single word; her affirmative response is simply a brief nod, with a few tears trickling down her cheeks. She does her best to smile, though, for Kein's benefit. It's not hard to figure out from his tone that his decision to leave is still somewhat tentative at best. His desire to leave is certainly there, but conflicting with plenty of other desires as well. Family, for example.

Kein can, at least, spot the movement out of the corner of his eye. This keeps him from breaking down, but at his mother's silence, he looks at her and stands to close the short distance between them, intending to rub against her. He has time, he knows, before Nayeli returns, but after having made his intention to leave today reasonably clear, it feels like what time he has left is slipping away entirely too quickly.

Maulisho's smile only widens when she sees what her son intends to do; it's only a short step forward before she can rub her body back against his. She begins to purr a little, though it's more of a choked, rattling sound through all of the thick emotion she's experiencing. It simply will not be the same without him, even though she still has Kasim and Pelutho. This leavetaking of her oldest son will create a void that will never be filled, and one that Maulisho will probably never completely get used to. Yes, she will eventually overcome her grief, but she anticipates a dull ache, similar to what she feels when thinking about Ruut'h. And while Kein won't be gone forever in the same way, and even though he'll hopefully be able to visit from time to time, he will still be /gone/. Out of her life.

Kein doesn't bother trying to speak again. Not right away. He just rubs against his mom, nuzzling into her side, taking in her familiar scent. He'll get by without her. The longer that goes by, the more he knows that. He doesn't know /how/, but he knows he'll manage. He /will/ miss her, though. He'll miss even just curling up against her every once in a while, the times he got to sleep next to her. Maybe not as much as he would have if Nayeli hadn't agreed to join him, but even with her there... Unlike the last time he tried to say goodbye, he doesn't need her to be speaking now. Just being near her for a while is enough.

It seems as though there are a hundred different things that Maulisho wants to tell Kein, and it seems as though every one of those things are what she's already told him, from the time when he was just a cub all the way through his life until now. Be careful when dealing with strangers. A good hunter is always aware of how heavy his pawsteps are. Always watch out for the unexpected striking speed of a snake. Never hurt or kill out of revenge. There are so many of these thoughts that seem to swirl through Maulisho's mind--everything she's taught Kein, and everything she's afraid he'll forget once he's living apart from her. Will he remember to make sure not to sleep on wet bedding? Or to keep his claws sharp and maintained? Knowing that she needs to just let go of this motherly anxiety, Maulisho just tries to enjoy the physical closeness.. while it lasts.

Kein feels like he could stay here like this until Nayeli returns and not grow tired of it. Would his mom tire of it, though? And he still needs to say goodbye to Pelutho and Kasim. How long does he really have? How long will it take Nayeli to find everyone she feels she needs to say goodbye to? Finally, he pulls his head back so he can speak, though he remains pressed against her. "I really love you, Mom. And everything will be okay." He has to tell himself this, and by and large, he does believe it. Kasim was already angry with Chesmu, finally. If the former chieftain were to try anything else, there's almost no doubt Kasim would stand with his mother against Chesmu, and Yuma could not stop it. Not without banishing all of them, Mom, Pel, and Kasim, and then... Well, /then/ maybe they could all be together again.

"I love you too, Kein.. so very much." Maulisho is finally able to speak past the lump in her throat, though her eyes are still watery with tears. She truly does believe everything will be okay--both for Kein and Nayeli, as well as for the rest of their family. "I know that I might seem sad to see you go--and I am!--I'm also really happy for you." The cougaress takes a deep breath to try and calm her voice, then explains: "You have all of your adult years in front of you, and you get to spend them exploring new lands with your best friend. I'm so happy that you have this opportunity, and I hope that you enjoy every minute of it." She smiles again as she gives him an assuring nuzzle.

She says she's happy. That's all Kein has ever wanted for his mother. She deserves happiness. He just wishes it didn't have to come with that sadness attached to it. There is nothing he can do about it now, though. He can't make everything be absolutely perfect, no matter how much he might want to. And besides, even though he is sometimes worried, sometimes scared, he /is/ looking forward to a good bit of what lies ahead of them. There's always the chance that he would have ended up unhappy that he didn't get to do and see more if he had taken over as the chieftain of Amaranth. So though it takes him some time to find the words, and his voice, he finally answers with, "I will, Mom. And I hope you and Pelutho and Kasim are always happy here."

