Post by Therdde on Oct 24, 2008 19:00:57 GMT -5
Characters:
Kein - Male Adolescent Cougar
Nayeli - Female Adolescent Cougar
- Wind-Blown Lowlands -
Kein doesn't know how long it has been that they've all been here. After a while, he sat down, but he never did take his eyes off of Azriel for more than a couple seconds. As such, when the larger male looked at Nayeli, he took a deep breath, preparing for round two. What he hadn't been expecting was for the larger cougar to just leave, without a single word. He hadn't even noticed that the storm had ended. After staring at the exit for a couple moments, as though expecting Azriel to return, he looks to Nayeli again, a little confused, but very relieved.
Nayeli didn't want to bring herself to meet Azriel's gaze when he finally turned from staring outside to look over at her, but she made herself do it.. only to realize that he wasn't look at her eyes. But before she could say anything or even flush, he suddenly stood up and just left, leaving Nayeli surprised, flustered, and more than anything else, worried. The look he had on his face before leaving... Nayeli is going to make sure she stays plenty close to Kein until they're far away from here. With a shaky breath, she turns to glance over toward her friend, feeling relieved that it didn't turn out bloody as she had feared it would.
Kein finally lies down. He feels /tired/ after the strain of meeting Azriel, of the tense silence that reigned after Azriel finally stopped speaking. He turns his gaze away from Nayeli again, and says, in a weak voice, "I'm sorry." That Azriel is his father. That Nayeli had to meet him. That /he/ had to meet Azriel. That he couldn't keep Azriel from looking at Nayeli that way, from saying those things. There is much that he's sorry for.
"Don't be," is Nayeli's reactive response. "You couldn't have known he would come by and treat us like that." He couldn't have known that /anyone/ would come by, much less his own father. And to know that he would have said those things, and looked at her like that? Impossible. He doesn't need to apologize. The real issue is what do they do now? Where do they go from here? Azriel really didn't leave them any kind of closing remark to let them know what his next move was. If he even has anything planned, of course. He could very well be ignoring them from now on, for all they know. But the look he gave her...
Whatever it is, they'll handle it. Provided, of course, that she didn't believe Azriel. "I wasn't trying to hide the truth from you, Nayeli. You know that, right?" She gave him a second chance. Kein doesn't expect a third, and if she's angry with him... Well, he'll still /try/ to earn her forgiveness, but he won't be surprised if it doesn't come. It was difficult enough to repair their relationship after a single hurtful comment, and if she thinks he has been lying to her, hiding things from her... How will they come back from that?
Isn't he basing his entire defense on a simple technicality though? That Nayeli never specifically asked who his father was? She had always assumed it was Kasim; after all, he /seemed/ to be the father. But the fact that Kein never clarified for her, even though he /surely/ knew that she would assume it was Kasim... She gives a noncommittal shrug, turning her gaze away to look toward the outside--it seems as though the sun is finally starting to poke through the clouds.
Kein frowns and lowers his head onto his forepaws. He was afraid of that. His voice it no stronger than it was at first when he says, "I didn't even know, myself, until a little while before we returned to Amaranth. I don't even think Pel knows yet." Maybe Mom is wrong. Maybe Pel should /never/ know. He can't imagine how his brother would have reacted to what just happened. Even Kein would prefer to still believe Kasim is his father, and he's not even all that close to Mom's mate.
"And yet you never figured it important enough to tell me." It's not a question. Nayeli tries not to look hurt, but it isn't easy. "You just let me assume something you knew was false." She shrugs again, grimacing. "It's not a big deal though. Just a simple misunderstanding on my part, I guess." If only it were that easy to just dismiss. He /should/ have told her, plain and simple. He /knew/ she didn't know.
Kein is torn between wanting to just apologize and feeling as though he has done nothing wrong. This causes him to hesitate for a moment, before he finally decides apologizing is far more important than defending himself. "I really am sorry, Nayeli. If I had known it would hurt you, I would have told you sooner." That, at least, is truthful. He would never knowingly do anything to cause her pain, so his sorrow /is/ sincere.
"Who said that it hurt me?" Nayeli asks flatly, still not looking at him. "And how do I know that you ever would have told me, if it hadn't been for Azriel?" She sighs, looking down at her paws. It's not so much that she didn't know who Kein's true father was that's bothering her. It /does/ hurt a little, knowing she was deceived this whole time, but it's more the fact that now she really doesn't know what /else/ Kein hasn't told her, but has allowed her to wrongly believe instead. She finally whispers the question that's bothering her most: "What else haven't you told me, Kein?"
"Nothing." The only thing else of serious importance is Ruut'h death, and he told her all about that. Kein doesn't look at Nayeli, either. Currently, he's staring at one of the walls of the den. Will she believe him? He doesn't know, but he's guessing not. She thinks he is hiding things from her. Why would she believe him when he tells her he isn't? He sighs softly. This wasn't supposed to happen. Their journey began so well, and now...
Nayeli sighs, extending her claws and examining them. She's really not sure what to say now, or what /needs/ to be said--if anything. It's as if there's a problem, but she's not sure what it is or how to address it. Kein did apologize, so why does she still feel upset? It's probably just because of this whole encounter with Azriel. The way he spoke.. the way he looked at her.. that must be it. Well, the rain /has/ stopped, so in theory they should be moving along... right? Somehow, Nayeli doesn't feel like moving just now. If anything, this encounter has left her drained to the point of wanting to rest for a long while now. But is it safe? Will Azriel come back while they're sleeping? How far would they have to travel before she /will/ feel safe?
Kein isn't thinking about Azriel. If the older male were going to do something, he would have done it while he was here, right? What he's thinking about is how to make this right, how to put their journey back on the right track. Finally, he looks back to Nayeli... And then wonders if she is thinking something he thought, once. "I'm not like him, Nayeli. I would do anything to make you happy. All you have to do is let me know." He can't read minds. Slowly, he stands. "Until then, I'm just going to go watch." Outside the den. It's more to give her so peace, to think or do whatever she needs to do, since she seems to have no desire to speak to him right now, than because he thinks they are in any more danger. And maybe he could use some time to think, too. About everything that just happened.
Nayeli feels even more frustated now. Kein isn't understanding at all! It's not that she's worried that he's going to become anything like Azriel. As far as she's concerned, he's the complete opposite: even less like Azriel than her own father! That's not the problem at all, but it seems that she won't get the chance to try and explain what /is/... as Kein is now leaving. She knows he would really do anything to make her happy. He already has. It's just... Nayeli sighs. How to explain it?
Kein doesn't hesitate any longer before leaving the den. He doesn't go far, though. As soon as he is right outside the den, he lies down. There is no sign of Azriel, which doesn't surprise Kein. Once he is lying down, he drops his head. For the first time since they left, he has time to /really/ miss his family. His mother would have known what to do, and with his mother /and/ Kasim there, there would have been less risk one of them would have been seriously injured. And should they be trying to send word back to Amaranth, or would that just cause his mother unneeded worry? He just doesn't know, and it worries him.
With somewhat of a rueful smile, Nayeli contemplates whether or not bashing her head into the side of the den would bring Kein running back inside. He'd be all concerned for her, which makes the idea very tempting, but she knows that it still wouldn't make everything right again though. She just doesn't know what's /wrong/. Just.. something. They aren't the happy pair that was exploring only a couple of hours ago. But there's nothing that she can specifically put a claw on and it's bothering her. She /wants/ to go outside with Kein and lie down right next to him. It just doesn't feel right, though, and that bothers her more than anything else. With a sigh, she crawls over to the absolute back of the cave and curls up, facing the wall. Looking at the den opening only makes her think of how Azriel suddenly appeared last time.
- A Couple Hours Pass -
The sun is almost completely hidden from view. Kein has spent the past several hours just staring off into space and thinking. He has finally gotten to the point where he thinks he might be able to sleep, though... And he really doesn't want to sleep alone. After he looks around the area, he stands and turns to poke his head into the den. Before he even spots Nayeli, he says, in a soft voice, "Nayeli?" He can only hope she won't turn him away.
Nayeli is fast asleep, still curled up at the very back of the den. She had spent a while just thinking about what had happened, and then even longer thinking about what /could/ happen. Finally, as she was just exhausted from all that had happened, she finally fell asleep.
Kein stops when he sees her sleeping, just looking at her for a moment. If he just lies down by her, will she be upset when she wakes up? Should he just go back outside, or...? Tired of thinking, he enters the den, then walks over to Nayeli, lowering his head to nudge her lightly with his nose. "Hey, Nayeli?" His voice is just a little louder, now, as he tries to wake her.
Nayeli shifts a little, mumbling something in her sleep, but doesn't seem to wake up. At least, not for the next few seconds, but then she suddenly jerks and her eyes quickly open. "Kein?" she asks quickly, staring up at the male. It takes a moment before her breathing calms down as she realizes that it's not Azriel above her.
"Yeah, it's me." Kein takes a step back, to allow Nayeli room to move without bumping into him. He gives her a moment to get her bearings before saying anything else. His mind is racing as he asks himself a million different questions. Was she dreaming? Will she be upset that he woke her? There is so much that he really doesn't know about her. There was a time when she was glad to be woken up by him, if only because it meant a rare chance for them to get to be together, but that was a long time ago.
Oh, she definitely dreamed last night. It was something of a nightmare, though perhaps different from such dreams she's had in the past. Without warning, she suddenly rolls onto a crouch and launchers herself at her friend, intending to tackle him--gently, of course--down to the den floor. Probably not something she'd try if it were stone or another hard material beneath them, but with the soft dirt, it shouldn't hurt Kein at all. Yes, she definitely had a dream last night, one where Kein had left her all alone to fend for herself. A life completely alone, and with dangers like Azriel lurking about... it was horrible.
Kein was not expecting /that/. In fact, he tenses when Nayeli first rushes at him, perhaps expecting her to be tackling him because she /is/ angry he woke her up. He falls down when she tackles him, and he is on the floor before he realizes that she isn't growling, isn't glaring, doesn't seem at all angry. Were this a normal day, he'd probably laugh or try to play. As it is, once he is lying on the ground, he just looks at her, a little confused. She definitely didn't seem to be in a playing mood when he left.
Nayeli isn't angry, perhaps, but neither is she playful. There's no laugh or smile; instead, she clings to him as tightly as she dares, not wanting to hurt him, but afraid to let go. "Kein?" she whispers after a moment. "Promise me that you'll never leave me? Promise me that no matter what I do, you'll always stay with me?" She doesn't blame Kein for leaving for so long after their... disagreement that long while ago. It's not like he had a choice with his mother deciding to take him and his siblings. But now that he /does/ have a choice about whether or stay or leave...
Why would he leave? Unless she asked him to, anyway, or made it clear she didn't want him around. Though the confusion doesn't fade, Kein is quick to try to reassure her. He lifts his head to nuzzle against her and says, "I'm not going to leave you, Nayeli. Not ever. I promise." Of course, they can't stay side by side always, but he is never going away like he did when his family left for the oasis. She should know that, shouldn't she?
Maybe it's the dream that's upset her. Or maybe it's the encounter they had with Azriel. Maybe it's something else entirely. But even though Kein does reassure her, Nayeli still feels her unease only slowly dissipating. "I'm just scared," she finally admits, to herself as much as to her friend. Scared of what? Scared of Azriel, perhaps? That may be true, but it's probably just the thought of being alone that scares her the most. "All I have is you, now.. I just don't want to lose you." Her words are still spoken as a near-whisper, though she finally does seem to relax enough to be able to nuzzle back.
Kein continues looking at Nayeli. At least she hasn't decided he's unworthy because of who his father is. Whether he ever actually thought that was a possibility... He's not certain. Regardless, it is only a moment before he speaks again. "I won't let that happen." Maybe he couldn't stop it, if someone bigger and stronger than he is showed up again, but... They don't /have/ to fight. They /could/ run... Maybe. If Kein were doing it to protect her, he could probably find it in to step away from a challenge.