Maulisho smiles again, feeling more like her former motherly self. "My happiness doesn't come from where I'm at. It's dependent on being with my mate, and knowing that my sons are happy.. and /thriving/. That's what I want for you, Kein. To /thrive/. I don't want you to worry about things outside of your control, or to worry about the future to the point that it paralyzes you. You need to go out and conquer life!" She hadn't exactly planned on any kind of a rousing speech to send Kein off with, but Maulisho supposes that it's better than just dismissing him with her tears.

Kein will always do anything within his power to make his mother happy. Luckily, what she asks of him is well within his power. He nods solemnly, his own emotional state preventing him from smiling or purring, but he knows it will get better. "I will. Thanks to you." There were so many things she did, every day, to nurture him. When she was tired, hurt, or upset with him, she still always did her best. He knows that, and he also knows her best is easily good enough. She raised him well. How could he fail to thrive with everything she has given and taught him?

Maulisho falls silent, as there doesn't seem to be anything more she needs or wants to say. Once again, she's just content to let the moment linger as they remain in contact with each other. It will be up to Nayeli to take her place, in a sense, and become the cougaress that Kein can strive to please. Not quite in the same kind of relationship he has with her, but yet in somewhat of a similar manner. Maulisho doesn't think that will be a difficult thing for her son to do at all, at least judging from the interaction she's seen between Kein and his friend.

Kein turns, only so that he can be side by side with his mother, and then sits beside her, after which he takes a deep breath. He has grown so much since the last time they both sat here, near this cave. Finally, with a small smile, he reaches his right forepaw out and presses it down onto the ground, then draws it back to look at the pawprint he left. He was so amazed, back then, with his ability to impact something so large as the ground. His ability to leave a pawprint no longer impresses him, but the memory of his first journey outside, with his mother nearby, does drive away some of the sadness.

There's something so immensely adorable about that single action. And while Maulisho knows that 'adorable' probably isn't an adjective Kein would consider for himself anymore, given his definite maturity and age, Maul still can't help but think of how much that single pawprint seems to connect all the dots in Kein's lifetime. There's something finalizing about it--he did that as a newcomer here in Amaranth, and now he's doing it again to symbolize his departure from Amaranth. Maulisho resist the temptation to press her own pawprint into the ground; instead, she gives a small chuckle and says, "Goodness! I think your paws have definitely become way bigger than mine can ever hope to be!"

Kein's smile remains. There was so much more they did that day, but one thing in particular stands out. "You did say I'd be big someday." Today-Kein is to ThatDay-Kein as the Outside is to the Inside. He doesn't remember everything about his childhood, but he'll always remember his first time venturing outside the cave, and the thoughts make him happy, even though he realizes how incredibly silly, uneducated, he was back then. Today, he would never jump at something so simple as the wind brushing against his fur, but he's capable of thinking of what he did as cute. It would be embarrassing if his mother were to tell Nayeli about it, but with Nayeli elsewhere, he can just smile at the memory.

Maulisho does indeed remember telling Kein that, though it seems like both yesterday and a lifetime ago. She can think of so many ways that her son has grown up, and yet it has flown past. Cub yesterday, wondering why the sun never stayed still for very long, and adult tomorrow, teaching his own cubs the very same thing. "You have grown big and strong, in more ways than just one." It wasn't just some big dumb brute who stood up to Chesmu.. or who humbled himself before Nayeli. He has plenty more to grow and to learn--parenting is one big area that comes to mind--but Maulisho is just as confident that he'll be grow successfully in the future as she was back when Kein was only a cub.

"I always just wanted you to be proud of me. I'm glad that you are." He can be satisfied with how he turned out as long as that remains true, and Kein can tell that it is. She might not agree with him on everything, but she hasn't tried to make him change his mind about anything he has decided since he suggested Yuma should act as chieftain, and she doesn't exactly have a history of leaving him alone when he makes really bad decisions, so...

Oh, she's definitely proud of him, for sure. "We're all proud of you," Maulisho says, sitting down as well to match her son's posture. "Kasim and Pelutho too, though they might not say it as often." And, of course, there's Nayeli, and it doesn't take an enormous amount of insight to realize that she's most definitely proud of her friend. Proud.. with a good deal of loving admiration mixed in. "We're all proud of how you never give up, no matter how hard it might seem to fix whatever's wrong. You always try so hard to do what you can to help the situation." An aspect of his inherent leadership, no doubt.