Nayeli's fear probably has something to do with how overmatched Kein appeared when compared to Azriel. What if the bigger cougar /had/ decided to try and hurt her? Would Kein have been able to stop him? He might have died bravely /trying/ to stop him, but.. would that have changed the outcome of what happened to /her/? Maybe that's what's bothering her. Her mother was absolutely right: all she has is Kein. No family. No parents. No friends. Just Kein. If he isn't enough, then she's in big trouble. He'll /have/ to be enough. She gives a tiny nod, trying to calm herself down.
Kein presses his head against Nayeli for a moment and thinks. He could have asked his family to join them, but... Mom wants to stay in Amaranth. She wants more cubs, and she wants them to be born there. They are on their own, but he knows they can make it work. After a while, and with a very slight smile, he says, "I'm willing to do whatever it takes, okay? No matter what. We'll be fine." There's no doubt in his tone. They will do what his mother wanted for them. They'll thrive. They have to.
It's not so much the words that Kein speaks--anyone could say that--but rather his tone. There's a confidence in there that Nayeli finds more reassuring than anything he could say. And finally, she smiles, feeling her fear begin to ease away at a faster rate now. "Yeah," she agrees, confidence beginning to enter her voice as well. "We'll be fine. Both of us." She falls silent, happy to just enjoy this moment now that things seem to have been cleared up. If they face Azriel again, it will be with a united front. Maybe they'll both die, but that doesn't matter as much as the fact that it will be /together/.
Kein licks at Nayeli's cheek lightly, then takes a deep breath. He hadn't been expecting such a quick resolution, but he is grateful. If only he had known that she only wanted reassurance that they'd be all right earlier... But maybe he did need the time he spent on his own to think. It doesn't matter. They got through this. They'll get through whatever comes next, too.
"I think Mother was right about you." Nayeli smiles and licks back at Kein's cheek. "You just don't give up." He didn't give up against her father, and he hasn't given up with her. Not /against/ her, of course, but /on/ her. Even back when they were only cubs, he never seemed willing to let her go, whether it was teaching her how to track, or just being her friend despite her inability at the time to climb a tree.
Kein scarcely knows /how/ to give up. He has only done it once or twice, only after absolutely all hope was lost, and even then he didn't like how it felt. It feels like failing. Like disappointing. When Nayeli brings up her mother, Kein asks, "Does she... Did she approve of you coming with me?" Kein already knows that her father didn't, and he doesn't much care, but her mother...
Nayeli blushes a little, hoping that their close proximity doesn't allow Kein to really notice. It's not a simple yes or no answer to his question. It's sort of.. both. "Yeah, I guess she kind of did," she answers, trying not to sound too sheepish. It's not like Ayashe didn't think Kein would be capable of protecting her or providing for her, but it wasn't like she was thrilled with Nayeli just leaving like that... so, yes and no.
Kein isn't sure he could deal with both Chesmu and Ayashe being angry with him for taking Nayeli away. Would Ayashe have hunted them down? And would Mom have stood against Ayashe like she did against Chesmu? He's glad that they apparently don't have to worry about that, at least, so after she answers, he looks back to the entrance to the den, even though it has gotten dark enough that he can't see anything outside. In a slightly more somber tone, he says, "I hope I'll grow to be as large as him." It may seem unconnected to what they were just speaking about, but there is a connection... And the one thing Kein would not mind inheriting from Azriel is his size.
Nayeli is quiet for a moment, thinking about why Kein would say that. Jealousy? No.. it's probably because he just wants to be able to fight back, if the need ever arose. "I'm sure you will. Even bigger and stronger." There's the temptation to make a joke about how unfair that would make their wrestling matches, but Nayeli refrains, as the time doesn't seem right for jokes. There's the sobering thought of what Kein could do with all that strength. One can only wonder if Azriel was once like her friend... what caused him to become the way he is?
Kein probably wouldn't be able to stand the idea that Azriel might have once been like him. His smile does return when Nayeli speaks. "It won't be too much longer, and then... We'll always be safe." There are bears, sure, but bears are slow and lazy, as long as they're left alone, and Kein doesn't know of anything else larger than cougars. If he is as big as Azriel when they finally stop growing... Nothing could ever hurt them. Either one of them.
"I'll protect you until you get big and strong, then." Okay, so maybe Nayeli couldn't resist joking a /little/ bit. There's not really anything she can do to protect Kein unless he's sleeping, sick, or injured. And even then, she doubts very much that she'd be able to do much more than just slow down someone like Azriel. At least she could hold her own against most everything else smaller than them. Not that she expects to encounter any mice with vendettas who have decided to wage war on Kein while he sleeps.
Kein laughs quietly at what Nayeli says, but then answers in a fairly serious manner. "We'll protect each other." There may be things that could threaten one of them, but with both of them, together, there isn't much. Not even Azriel would walk away clean, if he walked away at all. It will get them by until the day when she no longer has to worry about it.
Is life always going to be one threatening thing after another? Can't they just enjoy some time together that doesn't involve being injured, paranoid, or otherwise incapacitated? Nayeli already greatly misses their fun they had in the snow, before everything turned chaotic and bloody. Can't they enjoy a few days like that, or even months? All this talk of surviving and being able to protect each other... what happened to the simple fun of exploring and enjoying each other's company? Nayeli sighs inwardly, but continues holding on to Kein. If moments like these really are going to be few and far between, then she's going to enjoy it as much as possible.
Their ability to protect one another is going to be what is going to make continuing their plans possible. Kein nuzzles against her again, then says, "I think we should stay here tonight. We can start again in the morning." They did get a fair distance before the rain started. They're well out of Amaranth, which should mean everything they do tomorrow should be new and exciting, right? And perhaps the rain was a good sign. Maybe it means they aren't heading towards more desert.
Stay here tonight? With the possibility of Azriel coming back while they're asleep? Nayeli isn't sure that it's the wisest idea, but then again, if Azriel really wanted to harm them, he /could/ always track them to wherever their new resting place would be. Besides, she's so comfortable on top of Kein that she really doesn't want to move anyway. "Okay," she murmurs, smiling. Yes.. staying here is just fine with her.
Kein has considered, several times, asking her to move, but he doesn't want to make this any less pleasant, so after Nayeli speaks, Kein lowers his head, taking another, more relaxing, deep breath. Azriel is no longer on his mind, though. Hopefully, the larger cougar moved on, and this will be the only time they ever see him.
True, she probably should get off of him and they both should be watching the entrance, just in case Azriel or some other threat does come in. No sense in them being caught unprepared. But isn't that the kind of paranoia that she doesn't want to characterize this journey. Thus, she remains where she is, draped like a furry blanket over top of her friend. She'll move before too much longer, as she doesn't want to make Kein uncomfortable. But it's a moment that they haven't had much of, and she wants that to change.
Yes, perhaps they should, but... There is one more thing that needs to be addressed first. With a slight purr in his voice, Kein says, "I'm glad we worked through this, Nayeli." If he had decided to just sleep outside, or if she had been upset with him upon waking up, could they have still worked things out, or would she have wanted him to take her back to Amaranth?
Nayeli blinks. Err.. yeah! She's glad they worked through this as well... what's Kein getting at? Or is he just trying to keep the feel-good moment continuing? Deciding to take his comment at face value, she responds, "So am I." A simple answer, but true. She's not really sure how they could have handled Azriel's appearance and subsequent conversation any differently, and she's not even sure if they handled it at all.. or if they just got lucky that Azriel decided to leave when he did.
Kein can't say he'll always want to talk about everything, his negative feelings and things that negatively affect his feelings least of all, but... Maybe, to some small degree, his not wanting to talk about certain things is what caused some of this problem. Not with Azriel showing up. He couldn't have helped that. But what happened after he left... "I don't want us to ever stop talking, to let things get in the way of our friendship, and... I'll try to tell you about things sooner in the future, okay?" /Before/ they become an issue.
Ahh. Maybe that's the problem she wasn't able to identify earlier. Yeah.. that makes sense. "Thanks," she murmurs, giving him a soft nuzzle. "I would really appreciate it if you did, and I'll try to do the same as well." She remembers her mother saying something about communication, but she hadn't anticipated the possibility of issues such as this. She's not even sure /what/ sort of things she wouldn't want to discuss with Kein, but surely they'll come eventually.
Kein is so used to being given as long as he wants to talk about something, in most situations. With the exception of Ruut'h, his mother never pushed him into talking about anything before he was ready. Even Kasim was usually willing to accept it when Kein was adamant that he didn't want to talk. It will take some effort, the next time something happens that he would prefer to just think about, to tell Nayeli about it before he has had a chance to think everything through. If it will help them both, though... Then he's committed to doing it. With a little grin, he says, "I know you will. You like to talk. And talk and talk and talk." He's just teasing. As far as he's concerned, they've dealt with everything that needed dealt with. There is no more reason to be serious.
Nayeli blushes at first, realizing a few seconds too late that Kein's only teasing her. Okay, she doesn't like talking /that/ much! Compared to Always Serious Kein, /everybody/ likes to talk and talk and talk! "I promise I'll let you do half of the talking from now on, okay?" She's teasing in return, but it's a slight prod at trying to get him to communicate more, which he's already more or less said he'll try and do. She grins in returns.
"How about if I just do half the tackling from now on?" He nudges against Nayeli lightly with his head. If he remembers right, she has done pretty much a hundred percent of the tackling since he returned. He'll have to work on changing that around, now that he is feeling better.
This time her blush is with the full knowledge that he /is/ teasing, though her grin only widens. "No promises from me on whether or not I'll let you!" He'll have to work hard to do his share, yep! She's glad to hear this from him though; it's not the kind of thing she would expect him to joke around about if he were still feeling injured at all. Is he at full health by now? She's afraid to ask, but she doesn't want to assume anything, either. Hmm.
"Well, I guess I can't expect you to share /everything/ like you'll share the talking. Guess I'll just have to learn how to take my portion of the tackling, then." Not tonight, really, because he /is/ tired from everything that has happened, but Kein expects to be feeling as well as he will likely get by tomorrow. As long as he doesn't really overwork himself, he /should/ be fine.
It hasn't really come up yet, but Nayeli hopes that Kein lets her help along with the hunting as much as she's able. She /has/ learned enough to at least do something, right? Though how it will compare to Kein's ability to stalk or pounce, she really has no idea. That will have to be discussed fairly soon, as she /is/ pretty hungry. Tomorrow morning, perhaps. "Oh, I'm sure you'll manage," she says airily, laughing a little. The Kein she knows will certainly find a way to get his pounces in. Maybe they don't have snow to play in, but they'll find something.
The mood has lightened enough that Kein finally feels comfortable with asking, "So, do you really need to sleep on me, or will sleeping by me be all right?" He doubts he'll be awake before her, come morning, since she got a nap in and he didn't, but if he should wake up, or toss and turn in his sleep, he'd prefer to be able to do so without waking her, if at all possible.
Nayeli hmphs, allowing herself to roll off next to him. "Fine then. If you insist." She scrunches up her face into a mock-insulted look. "But don't complain when you get all cold tonight!" Doubtful, as the den does seem warmer than the outside. But she'll take his suggestion as meaning that he's still not completely recovered, and she probably /was/ making him uncomfortable. Doh...
Kein laughs quietly and says, "If that happens, I'll just crawl back under you. I'm sure you won't mind, right?" He rolls onto his stomach, pressed against her, and thel lowers his head onto his forepaws. Ah, yes. This /is/ much more comfortable... But it's not as if Nayeli lying on top of him was causing him any pain or anything.
"Of course I won't mind!" Nayeli laughs and mimics her friend, rolling over and resting her head on her forepaws. They can still sort of keep an eye on the cave entrance, at least while they're still awake. That probably won't last for too much longer. And if Azriel comes back while they're sleeping? Well... then so be it. He'll find them helpless and defenseless. They'll just have to do what they can if that does happen. But no sense going to sleep scared, though.
Kein closes his eyes and smiles. And for the first time since Azriel arrived, he is reminded of why all of this is worth it, of how good it feels to just fall asleep next to his best friend. He won't let anyone take that away from him.