Kein's smile remains, but it gets slightly smaller. His tone is appropriately serious when he says, "That's the right thing to do." He might not always particularly want to do a specific thing, but he /does/ want to do what's right, and ignoring a bad situation is far from being right.

Maulisho looks over to where Kasim is fast asleep, knowing and loving how he's always wanting to do the right thing as well. Perhaps not as vocally or intensely as Kein might, given her mate's rather passive nature, but regardless, she recognizes the same desire to do what's right that she knows her son possesses. "I have to ask you something." She hesitates, realizing that Kein's desire to leave might still be a little shaky. Well, she needs to know, so she might as well ask. "Do you really and truly believe that you leaving is the right thing to do?" The question is asked in as neutral a tone as Maulisho can manage; the last thing she wants is to inadvertently influence her son's response by anything he detects in her tone.

Kein lays his ears back when his mother asks what she does. It isn't what he expected, and even though he does think it's the right thing, it doesn't mean he likes the question, because he /wants/ to stay. There is a brief pause before he answers, and when he does, it's with everything he planned to tell her as soon as the conflict was over, before everything fell apart. "It was the right thing to do at the time. I didn't think Chesmu was going to just stand down like he did, and I didn't want you to get hurt." Because Kasim didn't seem to be supporting them, and him and mom against Chesmu, Yuma, Chandani, and maybe even Nayeli... But then Chesmu /did/ stand down, and afterwards... "The cougaresses here didn't see fit to get rid of him. I don't think they would have accepted me... I can only hope they'll accept his son a little easier... And besides... I can't turn back now." It was one thing to challenge Chesmu for the territory. He can't challenge Yuma, not even once he is truly healed, a hundred percent. He has a much higher chance of winning, yes, but Yuma has done nothing to deserve that. Not yet, anyway.

Maulisho is quiet and still as she listens; none of what Kein says comes as any real surprise. But it's not the answer that she was seeking, probably due to a failure to phrase her question correctly. "Do you /still/ believe that leaving is the right thing to do?" she asks as soon as Kein falls silent. It's not a matter of whether or not he feels obligated or forced to leave--she wants to know if he really thinks he's making the right choice. There /is/ a difference. A big one.

Because Kein feels he has to leave, he has never bothered to think about whether it's right. When he speaks again, his answer is a little disjointed. "I... I don't know. I mean... It's not right for me to /stay/. Even if... Even if it were with accepting Yuma as my chieftain, it's not right for me to stay. Not with Chesmu here." Kein can't be certain that means the right thing to do is leave, but he sees no other option, so to some degree... It has to be right, doesn't it?

It's not quite the response she was hoping for, but Maulisho supposes that she'll have to be satisfied with it. "It's certainly right for you to come back and visit," she says with a touch of humor in her voice. Not that she has any doubt at all he plans on doing that, but she can't resist the temptation to lighten the mood a bit.

Kein gives a rapid nod of his head. Of course it is. Even if only Nayeli is allowed actually within Amaranth, he'll at least escort her here, and then his family can come see him right outside of Amaranth. "I know, and I'm going to. As often as possible." Kein takes a deep breath, then asks, quietly, "Is it right for you to stay?" Even if she doesn't come with him, she could always go back to live with the wolves, or... Something. He just really wants to know she'll be safe.

Ahh, so now he's asking the question she figured would eventually be brought up. But instead of directly answering, Maulisho smiles and asks a question of her own: "Kein, you were born here in Amaranth. You spent your early childhood here. Would you have liked to be born anywhere else... like... out in the desert?" It's more of a rhetorical question, unless Kein surprises her with an affirmative response. Maulisho is pretty sure that /she/ certainly wouldn't have liked to grow up out there. And while she didn't come here to Amaranth lands until she was an adolescent, she can imagine how nice it would be to be born here.

Kein shakes his head slightly, but he doesn't leave it at that. "I wouldn't have liked to be born there, but there are other places." Mom would know that better than he does, anyway. Unless the desert /is/ all there is. Mom might know that too, but Kein kind of doubts it. The world is much larger than even she knows. She has as much as told him so.