Kein - Male Adolescent Cougar
Nayeli - Female Adolescent Cougar
- Wind-Blown Lowlands -
Kein doesn't know how long it has been that they've all been here. After a while, he sat down, but he never did take his eyes off of Azriel for more than a couple seconds. As such, when the larger male looked at Nayeli, he took a deep breath, preparing for round two. What he hadn't been expecting was for the larger cougar to just leave, without a single word. He hadn't even noticed that the storm had ended. After staring at the exit for a couple moments, as though expecting Azriel to return, he looks to Nayeli again, a little confused, but very relieved.
Nayeli didn't want to bring herself to meet Azriel's gaze when he finally turned from staring outside to look over at her, but she made herself do it.. only to realize that he wasn't look at her eyes. But before she could say anything or even flush, he suddenly stood up and just left, leaving Nayeli surprised, flustered, and more than anything else, worried. The look he had on his face before leaving... Nayeli is going to make sure she stays plenty close to Kein until they're far away from here. With a shaky breath, she turns to glance over toward her friend, feeling relieved that it didn't turn out bloody as she had feared it would.
Kein finally lies down. He feels /tired/ after the strain of meeting Azriel, of the tense silence that reigned after Azriel finally stopped speaking. He turns his gaze away from Nayeli again, and says, in a weak voice, "I'm sorry." That Azriel is his father. That Nayeli had to meet him. That /he/ had to meet Azriel. That he couldn't keep Azriel from looking at Nayeli that way, from saying those things. There is much that he's sorry for.
"Don't be," is Nayeli's reactive response. "You couldn't have known he would come by and treat us like that." He couldn't have known that /anyone/ would come by, much less his own father. And to know that he would have said those things, and looked at her like that? Impossible. He doesn't need to apologize. The real issue is what do they do now? Where do they go from here? Azriel really didn't leave them any kind of closing remark to let them know what his next move was. If he even has anything planned, of course. He could very well be ignoring them from now on, for all they know. But the look he gave her...
Whatever it is, they'll handle it. Provided, of course, that she didn't believe Azriel. "I wasn't trying to hide the truth from you, Nayeli. You know that, right?" She gave him a second chance. Kein doesn't expect a third, and if she's angry with him... Well, he'll still /try/ to earn her forgiveness, but he won't be surprised if it doesn't come. It was difficult enough to repair their relationship after a single hurtful comment, and if she thinks he has been lying to her, hiding things from her... How will they come back from that?
Isn't he basing his entire defense on a simple technicality though? That Nayeli never specifically asked who his father was? She had always assumed it was Kasim; after all, he /seemed/ to be the father. But the fact that Kein never clarified for her, even though he /surely/ knew that she would assume it was Kasim... She gives a noncommittal shrug, turning her gaze away to look toward the outside--it seems as though the sun is finally starting to poke through the clouds.
Kein frowns and lowers his head onto his forepaws. He was afraid of that. His voice it no stronger than it was at first when he says, "I didn't even know, myself, until a little while before we returned to Amaranth. I don't even think Pel knows yet." Maybe Mom is wrong. Maybe Pel should /never/ know. He can't imagine how his brother would have reacted to what just happened. Even Kein would prefer to still believe Kasim is his father, and he's not even all that close to Mom's mate.
"And yet you never figured it important enough to tell me." It's not a question. Nayeli tries not to look hurt, but it isn't easy. "You just let me assume something you knew was false." She shrugs again, grimacing. "It's not a big deal though. Just a simple misunderstanding on my part, I guess." If only it were that easy to just dismiss. He /should/ have told her, plain and simple. He /knew/ she didn't know.
Kein is torn between wanting to just apologize and feeling as though he has done nothing wrong. This causes him to hesitate for a moment, before he finally decides apologizing is far more important than defending himself. "I really am sorry, Nayeli. If I had known it would hurt you, I would have told you sooner." That, at least, is truthful. He would never knowingly do anything to cause her pain, so his sorrow /is/ sincere.
"Who said that it hurt me?" Nayeli asks flatly, still not looking at him. "And how do I know that you ever would have told me, if it hadn't been for Azriel?" She sighs, looking down at her paws. It's not so much that she didn't know who Kein's true father was that's bothering her. It /does/ hurt a little, knowing she was deceived this whole time, but it's more the fact that now she really doesn't know what /else/ Kein hasn't told her, but has allowed her to wrongly believe instead. She finally whispers the question that's bothering her most: "What else haven't you told me, Kein?"
"Nothing." The only thing else of serious importance is Ruut'h death, and he told her all about that. Kein doesn't look at Nayeli, either. Currently, he's staring at one of the walls of the den. Will she believe him? He doesn't know, but he's guessing not. She thinks he is hiding things from her. Why would she believe him when he tells her he isn't? He sighs softly. This wasn't supposed to happen. Their journey began so well, and now...
Nayeli sighs, extending her claws and examining them. She's really not sure what to say now, or what /needs/ to be said--if anything. It's as if there's a problem, but she's not sure what it is or how to address it. Kein did apologize, so why does she still feel upset? It's probably just because of this whole encounter with Azriel. The way he spoke.. the way he looked at her.. that must be it. Well, the rain /has/ stopped, so in theory they should be moving along... right? Somehow, Nayeli doesn't feel like moving just now. If anything, this encounter has left her drained to the point of wanting to rest for a long while now. But is it safe? Will Azriel come back while they're sleeping? How far would they have to travel before she /will/ feel safe?
Kein isn't thinking about Azriel. If the older male were going to do something, he would have done it while he was here, right? What he's thinking about is how to make this right, how to put their journey back on the right track. Finally, he looks back to Nayeli... And then wonders if she is thinking something he thought, once. "I'm not like him, Nayeli. I would do anything to make you happy. All you have to do is let me know." He can't read minds. Slowly, he stands. "Until then, I'm just going to go watch." Outside the den. It's more to give her so peace, to think or do whatever she needs to do, since she seems to have no desire to speak to him right now, than because he thinks they are in any more danger. And maybe he could use some time to think, too. About everything that just happened.
Nayeli feels even more frustated now. Kein isn't understanding at all! It's not that she's worried that he's going to become anything like Azriel. As far as she's concerned, he's the complete opposite: even less like Azriel than her own father! That's not the problem at all, but it seems that she won't get the chance to try and explain what /is/... as Kein is now leaving. She knows he would really do anything to make her happy. He already has. It's just... Nayeli sighs. How to explain it?
Kein doesn't hesitate any longer before leaving the den. He doesn't go far, though. As soon as he is right outside the den, he lies down. There is no sign of Azriel, which doesn't surprise Kein. Once he is lying down, he drops his head. For the first time since they left, he has time to /really/ miss his family. His mother would have known what to do, and with his mother /and/ Kasim there, there would have been less risk one of them would have been seriously injured. And should they be trying to send word back to Amaranth, or would that just cause his mother unneeded worry? He just doesn't know, and it worries him.
With somewhat of a rueful smile, Nayeli contemplates whether or not bashing her head into the side of the den would bring Kein running back inside. He'd be all concerned for her, which makes the idea very tempting, but she knows that it still wouldn't make everything right again though. She just doesn't know what's /wrong/. Just.. something. They aren't the happy pair that was exploring only a couple of hours ago. But there's nothing that she can specifically put a claw on and it's bothering her. She /wants/ to go outside with Kein and lie down right next to him. It just doesn't feel right, though, and that bothers her more than anything else. With a sigh, she crawls over to the absolute back of the cave and curls up, facing the wall. Looking at the den opening only makes her think of how Azriel suddenly appeared last time.
- A Couple Hours Pass -
The sun is almost completely hidden from view. Kein has spent the past several hours just staring off into space and thinking. He has finally gotten to the point where he thinks he might be able to sleep, though... And he really doesn't want to sleep alone. After he looks around the area, he stands and turns to poke his head into the den. Before he even spots Nayeli, he says, in a soft voice, "Nayeli?" He can only hope she won't turn him away.
Nayeli is fast asleep, still curled up at the very back of the den. She had spent a while just thinking about what had happened, and then even longer thinking about what /could/ happen. Finally, as she was just exhausted from all that had happened, she finally fell asleep.
Kein stops when he sees her sleeping, just looking at her for a moment. If he just lies down by her, will she be upset when she wakes up? Should he just go back outside, or...? Tired of thinking, he enters the den, then walks over to Nayeli, lowering his head to nudge her lightly with his nose. "Hey, Nayeli?" His voice is just a little louder, now, as he tries to wake her.
Nayeli shifts a little, mumbling something in her sleep, but doesn't seem to wake up. At least, not for the next few seconds, but then she suddenly jerks and her eyes quickly open. "Kein?" she asks quickly, staring up at the male. It takes a moment before her breathing calms down as she realizes that it's not Azriel above her.
"Yeah, it's me." Kein takes a step back, to allow Nayeli room to move without bumping into him. He gives her a moment to get her bearings before saying anything else. His mind is racing as he asks himself a million different questions. Was she dreaming? Will she be upset that he woke her? There is so much that he really doesn't know about her. There was a time when she was glad to be woken up by him, if only because it meant a rare chance for them to get to be together, but that was a long time ago.
Oh, she definitely dreamed last night. It was something of a nightmare, though perhaps different from such dreams she's had in the past. Without warning, she suddenly rolls onto a crouch and launchers herself at her friend, intending to tackle him--gently, of course--down to the den floor. Probably not something she'd try if it were stone or another hard material beneath them, but with the soft dirt, it shouldn't hurt Kein at all. Yes, she definitely had a dream last night, one where Kein had left her all alone to fend for herself. A life completely alone, and with dangers like Azriel lurking about... it was horrible.
Kein was not expecting /that/. In fact, he tenses when Nayeli first rushes at him, perhaps expecting her to be tackling him because she /is/ angry he woke her up. He falls down when she tackles him, and he is on the floor before he realizes that she isn't growling, isn't glaring, doesn't seem at all angry. Were this a normal day, he'd probably laugh or try to play. As it is, once he is lying on the ground, he just looks at her, a little confused. She definitely didn't seem to be in a playing mood when he left.
Nayeli isn't angry, perhaps, but neither is she playful. There's no laugh or smile; instead, she clings to him as tightly as she dares, not wanting to hurt him, but afraid to let go. "Kein?" she whispers after a moment. "Promise me that you'll never leave me? Promise me that no matter what I do, you'll always stay with me?" She doesn't blame Kein for leaving for so long after their... disagreement that long while ago. It's not like he had a choice with his mother deciding to take him and his siblings. But now that he /does/ have a choice about whether or stay or leave...
Why would he leave? Unless she asked him to, anyway, or made it clear she didn't want him around. Though the confusion doesn't fade, Kein is quick to try to reassure her. He lifts his head to nuzzle against her and says, "I'm not going to leave you, Nayeli. Not ever. I promise." Of course, they can't stay side by side always, but he is never going away like he did when his family left for the oasis. She should know that, shouldn't she?
Maybe it's the dream that's upset her. Or maybe it's the encounter they had with Azriel. Maybe it's something else entirely. But even though Kein does reassure her, Nayeli still feels her unease only slowly dissipating. "I'm just scared," she finally admits, to herself as much as to her friend. Scared of what? Scared of Azriel, perhaps? That may be true, but it's probably just the thought of being alone that scares her the most. "All I have is you, now.. I just don't want to lose you." Her words are still spoken as a near-whisper, though she finally does seem to relax enough to be able to nuzzle back.
Kein continues looking at Nayeli. At least she hasn't decided he's unworthy because of who his father is. Whether he ever actually thought that was a possibility... He's not certain. Regardless, it is only a moment before he speaks again. "I won't let that happen." Maybe he couldn't stop it, if someone bigger and stronger than he is showed up again, but... They don't /have/ to fight. They /could/ run... Maybe. If Kein were doing it to protect her, he could probably find it in to step away from a challenge.