Again, not quite the response that she was hoping for, but... it'll have to do. This might not be the best thing to spring on her son right before he leaves, but she figures that if he derives happiness from her own, the way she does from his, then this might be something that can cheer him up a bit. "The reason I'm asking is because.. well.. I /do/ think it's the right thing for me to stay here. It's because.. I want your new brothers and sisters to be born here in Amaranth. In that same cave-" She points a paw. "-right there."

New brothers and sisters? But... Kein looks at his mother, shocked into silence for a moment. Is she... Right now? How long until she has them? Will /they/ be safe? The question he does ask, though, is the only one he thinks he could handle the answer to. "Are they... They're Kasim's?" Of course the answer is yes. Mom insisted that Chesmu got no where with her, and who else could be the father? He would know if someone else had done the same thing Azriel did, wouldn't he?

Maulisho bursts out laughing, knowing that she surprised Kein even more than she had expected. It's not a mocking laugh by any means--more of just a delighted amusement. "'They' don't exist just yet." She grins, knowing Kein is trying to see if his mother looks the slightest bit pregnant. "Kasim and I have been talking about having another litter, and we feel that the right time is coming soon. Chesmu has been dealt with-" There's enough confidence in her voice to dispel any thoughts that she might not feel that new cubs would be safe. If she so much as catches Chesmu within visual proximity of her cubs, he will be dealt with. Savagely. "-and now you and Pelutho are just finished growing up." She laughs again, softly this time. "I'm just so used to being a mother now that I don't know what I'd do with myself without any children to raise!"

Kein can't respond immediately. Part of him is really relieved that his mother isn't pregnant, at least not yet, and... He shouldn't be. It will make her happy, and he ought to be happy for her, but the idea worries him some. It shouldn't. He's leaving. He'll probably never even know them, not really. And maybe that's the part that worries him. He nuzzles against her side quickly while he finds his voice yet again, then he says, "I hope they'll make you proud too."

"If they're anything like you," Maulisho replies warmly, "they'll make me very proud." Now there's an interesting thought. Trying to imagine another cub like Kein.. or even multiple Keins. And what are the chances that she'll have another cub who's as quiet and shy as Pelutho? Ruut'h was more or less the only 'normal' cub in the sense of not having any particularly defining attribute--there's always the possibility of one or more of her new cubs being that way as well. And what of other personalities that she hasn't seen in a cub before? If anything, Maulisho plans on being surprised and pleased with whatever she's given.

"Will you tell them about me?" And who will be their friends? Does Ayashe intend to have more cubs soon, and, if so, with whom? Or will Mom hold off on having cubs until one of Yuma's sisters comes of age? Most importantly, why is Kein worrying about all of these things? It's not like they're his, but they will be his family, even if they never know him, and he wants to know all about them, know that /they'll/ be happy, even long before they exist.

She'd probably embarrass Kein to no end if she told him how much she plans on telling these future cubs. He'll be a great object example, for sure! "Yes, of course I will tell them about you." She nuzzles at him affectionately. "They'll look forward to seeing you and Nayeli, of course, and maybe you can even take them exploring a bit when they're older." Family reunion turned into family fun. Her tone turns amused again, even mischievous. "You can teach them how to hunt evil little mice."

Cubs. The initial shock has worn off, and even with the teasing, he smiles. With the worry about whether they'll ever know even the slightest thing about him gone, he kind of likes the idea of meeting them someday... And of taking them off to do things they'll hopefully enjoy. Like Chesmu, back before all of the yelling, misconceptions, anger, and evil deeds. He used to love it when the former chieftain would wander by, would break up the routine of normal days. Will he be like that for his younger siblings? He'd like to think of something witty to say in response to his mother's final statement, but nothing is coming, so instead he says, "I really will look forward to meeting them someday, Mom."

And with that, Maulisho thinks that any existing tension has passed. She doesn't have any more surprises for Kein, and figures that it's time to just enjoy each other's company again before he decides it's time to head on. He'll most likely have to wake up Kasim, but Maul doubts that her mate will mind. Pelutho's most likely hunting, but he shouldn't be gone that much longer. It might be only a matter of an hour or two before Kein heads off, if he was planning on leaving soon.

Kein will be leaving when Nayeli returns, unless he hasn't said goodbye to Kasim and Pel before then. As his mother grows quiet, though, Kein does the same, taking the opportunity to think about all she has said as he sits beside her.