Nayeli's fear probably has something to do with how overmatched Kein appeared when compared to Azriel. What if the bigger cougar /had/ decided to try and hurt her? Would Kein have been able to stop him? He might have died bravely /trying/ to stop him, but.. would that have changed the outcome of what happened to /her/? Maybe that's what's bothering her. Her mother was absolutely right: all she has is Kein. No family. No parents. No friends. Just Kein. If he isn't enough, then she's in big trouble. He'll /have/ to be enough. She gives a tiny nod, trying to calm herself down.
Kein presses his head against Nayeli for a moment and thinks. He could have asked his family to join them, but... Mom wants to stay in Amaranth. She wants more cubs, and she wants them to be born there. They are on their own, but he knows they can make it work. After a while, and with a very slight smile, he says, "I'm willing to do whatever it takes, okay? No matter what. We'll be fine." There's no doubt in his tone. They will do what his mother wanted for them. They'll thrive. They have to.
It's not so much the words that Kein speaks--anyone could say that--but rather his tone. There's a confidence in there that Nayeli finds more reassuring than anything he could say. And finally, she smiles, feeling her fear begin to ease away at a faster rate now. "Yeah," she agrees, confidence beginning to enter her voice as well. "We'll be fine. Both of us." She falls silent, happy to just enjoy this moment now that things seem to have been cleared up. If they face Azriel again, it will be with a united front. Maybe they'll both die, but that doesn't matter as much as the fact that it will be /together/.
Kein licks at Nayeli's cheek lightly, then takes a deep breath. He hadn't been expecting such a quick resolution, but he is grateful. If only he had known that she only wanted reassurance that they'd be all right earlier... But maybe he did need the time he spent on his own to think. It doesn't matter. They got through this. They'll get through whatever comes next, too.
"I think Mother was right about you." Nayeli smiles and licks back at Kein's cheek. "You just don't give up." He didn't give up against her father, and he hasn't given up with her. Not /against/ her, of course, but /on/ her. Even back when they were only cubs, he never seemed willing to let her go, whether it was teaching her how to track, or just being her friend despite her inability at the time to climb a tree.
Kein scarcely knows /how/ to give up. He has only done it once or twice, only after absolutely all hope was lost, and even then he didn't like how it felt. It feels like failing. Like disappointing. When Nayeli brings up her mother, Kein asks, "Does she... Did she approve of you coming with me?" Kein already knows that her father didn't, and he doesn't much care, but her mother...
Nayeli blushes a little, hoping that their close proximity doesn't allow Kein to really notice. It's not a simple yes or no answer to his question. It's sort of.. both. "Yeah, I guess she kind of did," she answers, trying not to sound too sheepish. It's not like Ayashe didn't think Kein would be capable of protecting her or providing for her, but it wasn't like she was thrilled with Nayeli just leaving like that... so, yes and no.
Kein isn't sure he could deal with both Chesmu and Ayashe being angry with him for taking Nayeli away. Would Ayashe have hunted them down? And would Mom have stood against Ayashe like she did against Chesmu? He's glad that they apparently don't have to worry about that, at least, so after she answers, he looks back to the entrance to the den, even though it has gotten dark enough that he can't see anything outside. In a slightly more somber tone, he says, "I hope I'll grow to be as large as him." It may seem unconnected to what they were just speaking about, but there is a connection... And the one thing Kein would not mind inheriting from Azriel is his size.
Nayeli is quiet for a moment, thinking about why Kein would say that. Jealousy? No.. it's probably because he just wants to be able to fight back, if the need ever arose. "I'm sure you will. Even bigger and stronger." There's the temptation to make a joke about how unfair that would make their wrestling matches, but Nayeli refrains, as the time doesn't seem right for jokes. There's the sobering thought of what Kein could do with all that strength. One can only wonder if Azriel was once like her friend... what caused him to become the way he is?
Kein probably wouldn't be able to stand the idea that Azriel might have once been like him. His smile does return when Nayeli speaks. "It won't be too much longer, and then... We'll always be safe." There are bears, sure, but bears are slow and lazy, as long as they're left alone, and Kein doesn't know of anything else larger than cougars. If he is as big as Azriel when they finally stop growing... Nothing could ever hurt them. Either one of them.
"I'll protect you until you get big and strong, then." Okay, so maybe Nayeli couldn't resist joking a /little/ bit. There's not really anything she can do to protect Kein unless he's sleeping, sick, or injured. And even then, she doubts very much that she'd be able to do much more than just slow down someone like Azriel. At least she could hold her own against most everything else smaller than them. Not that she expects to encounter any mice with vendettas who have decided to wage war on Kein while he sleeps.
Kein laughs quietly at what Nayeli says, but then answers in a fairly serious manner. "We'll protect each other." There may be things that could threaten one of them, but with both of them, together, there isn't much. Not even Azriel would walk away clean, if he walked away at all. It will get them by until the day when she no longer has to worry about it.
Is life always going to be one threatening thing after another? Can't they just enjoy some time together that doesn't involve being injured, paranoid, or otherwise incapacitated? Nayeli already greatly misses their fun they had in the snow, before everything turned chaotic and bloody. Can't they enjoy a few days like that, or even months? All this talk of surviving and being able to protect each other... what happened to the simple fun of exploring and enjoying each other's company? Nayeli sighs inwardly, but continues holding on to Kein. If moments like these really are going to be few and far between, then she's going to enjoy it as much as possible.
Their ability to protect one another is going to be what is going to make continuing their plans possible. Kein nuzzles against her again, then says, "I think we should stay here tonight. We can start again in the morning." They did get a fair distance before the rain started. They're well out of Amaranth, which should mean everything they do tomorrow should be new and exciting, right? And perhaps the rain was a good sign. Maybe it means they aren't heading towards more desert.
Stay here tonight? With the possibility of Azriel coming back while they're asleep? Nayeli isn't sure that it's the wisest idea, but then again, if Azriel really wanted to harm them, he /could/ always track them to wherever their new resting place would be. Besides, she's so comfortable on top of Kein that she really doesn't want to move anyway. "Okay," she murmurs, smiling. Yes.. staying here is just fine with her.
Kein has considered, several times, asking her to move, but he doesn't want to make this any less pleasant, so after Nayeli speaks, Kein lowers his head, taking another, more relaxing, deep breath. Azriel is no longer on his mind, though. Hopefully, the larger cougar moved on, and this will be the only time they ever see him.
True, she probably should get off of him and they both should be watching the entrance, just in case Azriel or some other threat does come in. No sense in them being caught unprepared. But isn't that the kind of paranoia that she doesn't want to characterize this journey. Thus, she remains where she is, draped like a furry blanket over top of her friend. She'll move before too much longer, as she doesn't want to make Kein uncomfortable. But it's a moment that they haven't had much of, and she wants that to change.
Yes, perhaps they should, but... There is one more thing that needs to be addressed first. With a slight purr in his voice, Kein says, "I'm glad we worked through this, Nayeli." If he had decided to just sleep outside, or if she had been upset with him upon waking up, could they have still worked things out, or would she have wanted him to take her back to Amaranth?
Nayeli blinks. Err.. yeah! She's glad they worked through this as well... what's Kein getting at? Or is he just trying to keep the feel-good moment continuing? Deciding to take his comment at face value, she responds, "So am I." A simple answer, but true. She's not really sure how they could have handled Azriel's appearance and subsequent conversation any differently, and she's not even sure if they handled it at all.. or if they just got lucky that Azriel decided to leave when he did.
Kein can't say he'll always want to talk about everything, his negative feelings and things that negatively affect his feelings least of all, but... Maybe, to some small degree, his not wanting to talk about certain things is what caused some of this problem. Not with Azriel showing up. He couldn't have helped that. But what happened after he left... "I don't want us to ever stop talking, to let things get in the way of our friendship, and... I'll try to tell you about things sooner in the future, okay?" /Before/ they become an issue.
Ahh. Maybe that's the problem she wasn't able to identify earlier. Yeah.. that makes sense. "Thanks," she murmurs, giving him a soft nuzzle. "I would really appreciate it if you did, and I'll try to do the same as well." She remembers her mother saying something about communication, but she hadn't anticipated the possibility of issues such as this. She's not even sure /what/ sort of things she wouldn't want to discuss with Kein, but surely they'll come eventually.
Kein is so used to being given as long as he wants to talk about something, in most situations. With the exception of Ruut'h, his mother never pushed him into talking about anything before he was ready. Even Kasim was usually willing to accept it when Kein was adamant that he didn't want to talk. It will take some effort, the next time something happens that he would prefer to just think about, to tell Nayeli about it before he has had a chance to think everything through. If it will help them both, though... Then he's committed to doing it. With a little grin, he says, "I know you will. You like to talk. And talk and talk and talk." He's just teasing. As far as he's concerned, they've dealt with everything that needed dealt with. There is no more reason to be serious.
Nayeli blushes at first, realizing a few seconds too late that Kein's only teasing her. Okay, she doesn't like talking /that/ much! Compared to Always Serious Kein, /everybody/ likes to talk and talk and talk! "I promise I'll let you do half of the talking from now on, okay?" She's teasing in return, but it's a slight prod at trying to get him to communicate more, which he's already more or less said he'll try and do. She grins in returns.
"How about if I just do half the tackling from now on?" He nudges against Nayeli lightly with his head. If he remembers right, she has done pretty much a hundred percent of the tackling since he returned. He'll have to work on changing that around, now that he is feeling better.
This time her blush is with the full knowledge that he /is/ teasing, though her grin only widens. "No promises from me on whether or not I'll let you!" He'll have to work hard to do his share, yep! She's glad to hear this from him though; it's not the kind of thing she would expect him to joke around about if he were still feeling injured at all. Is he at full health by now? She's afraid to ask, but she doesn't want to assume anything, either. Hmm.
"Well, I guess I can't expect you to share /everything/ like you'll share the talking. Guess I'll just have to learn how to take my portion of the tackling, then." Not tonight, really, because he /is/ tired from everything that has happened, but Kein expects to be feeling as well as he will likely get by tomorrow. As long as he doesn't really overwork himself, he /should/ be fine.
It hasn't really come up yet, but Nayeli hopes that Kein lets her help along with the hunting as much as she's able. She /has/ learned enough to at least do something, right? Though how it will compare to Kein's ability to stalk or pounce, she really has no idea. That will have to be discussed fairly soon, as she /is/ pretty hungry. Tomorrow morning, perhaps. "Oh, I'm sure you'll manage," she says airily, laughing a little. The Kein she knows will certainly find a way to get his pounces in. Maybe they don't have snow to play in, but they'll find something.
The mood has lightened enough that Kein finally feels comfortable with asking, "So, do you really need to sleep on me, or will sleeping by me be all right?" He doubts he'll be awake before her, come morning, since she got a nap in and he didn't, but if he should wake up, or toss and turn in his sleep, he'd prefer to be able to do so without waking her, if at all possible.
Nayeli hmphs, allowing herself to roll off next to him. "Fine then. If you insist." She scrunches up her face into a mock-insulted look. "But don't complain when you get all cold tonight!" Doubtful, as the den does seem warmer than the outside. But she'll take his suggestion as meaning that he's still not completely recovered, and she probably /was/ making him uncomfortable. Doh...
Kein laughs quietly and says, "If that happens, I'll just crawl back under you. I'm sure you won't mind, right?" He rolls onto his stomach, pressed against her, and thel lowers his head onto his forepaws. Ah, yes. This /is/ much more comfortable... But it's not as if Nayeli lying on top of him was causing him any pain or anything.
"Of course I won't mind!" Nayeli laughs and mimics her friend, rolling over and resting her head on her forepaws. They can still sort of keep an eye on the cave entrance, at least while they're still awake. That probably won't last for too much longer. And if Azriel comes back while they're sleeping? Well... then so be it. He'll find them helpless and defenseless. They'll just have to do what they can if that does happen. But no sense going to sleep scared, though.
Kein closes his eyes and smiles. And for the first time since Azriel arrived, he is reminded of why all of this is worth it, of how good it feels to just fall asleep next to his best friend. He won't let anyone take that away from him.